AIBU to want to make a speech at my child's wedding

I learned SO much about my son during the best man's speech . It still makes me chuckle ...

I think the answer lies in the title .. "My child". He is an adult and I truly think that you taking the hump because you have been told no to standing up and saying what people know already will
A... embarrass him
B... Wind the bride up and ruin your future relationship with her
C.. All the guests will think he's some sort of mummy boy and that mummy is having trouble letting go of those apron strings.
I expect none of the above was your intention but it's how it will come across to some and that is probably why she said no.
Just write your lovely words in a beautiful card for them both to read together.

Surely all those things you want to say are accepted without being said, yogo? Of course you think your son is a lovely young man. Everybody knows that already. There'd be no harm in telling him (and maybe his fiancée too) so why don't you do that? Why do you want to make it public?

You say your DIL has effectively said no ,( in your OP)
Does this mean you are going to do it anyway?
Have you considered what trouble you may be storing up for the future if you insist on having your own way ?

Thank you for all your views. Someone said perhaps two or three sentences and that is exactly what I had intended - I suppose more like a toast than a big speech.

If you do make a speech, it might be a good idea, as well as saying what a lovely young man your son is, to mention what a lovely girl DiL is and how you are so happy that he is settling down with her.

That is exactly what I wanted to do. Not a lot of anecdotes. Just to say how proud I am of him, how glad I am that they met and how I would like to wish them happiness in their future together. That is it really. I am not sure that even counts as a speech

There are traditional and non traditional weddings. We attended one of the latter where it seemed everyone in the wedding party could and did give a speech. We were at the table for far too many hours. This sounds as if it will be a traditional wedding and so best go along with the traditions and keep a quiet but happy presence, just relax and enjoy it all with no pressure.

If the bride and groom want to do things the traditional way on their day, that's entirely their business, and you'll only cause upset if you stick your oar in. Enjoy the day, and say nowt!

I agree with Telly. Put the idea behind you yogo and let your DIL and DS make the arrangements. It is their day and not yours I'm afraid. It is not worth upsetting your DIL. Relax and enjoy the big day!

Well said, Telly

It's their wedding day and as mother of the groom you just have to turn up and say nice things to everyone. Don't let this spoil the day but enjoy it and wish them well.

I’m glad my DIL gave a speech when she married my son. Surely the days are gone when the bride (not a word I like) sits meekly blushing while the men do all the talking? This was ten years ago!

I agree with you too MissAdventure.

We didn't have any of that with any of 'our' weddings. They all paid for the event themselves with fairly large contribution from us but were all very definite about how it would be.

Of course, we weren't invited to DD3'S wedding precisely so we couldn't say anything!!!

No need to run away MissA, I agree with you anyway!

It would never have occurred to either my parents or DMiL to impose their wishes on me & MrA.
Not that they got much chance as they only got 2 weeks' notice that the wedding was happening

At our son's wedding the speeches were by the best man, FOB, FOG. The MOB and I (MOG) were asked to do a short reading. I sent my chosen reading to my Dil beforehand to make sure all was well. It was perfect and no one felt left out.

I'm sorry to say that although I don't think that you are being unreasonable, neither is your future daughter-in-law, and at the end of the day it is her wedding and therefore it's her wishes that should prevail. You say, "She is a nice girl but I don't think that she has thought about this being a big day for me as well as for her family."

And my response would be say that seems pretty normal to me; surely that's for your son to be thinking about, not his future wife. Please try to put your disappointment to one side and delight in the day.

I agree, MissAdventure. One of my sons is married, and I was very grateful his in-laws did all the arrangements. I never thought of wanting to make a speech, though I’m sure they’d have agreed to it if I’d wanted to. Speeches were by my son, his wife, her father and the best man. That’s quite enough! Actually they were all pretty good.

My sons would have me locked up for the duration! If you love yours leave well alone & enjoy the day ????perhaps with a few of these , but not tooooo many?

At the risk of getting told off, and with no personal experience of a child's wedding, I'm quite surprised how many parents want to 'get in on the act'.. (running away now!)

At DS's wedding I spent more time trying to reassure the best man, who was very nervous before giving his (excellent) speech.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I think it is a shame but that you have to go with the flow. It is their wedding! However if your future DIL is not really able to see why you might want to do this, I would be aware of potential future lack of awareness of her husband's family viewpoint.....and be prepared for biting your tongue and going with the flow whilst being supportive!

Personally I would rather chew a brick than get up and give a speech to anybody. I didn't feel the need to tell everyone how much I think of my son, he already knew, that was the main thing.

Whether you are mother of the bride or groom, I think you just have to go with whatever the couple decide they want for their wedding. At my DD's wedding, the only speeches were by the best man (groom's best friend) and the chief bridesmaid (bride's sister). I think this worked well, and my other DD is going with this arrangement for her wedding in July too.

jalima <facepalm> as my DiL would put it

Message withdrawn at poster's request.