to get my AC to clear their old rooms?

After graduating from the university, our son moved to his own place in the city and left a lot of things behind. For months I tried to get him to finish moving out his old stuff, but to no avail. He kept saying he didn't need or want any of it; continually promising to take care of it 'next time'.

I finally gave up and cleaned it out myself. I threw out/donated many things and narrowed down the remainder to books, a few games, photo albums, gadgets, trophies etc. and anything else that was left that might be of value to him. I ended up packing up four or five cardboard boxes.

On one of his visits and while he was busy chatting with his dad, I picked up his car keys (he always leaves them in plain sight somewhere), opened up the boot (car was right outside on our driveway) and quietly crammed it with boxes.

I can still picture him happily driving away with his cargo and not having a clue. We still laugh about it over 20 years later!

Couldn’t agree more Urmstongran, we downsized, very liberating and gave our 2 ACs warning. They both have their own places and both said they didn’t need/want any of their old stuff. They both live in London so small properties. We went through everything, the art teacher’s wonderful art books are now in his school as a resource for his pupils, CDs/ DVDs/ books all went to charity shops. We were the largest donators to the local RedCross book shop for a few months. Photos, play programmes, one son was an actor, were saved into a folder. Two large rooms, reduced to an A4 sized folder. Friend’s children received lots of furniture, which pleased us as didn’t want to add to landfill. We kept the Lego which dgs now plays with and some books, which he likes and tells his father off for either writing in or breaking the pop ups. Our newest dil was issued a warning by her mum in the States to clear her old room as they were downsizing, and she said, S’s mum did it for him, why can’t you!

Get cardboard boxes from supermarkets and box up. Present a box at a time on each AC visit to house to deal with. Maybe keep some 'valuable' items in a lidded plastic storage crate. I have redecorated both kids bedrooms so that probably takes from their sentimental value. You could take a photo of boxed up items ready for 'off' and post to them to show you are serious! I am lucky in that charity shops collect from house.

I could not even get dog shelters to take excess duvets! I used in recent cold spell to make up into draught excluders for those unused rooms in the house.

They have had enough warnings so bag up their stuff and dump it on their doorstep and use your house how you want to. Stop blaming them and look at your own behaviour for allowing it.

the only detail I'd differ in is to suggest taking everything to charity shops rather than giving yourself the expense of a skip and creating more landfill. Clothes etc which you may think unsuitable for resale can be bagged and sold by weight for rags by charity shops. If you wanted to be a bit more direct you could bag all the junk label the bags with the name of the child (ie responsible adult with their own place which you don't have a room in) it belongs to, hire a man with a van and have the bags delivered to their doorsteps.

You have asked them and given them deadlines. The time is now for action and not talking about it! Bag some of it up and drop it on their door step and keep doing this until you have reclaim your home.

Pretend you've dumped the lot. I would move everything into one of the rooms. Box up one room and store it in the other.
Then text a photo of the empty room to the children, with a message saying "one room done, one to go "

Not unreasonable at all. Give a deadline stating that if it's not met you will assume that they do not want the stuff and so will dispose of it for them. It's your house not their dumping ground!

When we downsized 8 years ago (planned for the future, best thing we did!) our family home of 32y had loads of our AC stuff, in the loft & other spaces. Netball trophies from playing for the County etc. I rang them up, asked them if they wanted any of it. They knew we wouldn’t have space! They didn’t. We tipped it. You don’t need tangible evidence to hold onto your memories! Honestly ladies it was so liberating.

Good luck Dontaskme. You are going to feel so good once it's all done and the children have accepted it. No doubt they'll de defensive but they will get over it.

I agree with M0nica. My kids were good when they moved out and took almost everything with them, but if I found stuff in cupboards or loft, I bagged it up and presented it to them to take home each time they visited or I visited them. I have enough clutter of my own without storing theirs!

Maybe follow the example of the GNer with the unwanted lodger?
Give them a date and say "I want it GONE!"

Ask them what they plan to do with their stuff. Ask in person, or on the phone, so they have to actually answer.
(If the answer is 'keep it in the loft', and you're ok with that, then they need to put it there, not you')

Tell them "If it's still here on xxx-date, I will book a skip for zzz-date."

YANBU and your AC are bullying you by doing this.

I think your AC are the unreasonable ones. They are using your home as a free storage facility and expect you to go along with it without batting an eyelid. I would have pointed out to them when they left home that their possessions were to go with them at the time. You are enabling them to carry on like this by allowing them to come back and forth sorting through bits and pieces as they choose. You could compromise by allowing them one box of sentimental things...ie: childhood memories, school certificates etc. in a box in the loft and the rest they must take or find somewhere else to store them.

Hello2U2, I certainly don't miss having my children at home. We've all moved on. I thoroughly enjoy my present life with no immediate dependants. The icing on the cake is that they are both in happy relationships and we are well and regularly in touch. Do not ask for more but absolutely love the occasions when I'm in their physical company.

I had this situation and one daughter was particularly unwilling to take her stuff as she hates clutter (!). Eventually I told her I’d bagged it all up and she had a week before I got rid of it all (charity shops, tip). She grudgingly came, whinged a lot and took less than a carrier bag of stuff. I then had the task of getting rid but at least I reclaimed some space.

*give, goes. Sorry.

My 5 AC took all their possessions, lock, stock and barrel, when they moved out without me having to ive deadlines, so I'm in the fortunate position of not having that problem. What I would say is that a month is adequate time for them to collect their stuff...ALL of it.
I wouldn't allow them to keep things in your attic as it uses space which you may need if not now, then in the future.
There's no need to justify anything or for them to point out that (perhaps) you have more room. They must manage their own possessions and clean out everything or else it gies to the tip or charity shop. Put it in writing or email and keep a copy.
Being a parent doesn't mean you'reca storage unit.
Be firm and give a day and time by which it ALL goes...no excuses.

One thing we did get rid of recently was a mountain of soft toys in bin bags in the loft, though several old favourites are still there in their bedrooms - Gdcs enjoy them when they come.
However I am ridiculously sentimental about just chucking soft toys out! Given that friends' dogs used to like carrying them about, we thought of asking Battersea Dogs' Home, and yes, they were pleased to have them - as long as they weren't stuffed with polystyrene granules.

Exit Dh to Battersea Dogs' Home, with a couple of bin bags.
Obviously they'll be chewed up/chucked soon enough anyway, but at least they'll have served some sort of purpose first.
On similar vein, we also offloaded several old duvets to a Dogs' Trust centre not too far away. They are always glad to have such things.

Am I the only one who misses my kids terribly? I cherish the things they have left behind, because that’s all I have of them left.
They aren’t “mine” any more, they are married and busy professionals, with kids of their own. I remember how busy I was at their age. My mum hardly came into my head, nor could I visit her regularly being 6 hours away. That was the days before mobile phone...even a phone until later. None the less, their rooms are still their rooms, now with the added addition of my grandchildren’s names on the doors.

That’s all I have to remind me of the very very happy days when my children were living with me, their mum and I cherish these memories. I’m never going to be downsizing, leaving this 5 bedroom house, purely because my husband never really lived in it all these 45 years he worked long, long hours. My darling dogs and cats are all buried in my back garden.

Yes, one room has a lifetime of memories in it, and each other room has memories. Some baby toys and memorable clothes, photos, books and other bits they left behind and I cherish everything. Their room will always be their room!

I’m hanging on to the past, I know, but it was a great past, and now I’m saving my grandchildren past. Guessing you all think I’m crazy, but when you live mikes away from your home town, no one to help you get out on your own, a husband who just slept in the house, that is the only comfort I have left....and one friend who has another 12 years before she retires!! I’m home alone now.

Some of the comments here are ignoring that the adult children in this particular case are not neatly storing their excess items with their parents, they are keeping their old rooms unusable by strewing their items around the rooms like they did when they lived there. It's not a case of storing a few neat boxes in the attic or a boxroom, which most of us end up doing happily.

I'm with Grampie - time to sell and move on?

If rent has been charged and the occupants continuing to pay rent, although not living there, keep collecting the money. However this does not appear to be the case. Your good nature rent free storage is now at an end and they are ignoring you requests to move their property so you are within your rights to dump it. If their property is of value get hold of a charity who will be glad to have it and will collect free of charge. Let your 'lodgers' know of this. Alternately hire a skip to dispose of their property and advise them where it can be found.

It sounds very familiar! My adult children both worked abroad for a number of years so had left all their 'stuff' back at 'home'! Like Don't I felt uncomfortable going through their things (found boxes of letters and diaries that I peeked at and closed quickly...too much information!)
Eventually, over a number of visits it got reduced but we still ended up taking a box of my daughters stuff to France with us as I'd promised not to throw away some childhood treasures that she had no room to store. Ridiculous really but I didn't have the heart to threaten her with throwing them away.

I have a few items of clothing for the son who lives far away and this saves him packing when he visits. He also admits to loving wearing ironed stuff when he is here! Other than that nothing belonging to my children but I did have a bit of angst with one over this matter. We're fine now and my house is mine with an ever open door for them but no items to be left behind - ever.

I suppose I am unusual in that I am happy to store my children and grandchildren's possessions until they are ready and are able to take them. I love the fact that they trust me to look after their stuff and I treasure memories I have of them. I am lucky to have the room I know but life is so short and isn't it wonderful to have family. Many don't.