To be very annoyed at this ungrateful child?

minimo

Being mindful if the fact that you are now friends with this lady, coukd you possibly arrange to meet her for coffee when neither of you have your GS?
You coukd then explain that, much as you'd like to keep up the friendship, you don't feel comfortable with the way her GS speaks to her, nor his dreadful remark when given the birthday present.
You fear that if such behaviour goes unchecked in front of YOUR GS, it will confuse his perception of acceptable behaviour and you certainly don't want that.
Suggest that you meet as friends on another day.
I definitely think it's unacceptable and wouldn't expose my GC or GGC to anything like that.
Good luck.

I definitely object to some of the comments here. Children are children and as such, are still learning and it is up to all of us to model behaviour.
Do not take it at face value. Sometimes children behave in this way because they are unsure. Maybe the child had never tried a jigsaw before and hence did not want to lose face. Very few children of that age actively dislike dinosaurs. In this situation, with any child, my own GD/Ss included, I would engage with the child. Picking up the present I might say. ‘What a shame, we love jigsaws don’t we X? Do you like dinosaurs? This jigsaw looks really hard – it’s got x number of pieces. I think I would need help with that. Shall we all give it a go?’ Twist the conversation round to your own ends or try a different tact. You are the adult! Once you have established a rapport, address the behaviour. ‘X chose that especially for you. Do you think it was kind to say you were going to throw it in the bin? I would hate it if someone did that to me! Do you think it would be a good idea to say sorry?’ The majority of children would act positively to this approach.
I am probably teaching many gransnetters to suck eggs but I will never condemn and give a ‘wide berth’ to a four year old!

I can't bear to be in the company of children who are allowed to be rude and behave badly. I would have taken the gift back and told him that if he didn't want it then my own grandchildren would play with it instead as I have no intention of wasting my money on him... and until his behaviour improved then we did not want to continue to spend any time in his company ...and I would make sure his grandmother heard this.

They do need to be taught to say nice things whether they like the gift or not. At four, they will really say what they think! I know an 8 year girl who was given a doll by her granny at Christmas. The girl exclaimed dramatically "you just don't get me"! Granny took the doll back and insisted she was taking it to the charity shop so a girl who appreciated it could have it.

"How do his parents behave" comes to mind.

Instead of "telling him off" for being rude, talk to this child suggesting what he has said was "not kind" "or rude" and if someone said that to him how would he feel?l
Would it make him feel sad or happy etc and have a conversation like that about good manners.

All 4 year olds can be bratty, precisely because they're 4 year olds.
They just need putting right.

I have heard it said that it takes a whole community to raise a child - or something on those lines. I do not hold back on those type of occasions and would probably have very quickly taken it back to give to someone nicer who would be pleased to have a present and would have told the birthday boy all about it! My grandson would probably have had it explained to him there and then that the kind of behaviour just seen was very bad and he was to make sure that he didn't behave in such a rude way - ever! I do not become embarrassed at doing these things either!
That child's grandmother cannot allow him to treat her so badly either because as he grows so will the abuse. Some children push the boundaries just to make sure you care enough to actually have boundaries!

Re. parents. Lots of little kids behave differently with their parents than they do with grandparents. More usually it's grandparents can get children to do things that parents can't (e.g. eat certain foods).
Personally I'd give this child a very wide berth.

I wonder if his grandmother doesn’t come down harder on him because her daughter/son doesn’t want her to. He does sound like a brat, rightly or wrongly if it had been me I would have gently taken it back from him and say something like that's fine, my dgs would love to have it if you don’t want it. I’m aware other people may disagree with me but the child does have to realise that he can’t just throw something away he doesn’t want/like. Your not even telling him off, you are simply saying that someone else would like to have it

Rude and ungrateful child; heading along the path of being a lonely one if somebody doesn't sort this out, Making excuses for him is not much help to him. Children all seem to start like little savages devoid of consideration - they will push others out of the way and snatch what they want but this is where good parents step in and gently explain. Isn't it everyone's duty to guide children towards being civilised? This Gran by laughing it off or not doing anything at all is just making him completely socially unacceptable .

The children who say they don’t like a present are only being honest. It’s quite complicated to learn that there are times when lying (i.e saying you like something when you don’t) is necessary. They do have to learn to be hypocritical, but it doesn’t come naturally to most children.

Not that I’m excusing bad behaviour, but I wouldn’t be quite as condemning as some are here.

minimo That's so horrible! Your poor little DGS! I would not feel guilty in telling your DGS that the way the other child behaves is wrong and you are so glad he is such a good and kind little boy and does not do those things.
I don't know how I would handle the situation with your friend, it is so hard for her. She really needs to stop her GS from behaving like this. Can you say you do not want your DGS exposed to that kind of thing next time it happens? Being me, ex-teacher, retired psychologist, I'd be saying outright to the child "do not behave like that when you are with my GS and me! It is very rude." But I'm not saying I would be right. I did have a friend whose children were wild, dangerous and basically thugs. Her youngest was same age as my youngest but twice the weight. This child nearly broke our telly. She was bashing it and her mother did nothing. I went over and took away the "tool" she was bashing it with and said no you don't etc. but she still kept trying to bash up my daughter. In fact there was another friend who's son was the same. In the end I had to speak up and tell the mothers that I would not have their children in my house behaving like that.

What a ghastly child! He probably has ghastly parents who are not training him in how to behave either. I would cut ties for a while and if you are asked "why" you can tell them straight. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. All the best.

Bluebell, My good friends son was a brat at 4, a bully at school, an even worse teenager, then suddenly morphed into a pompous 30 year old, who thinks the world owes him a living.
4 years old is a good age to nip bad behaviour in the bud.

plenty of time before you have to slap a label on him.

How awkward & such a shame that your friendship with the other grandma was been jeopardised. On the plus side your own GS was shocked .....
so thankfully he understands that the other child was mean and rude. Kids eh!!

We have had a little incident this past week with my grandaughter. (She will be 4 end of May)Her Aunt, my other daughter, brought her a small gift back from her recent holiday and she promptly said “I don’t want it” and tossed it down. When I and her parents found out she was given a good talking to regarding receiving gifts. I might add, she is known as a well mannered child normally so hopefully this won’t happen again.

I have a four year old grandson who is high spirited but soon gets pulled up if his behaviour is not acceptable. I don't think I would have been able to keep my mouth shut. Trouble is, these kids grow up with problems because nobody dares discipline them. Sorry - I blame the parents, but grandparents also need to step up if the parents are not around.

I try and do as much school pick ups as possible for my daughter as my granddaughter doesn’t like going to after-school club every day! But one day she goes to her friends for a play-date after school. This boy is rather a badly behaved child who says and does what he wants when he wants! He’s not like it at school so no malady with it’s own ‘letters’ is gonna cut it. Laid firmly at the door of patents! Now my granddaughter is beginning to think it’s acceptable NOT to say please and thank-you... and sulks if you insist on it. My daughter is a child psychologist so is handling it nicely ...but we’re all hoping THIS particular friendship fizzles out soon!

I would have very firmly taken (not asked for) the present back, not least because with any luck the boy would have reacted badly to this and this would have hopefully prompted a conversation between the grandmother and her grandson about why you had done this.
What a shame for your grandson, minimo. It's so lovely to teach a young child the joys of giving as well as receiving. How confused and disappointed he must have felt, poor little lad

I really dislike these comments that say ‘what a brat’ ‘horrid child’ etc None of us have a blooming clue only a tiny little snapshot of one persons experience We know nothing he could be feeling unwell, have autism or similar, ADHD, he may have a poor or difficult upbringing, or he may have been angry and upset for a million reasons or it could be that his family have not taught him how to react
I don’t see any problem with saying something in a kindly fashion to the person in charge but to label a 4 year old isn’t on in my opinion
Often in a young child anger is the spin off from sadness anxiety and fear Fear manifests itself as aggression in small and often not so small kids even adults who haven’t learned to deal with their fears and when people think they are awful children it’s the flight or fight syndrome totally out of their control so before judging I d perhaps gently find out a bit more about him

Autism is so often used as as excuse, or ADHD for that matter. ( I have some knowledge here - was a special needs teacher in a special school). This child needs boundaries regardless of any issues. He needs support to discover and address his issues, but so do the adults in his life. Talk with professionals - health people and educators are a good starting point. It can be done confidentially.

I have a problem a bit like this. My daughter is quite firm with dgs, as I was with her so no probs there. I look after him 3 days a week and we go to a children’s centre for cooking soft play etc. Another child is there with his gran , same age 2 1/2, and this child pushes and smacks others constantly, but particularly my dgs. This gran who is pleasant but ineffective in dealing with her gs doesn’t tell him off , or remove him , she just says “oh what are boys like! “ My dgs quite confused as on the very rare occasion he has hurt someone it had consequences. Getting to the point where I will either say something to her or the centres leader. Difficult dealing with others idea of child rearing , but I suppose our dgch learn that everyone’s different.

Frankly, I would stop seeing this child and his grandmother if I were you.

I would do so because I would be afraid that the very different way he is allowed to behave would influence your GS at some point.

There is little you can do to teach someone else's grandchild good manners, but that does not mean you have to put up with his lack of them.

If you want to go on seeing this other grandmother and her grandchild, I think you will have to mention that your grandchildren er being brought up very differently and that you wonder whether these different standards might not become a problem, as your GS has already been hurt by the other child's reception of his present.

Not just rude but very unkind, which is worse, to his friend.

I am sorry but I would have said something to the birthday boy, after he is four and will be or might even be at school..
I would also speak to the grandmother about his behaviour after all you don’t want your gd to follow suit.