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AIBU to want to make a speech at my child's wedding

(161 Posts)
yogogran Wed 28-Feb-18 11:22:35

My son is getting married. Rather predictably the bride and her family seem to be making all the arrangements and I am left to take a back seat. She is a nice girl but I don't think that she has thought about this being a big day for me as well as for her family. He is my only son and seeing him happily settled is so important to me. I would love to make a short speech at the wedding to say a few things about what a lovely man he has become and how I am looking forward to seeing him settle into his new future. I suppose this is the equivalent of the father of the bride speech. Even though as I say I would want it to be very short my dil to be has effectively said no. I don't understand why her parents can make a speech about her and I can't say anything about my son. Is this really the lot of the mother of the groom?

DeeWBW Sat 17-Mar-18 17:07:10

I gave a speech at two of my sons' weddings and that was back in 94 and then 95. And I will at my third son's wedding, if he decides to go down that line.

GoldenAge Mon 05-Mar-18 10:22:58

Yoyogran - totally unreasonable - if your son is having a 'traditional' wedding, then stick to the tradition as that's obviously what he wants - in that case it's the best man's job to speak for him, not yours. If you insist on making a speech, you will regret it later as you realise how unusual it was and how you seemed to have pushed your way in. Sorry, you may not like this but many years ago with my first husband, I had a very pushy mil who frankly got on my hubby's nerves more than she did on mine, and her desire to be the focus of the wedding resulted in us changing our plans and having a much smaller event with just a wedding breakfast, no after-wedding dance and we left for our honeymoon. Let your son do his own thing.

Fenton95 Sat 03-Mar-18 18:46:11

Sorry, don't see how my comment qualifies as troll-hunting! Genuinely baffled ...

BlueBelle Sat 03-Mar-18 12:51:41

Yet again a genuine poster has been hijacked by a website ...of course it’s prudent not to post too many details but we re a caring lot who like helping each other and it’s only possibly to offer genuine help if you know what the problem is
Usernames have absolutely no bearing on the story which would be the recognisable part by anyone knowing the person or family the name is surplus information
The only way forward is a private thread but GN won’t allow this, so no way forward

Yogagirl Sat 03-Mar-18 09:39:17

Morning Yoyo I haven't read all the post, few pages, but no mention of the father of groom, how does he feel about you giving a speech or is he not in the picture, for what ever reason?

I walked my youngest D down the isle, I gave the f.o.b speech, as her father hadn't been in her life since she was 3yrs old. He wasn't invited to the wedding and when there were rumours he was flying over from Indonesia to be there, s.i.l said he would knock him out if he appeared!
He did appear [all expenses paid trip, complements of his dad, D granddad]

When all the speeches were made, D's father came to the top table, notes in hand, and gave his speech! He did, surprisingly, complement me on job well done, bringing our 3 children up on my own! Towards the end of the reception, my D had a big fluming row with her dad, that I had to pull her away from. Despite all this, it was a lovely wedding shock, no really smile

Those urging caution with your new d.i.l are giving you good advise, as the above D & my precious GC, I haven't seen or heard of for 5yrs+ and I didn't interfere in any way!

My eldest D's wedding was stunning, I was the normal m.o.b, in the background, but on the top table. My D did invite her dad [although said she would have preferred him not there] her granddad walked her down the isle, it would have been my dad, had he still been here. My D was very anxious at what her dad might do, but never would have dreamt what! Their first dance was actually two dances, the first romantic which then turned into a hip hop style, with a bit of Michael Jackson, really good, but unfortunately her dad decided to join them and so there were actually 3 dancing the first dance, D's dad dancing on one side, D in the middle, all on their wedding video grin, eventually his dad managed to get him off the dance floor, so they could finish their first dance on their own grin

yogogran Sat 03-Mar-18 08:39:34

Thank you Faye. It has been helpful to read the different viewpoints though

Faye Sat 03-Mar-18 08:30:30

You are not expected to reply to every comment yogogran. Some poster do occasionally though it isn’t necessary at all.

yogogran Sat 03-Mar-18 08:17:04

As I thught I had made clear in my previous post but clearly not I am grateful for all genuine replies and have taken what has been said on board. I didn't realise I would have to reply individually to every comment. I thought it was enough that I could read them, use them to understand whether my position was reasonable or not and thank those who had contributed for helping me do this. I will not be making a speech. I will be taking up some of the other positive suggestions for which I am grateful.

CariGransnet (GNHQ) Sat 03-Mar-18 07:55:03

A reminder that troll hunting is also against our rules. If you suspect a poster of not being genuine, please do not voice this on the thread but get in touch with us instead. As we have already said, it’s a public forum and so anyone can pick up on any thread.

Fenton95 Sat 03-Mar-18 05:39:26

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Sandym8 Fri 02-Mar-18 23:29:37

Tell him privately what you would have said. Good luck x

Jalima1108 Fri 02-Mar-18 23:25:45

Starts at 60 also has a FB page

CariGransnet (GNHQ) Fri 02-Mar-18 23:11:37

Jalima absolutely right.

It’s worth remembering that this is an open forum, which means that threads can be read by anyone, anywhere. In this case someone has picked up on it and featured it elsewhere - without our knowledge until it was reported - but the article is no more accessible than the original forum thread.

Perhaps this is a good time to remind everyone that this is a public forum that can be accessed by anyone and it’s always best to avoid too many identifying details when posting unless you are happy to reveal them to anyone who might come across your post.

It’s also good - as most have done - to pick a username that doesn’t correspond to your real name or free any other details of this type. But please rest assured that there is no way that anyone viewing the site would be able to know real names (as someone wondered above). Also (of course) we would never, ever pass on anyone’s personal details

Jalima1108 Fri 02-Mar-18 23:05:36

anything not any

Jalima1108 Fri 02-Mar-18 23:04:48

Apologies then, yogogran for doubting your intentions. It just goes to show though, there is a wide world out there keeping an eye on our threads - so don't post any too personal hmm.

Oopsadaisy12 Fri 02-Mar-18 22:47:50

Most threads on Gransnet are now on Facebook and also a site called Starts at 60, let’s hope they don’t post the actual names of posters.

yogogran Fri 02-Mar-18 22:43:37

I’m upset that anyone would think I am a journalist. I am not and I am as surprised as anyone to see my post on a website I have never heard of. I realise this is a public forum and can be viewed by anyone but it was a genuine question and the genuine replies that were offered in good faith have been very helpful to me. I joined the site some years ago but have been a lurker up until now. When I chose my username I did not know it was similar to anyone else’s but I imagine on a site with thousands of users this is not unusual. I have certainly spotted several that are similar

Jalima1108 Fri 02-Mar-18 20:40:45


And the username was very similar to one already in use, which I think the other Gransnetter was a bit surprised about.

Never end a sentence with 'about' like wot I did

MawBroon Fri 02-Mar-18 18:38:47

Have we been suckered?

Jalima1108 Fri 02-Mar-18 18:24:20

I think that is wise, as some people have put very personal details on here.

The link which a poster alerted us to was to an Australian site.

MawBroon Fri 02-Mar-18 18:09:15

If we are being used as a journalists fodder, Imthink the whole thread should be pulled and the OP barred.

Flin Fri 02-Mar-18 18:01:15

At our son and daughter-in-law's wedding, the best men (there were 2!) both gave speeches that praised our son. Why don't you chip in with the best man on his speech?
Enjoy a lovely day!

Apricity Fri 02-Mar-18 16:49:00

Gummybear, that's the thing about getting older. Sometimes you look back and wonder about your younger self and the best answer you can come up with is "it seemed like a good idea at the time". C'est la vie. 🌸

Luckylegs Fri 02-Mar-18 16:43:39

You poor thing, gummybears what a dreadful sounding wedding. I thought mine was bad enough but your takes the biscuit!

gummybears Fri 02-Mar-18 13:17:15

Lucky, apricity, indeed we are still married. The point about it being the second wedding has been made before and in all honesty, the older I get the more I question some of my decisions....

But we are where we are. I made a commitment and I will honour it to the best of my ability. My own mother behaved despicably regarding the wedding as well. Thankfully I have my dad, brother, and BIL to rely on in life!