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AIBU

to get my AC to clear their old rooms?

(91 Posts)
Dontaskme Mon 26-Mar-18 10:58:33

They have both moved out, not that you'd notice as they both still have rooms full of stuff that they come back and look through for something and chuck everywhere. I'm not kidding when I say the rooms look like there has been and explosion and I'm so embarrassed and frustrated, even though no-one sees them. It is also all over the landings and up their stairs (multiple storey house) Its MY home and its driving me nuts. I gave them a deadline of the end of this month but nothing has happened. They go crazy if I go in their old rooms but aibu if, once the deadline has passed, I go in and bag their stuff up? I've told them that anything they want to keep can go in my loft, its not like I've even said they have to take it, although the amount of stuff they have will take most of the loft tbh. They don't pay rent for the rooms, never did, and have been gone for some time. What would you do and how did you get your AC rooms back?

Teddy123 Tue 27-Mar-18 10:25:49

I can't remember how I did it but once they moved out, most of their their stuff did too! I think in your circumstances if they don't remove their stuff by the deadline, I would condense it into the smallest bedroom.
Then rethink your next step. I liked Monica's idea of taking a couple of boxes round to them every time you visit. Ok you'll be doing the work but at least it will be done. Good Luck

Overthehills Tue 27-Mar-18 10:17:41

Oops - their!

Overthehills Tue 27-Mar-18 10:17:13

We downsized so they’re stuff had to go - they sorted it, decided what they wanted to keep and got rid of the rest. But - ducks behind sofa - I quite like having some of their stuff around. In moderation of course! wink

Witzend Tue 27-Mar-18 10:16:10

I must be in a minority of one here, but I don't mind keeping dds' stuff. We are still able to use their rooms - in fact I have two lots of guests arriving one after the other later this week.
Dd1 in particular has a lot less storage space than we do - her loft was converted into more bedrooms so that space is gone, they have no garage, and rooms are fairly small with not enough cupboards, and she has 2 very little dcs.

We were quite a bit younger than her and son in law when we were able to buy a bigger house with plenty of storage space - the relatively much higher cost of housing is certainly a factor here. Many of dds' contemporaries are living in smaller houses than their parents were able to buy at the same age or younger.

I should add that both dds know they are fortunate to have been able to buy their own homes at all.

ReadyMeals Tue 27-Mar-18 10:14:57

Box it up, and don't let them go through the boxes to find individual things. So they either leave it with you neatly boxed and untouched or they take it home to sort it there.

Nannymarg53 Tue 27-Mar-18 10:14:26

Ha ha! They’re keeping their options open aren’t they? I think MOnika has the right approach ?

Saggi Tue 27-Mar-18 10:11:47

I gave my two ultimatums after they left home ...which I thought extremely liberal ...a whole year to sort what they wanted to take to their flats... what they DIDNT want kept and what went in he loft. Lift stuff was mostly stuff if theirs I wanted to keep; old school reports, certificates for sports and swimming ... pots they’d made me , cards they’d made and bought me. All sentimental stuff . There childhood games went into loft..which they have trolled through since and taken ‘othello’...’monopoly ‘.... ‘downfall’...kerplunk... connect 4....all have gone to daughters house for her kids.My son took his scalextric...his action men and jeeps! He’s got no kids ...so have NO idea what’s going on there!!? Every other thing including bikes went to charity or dump! Neither of them looks back all the time...! Give you kids s final ultimatum and let them know you MEAN it! Then throw the lot in a skip or dump! You can only hang in to childhood for awhile ...then it’s time to cut the strings!

HootyMcOwlface Tue 27-Mar-18 10:04:42

My two's rooms sound like yours Don't so I feel for you! I hate going in their rooms they are so messy. I have one at uni and the other lives a 3hours drive away in a rented room in a shared house (that's all he can afford) so looks like I'm stuck with mine for a bit yet. Once they have their own places I will do the same as you.

I'd send them a reminder then if they don't show up to clear it by your Saturday deadline, text to say you will be starting to clear on Monday, then text to say you've started and have a skip coming next Saturday (even if you haven't) that might get them moving! Good luck!

NotSpaghetti Tue 27-Mar-18 09:59:51

Personally I'd do what M0nica suggests. Just a box at a time. It would make you feel there was action and little by little they'd probably get used to the idea. That way you aren't making the choice about what is "worth" keeping. Maybe your deadline could be the start of your boxing up project?

Coconut Tue 27-Mar-18 09:57:51

I think many of us Mums are guilty of giving one last chance, then not following thro, and it sounds like your 2 are not taking you seriously. Personally I would go in there as you say and start boxing and labelling “ stuff” then tell them when you’ve done it, and it will all be in the loft, and give another deadline before you do put it in the loft. That way they have had adequate notice and know by then that you are serious. As others have said, they def need a reality check that they are not their rooms anymore .... unless of course they would like to pay you as a storage facility !

Skweek1 Tue 27-Mar-18 09:55:18

My feeling is that you should tell them that they have 3 months or whatever timetable you feel realistic to remove all their stuff (including what is in your loft), or you will pack it all up, give anything valuable to a charity shop of your choice and then anything left will be put in a skip which you will charge them for. Point out that you are having a major declutter to clean out your home and remove all unwanted rubbish from your life. They won't like it, but tough!

Missfoodlove Tue 27-Mar-18 09:53:43

I have sheds garages and loft space full of my children’s stuff.
However when my eldest moved flat recently we refused to take his excess.
He sent it via courier to his sister who hasn’t stopped whining!! Oh the irony.

razzmatazz Tue 27-Mar-18 09:51:42

I gave mine a decline then told them I would take it to the tip if it wasn't collected . They knew me well enough to know I meant it . It was gone by the deadline . Say it and MEAN IT.

Grampie Tue 27-Mar-18 09:48:57

Sounds like it is time to downsize.

Jalima1108 Mon 26-Mar-18 20:51:14

One DD is a hoarder (takes after my MIL!) - as long as it is hoarded at our house.
I really must toughen up and dispose of it all.

NanKate Mon 26-Mar-18 20:16:07

Please don't waver Dontaskme. A dear friend of mine is in a similar position and I asked her why she let's her DD bully and ignore her over her room of junk. She said she thought her daughter would freeze her out and she would lose her if she put everything in black bags, which if course is a load of old rubbish (just like her DD's room). The DD relies on her for company on weekends away and her mother has helped her financially in the past. She needs her mum too much.

Bite the bullet, be brave and stand up for yourself.

womblekelly Mon 26-Mar-18 19:56:05

Well one daughter was v good about moving out and the other not so, it has taken a few years but I have two spare rooms, achieved by a few trips to the tip and charity shops and every time a charity bag was delivered I would fill a bag. Now have the loft to sort but it’s not unmanageable ..... and (whispers) she hasn’t missed anything!!!!

Bathsheba Mon 26-Mar-18 18:06:54

Well done Dont. They should understand that these are rooms in your house. If they want to be able to retain some ownership of the rooms and contents, they should be paying you a rental / storage fee!

Sounds as if there may be some upset ahead, but they'll get over it wink. Good luck!

annodomini Mon 26-Mar-18 18:05:11

I downsized 18 years ago, so there was nowhere to put any leftover junk. DS1 came and helped to fill a skip with some of their stuff from the garage. We seemed to have enough bits of bikes to make two more! They both had their own homes by that time, so anything worth having had been taken. DS1 is definitely not a hoarder though his brother does seem to accumulate 'things' - just as well his house extension is almost ready to fill!

Dontaskme Mon 26-Mar-18 17:26:33

Thank you everyone. That's it, I'm not having it anymore! I've text the deadline reminder, been ignored by one and lets say "challenged" by the other, but Saturday is the cut off then I'm dealing with it once and for all. They know I don't "need" the rooms as there is another spare one with a bathroom should we need one (haven't had a houseguest for about 5 years though as I don't like overnighters) but I want their crap gone. I feel like getting on with it right now but I'll wait for the deadline to pass - as it will!

Nanabilly Mon 26-Mar-18 17:07:22

As soon as our AD left home we sorted their rooms out and made them into nice rooms to suit us for guests and now GC .
We do still have a few bits of old toys that are slowly coming into use as GC get older but I would not keep their rooms as they were when they were at home for love nor money. It is our home and they have their own now.
Cut those apron strings and turf it all out.
As for them being unhappy if you go in and do any sorting out (sorry I can't remember if the OP said this or a post afterwards ) well that would make me even more determined to clear the rooms.

MissAdventure Mon 26-Mar-18 16:26:40

I have an aunt who won't downsize because of the 'children's' stuff. (All in their 40s)

Smithy Mon 26-Mar-18 16:24:53

A friend if mine has a daughter in her forties who left home over 20 years ago. She still calls it C---s room and it's full of her stuff. I've moved twice since my daughter left home so her stuff is long gone.

gummybears Mon 26-Mar-18 16:05:46

"My" room stopped being "my" room when I moved out.

You are being perfectly reasonable. They don't need this crap or they would have it where they currently live.

ginny Mon 26-Mar-18 14:52:36

Repeat the deadline. If the ‘stuff’ is that important to them they can keep it at their own place. Anything not collected goes.