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To be very annoyed at this ungrateful child?

(144 Posts)
minimo Fri 16-Mar-18 13:55:44

I look after my dgs once a week and we've got friendly with another gran who looks after her grandson (around same age as mine). It's been nice for me to have someone to chat to (and commiserate with when the kids get too high-spirited!) and we get on really well.

But her DGS is quite...something. He speaks to her really badly - shouts at her for forgetting his scooter or whatever, and generally treating her like his slave. She laughs it off and it's obviously not my business to comment so I've tried to ignore it hoping my dgs doesn't pick up any bad habits.

It was the boy's birthday last week so we took him a little present today. My dgs handed it over and the little boy ripped it open only to exclaim in disgust that he didn't like it and would throw it in the bin. My dgs had helped pick it out for his friend (it was a dinosaur puzzle so nothing too our of the ordinary I thought?) and I could see he was very confused and upset by this reaction. The other gran was apologetic but I was quite put out that she didn't set him straight - he should have been the one apologising. I know he's only 4 but surely manners should be taught from an early age? What do you think? Is this normal behaviour?

midgey Fri 16-Mar-18 14:06:37

Sounds like a horrid spoilt brat! Manners start at an early age I quite agree with you. Your grandson will have learnt a lesson not to behave!

Luckygirl Fri 16-Mar-18 14:07:23

Other people's children - who'd 'ave 'em eh?! Not a lot you can do except explain to your DGC that it was a bit rude and that you know he would not do that.

vampirequeen Fri 16-Mar-18 14:07:43

I don't think you're being unreasonable. The little boy was rude beyond rude.

Ilovecheese Fri 16-Mar-18 14:11:51

Your poor little grandson.
The other little boy sounds rather angry and unhappy, it seems like a bit more than just bad manners, but like you say, you can't really do anything about it.
I do know how you feel in some ways because one of my Grandaughters' other Grandmother lets her other grandchildren speak to her in the same way that you describe and I too, hope that my Grandaughter will not start doing the same.

Cherrytree59 Fri 16-Mar-18 14:17:25

Distressing for both you and your granddaughter.
It is possible that the grandson has not been taught kindness and good manners.
And it should have been explained to the little boy that it was not nice way to treat his friend and he should apologise.

However the grandson may have a type of autism
In which case the school will be communicating with the parents.

Your friend may be in an unfortunate position with family loyalties and keeping matters private.

Cherrytree59 Fri 16-Mar-18 14:18:36

Sorry should read grandson not granddaughter.

minimo Fri 16-Mar-18 14:20:30

Thank you. I feel quite hurt actually that this woman who I now consider a friend, didn't do more. I know it's hard when it's small children and I always try and think that there might be something else going on to explain certain behaviour. But then I also think that we excuse so much these days when it comes to bad behaviour and this little boy really needed to have been forced to apologise to my dgs and me. What's going to happen to him if he grows up thinking he can treat people like this?

minimo Fri 16-Mar-18 14:22:10

Sorry, cross post with you Cherry. As far as I know, there are no issues but I will bear it in mind. I'm not sure what to do now in terms of staying in contact with them.

MissAdventure Fri 16-Mar-18 14:22:43

I would be angry too, although I wouldn't say anything. I hope my silence would speak volumes.

Greenfinch Fri 16-Mar-18 14:35:16

Even at the age of four this little monster should have been taught that it is very wrong to hurt other people's feelings and sometimes we have to say thank you for things we don't actually like.

Grandma70s Fri 16-Mar-18 14:37:48

Is it possible she thought it better not to make a big thing of it at the time, but gave the little boy a big lecture later?

sparkly1000 Fri 16-Mar-18 14:46:20

This child sounds full of anger. I had a close friend whoe son was the same, he would call her a bitch or a fat cow in front of me and others, she would laugh it off but I could see that she was mortified.
Next time it happens perhaps say something along the lines of " X seems to be a bit unhappy today, has something upset him?" Your friend maybe relieved to have someone to talk to.

Greyduster Fri 16-Mar-18 14:53:33

Sounds like a budding Dudley Dursley from the HP books! It a about time his parents and the grandmother woke up and smelled the coffee before the boy gets much older and is beyond redemption. My GS had a friend like this. The way he spoke to his parents - especially his mother - was beyond belief and he was old enough to know that it was unacceptable. Neither DD nor I were sorry when the friendship fizzled out.

OldMeg Fri 16-Mar-18 14:56:17

I’m afraid I would have said in a loud voice ‘how rude!’

Antonia Fri 16-Mar-18 15:01:30

Agree with OldMeg here, this was such a rude reaction, and not surprised that your DGS was confused. Children should be taught from a young age that it is not acceptable to express dislike of a gift and that they should always respond with thanks. If any of my DGC spoke to me like that they would get short shrift!

OldMeg Fri 16-Mar-18 15:06:07

Exactly Antonia I have on occasion been heard to ask ‘just who do you think you are talking to?’

Eloethan Fri 16-Mar-18 15:24:10

Shocking behaviour and I think his grandma should have told him he was very rude. Perhaps she talked about it to him when they were on their own but I think she should have also said something at the time.

It's rather sad really because nobody likes a spoilt brat and his family are doing him no favours in letting him behave in that way.

If it were me, I feel sure that my initial reaction would be to steer clear of this lady and her rude grandchild. But as you like her, perhaps that is a bit drastic. I think I might be tempted to comment if he behaves in a similar way while you are in their company. It runs the risk of ending the friendship but I think it would become too irritating having to ignore such rude behaviour.

eazybee Fri 16-Mar-18 15:32:43

I doubt that this child is autistic; far too readily used as an excuse, and if he had been diagnosed the grandmother would have used this as an explanation.
She should have reproved him and apologised to your grandchild; he won't learn manners otherwise. I am surprised at the numbers of grandmas who tolerate rudeness in their grandchildren that they would never have permitted from their own children.
Up to you whether you continue seeing them.

Oopsadaisy12 Fri 16-Mar-18 15:34:37

Stay away until her little brat learns some manners or your DGS will be copying him and then you will get the blame when he acts up.
Some GMs are or seem to be unable to discipline the GCs and think that they can do no wrong.
Why not try to see the lady on the days you don’t have The children with you, if she asks why, tell her.

MissAdventure Fri 16-Mar-18 15:39:03

I would imagine an autistic child would need more help and explanations about what is polite behaviour, and so on, so - no excuse as far as I'm concerned.
Although maybe there is an issue regarding the Nan disciplining her grandson?
Perhaps its something she doesn't feel able, or isn't allowed to do?

sodapop Fri 16-Mar-18 15:49:45

I agree with eazybee if the child has a problem an explanation could have been given.
Can't believe anyone would just accept this behaviour from a small child. If I was not allowed to discipline my grandchildren I would not be looking after them.

Greenfinch Fri 16-Mar-18 16:37:26

If the child had a problem it is probably undiagnosed. So many parents refuse to believe there is a problem seeing this as a kind of stigma.It is such a pity as ,once the problem is recognised,help can be given. Cleary this child needs help problem or not.

MissAdventure Fri 16-Mar-18 16:38:58

I think it would be a huge help to explain what is and isn't acceptable, just for a start.

janeainsworth Fri 16-Mar-18 16:48:33

I know he's only 4 but surely manners should be taught from an early age?

They certainly should. I remember DDiL taking DGD to one side at about the same age and having a conversation about ‘appropriate gift responses’grin