They have both moved out, not that you'd notice as they both still have rooms full of stuff that they come back and look through for something and chuck everywhere. I'm not kidding when I say the rooms look like there has been and explosion and I'm so embarrassed and frustrated, even though no-one sees them. It is also all over the landings and up their stairs (multiple storey house) Its MY home and its driving me nuts. I gave them a deadline of the end of this month but nothing has happened. They go crazy if I go in their old rooms but aibu if, once the deadline has passed, I go in and bag their stuff up? I've told them that anything they want to keep can go in my loft, its not like I've even said they have to take it, although the amount of stuff they have will take most of the loft tbh. They don't pay rent for the rooms, never did, and have been gone for some time. What would you do and how did you get your AC rooms back?
Dontaskme I wouldnt give up yet. I would take the stuff in the car and be assertive. I would not leg them off with it They'll respect you more.
Every time one of them visited me they were given something to take back. Every time I visited I took something. This was when they had their own homes. If we were going to stay then we took massive suitcases ,minimum clothes for us but full of their junk.
alchemilla it was an epic fail! Something super important came up for both of the AC every time they weren't at work, like having to meet a friend, have a sleep in, cook for PIL, walk the neighbours dog - you name it, so many excuses which they called reasons why they couldn't come over and clear their stuff. I went ballistic and bunged their crap in bags willy nilly, which I then launched into the loft where several landed and burst, open but did I care? We hope to move in a year or two and if it hasn't been taken by then in the skip it will all go. They never do anything when I ask them so shouldn't have been surprised. My fault entirely as I was too easy going when they were growing up, which tbh made my life at times a bit not-quite-how-I-expected. My advice to any new parent - be firm, MAKE them do as you say when you say it and don't take any nonsense. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.
OP have they removed their stuff? or did you have to? hope your house is now clear a month after you posted .....
I hope you had a positive response Dontaskme. You are now in a position to reclaim your house for yourself. Be brave and do it.
Maybe the only answer is to move house. I have tried to get shot of their stuff for the past 20 years and instead my DD has completely taken back "her" room as a pied de terre whenever she pleases. I don't really mind and keep it fairly tidy so that friends of ours can stay there too. It's filled with cot, car seats, spare nappies and high chair now so a bit of a squeeze. Her older brother, who lives abroad, said he would clear out his stuff and eventually did so reluctantly with a rather bad grace - it was mostly old videos and home made tapes. I think they want you to love their things like you kept their prize essays and woodwork trophies. Love me, love my stuff!!!
My two DDs have been married for 11 years and 3 years and have their own homes. I still have their wedding dresses hanging up in the spare bedroom. They say they haven't got anywhere to keep them but they take up an awful lot of room! Part of the problem is the cost of having them cleaned and boxed. Having read this thread I wonder if it's time to issue a deadline for their removal?
If you have a garage then I suggest you stuff their junk into black rubbish bags and dump it in there.
Let it get damp and mildewed - that'll teach them! After all, they are effectively living in their own places and yours as well - bloody nerve of them.
same problem here I'd hire a skip but DH won't throw anything out
You are being quite reasonable, but if you want, you could e-mail your children telling them that your deadline is to be taken very seriously this time.
Point out that it is not only their old rooms that look like bomb-sites, but that their things are all over your stairs and landings and that you are not prepared to put up with this any longer.
Don't offer to store anything for them. Tell them anything left after your deadline will be thrown out.
Why should you go to the trouble of packing their stuff and lugging it up to your attic? I don't somehow see them coming to help.
There are plenty of storage facilities now-a-days if they really want to keep all this stuff. If you store it, you will have a problem if you ever want to move.
We do have a few bits and pieces belonging to our children but I think it is unreasonable to expect parents to store huge quantities of personal belongings.
Nankate How awful that your friend should feel so powerless in the face of a demanding daughter. Even if she didn't depend on her Mum socially and financially, I think she should have more respect and consideration for a parent.
Two rooms full of stuff here, too. Eldest didn’t even empty rubbish bin after he left! He also has room full of stuff at his dad’s. Youngest at university so willing to leave that. Eldest in rented accommodation. Once he’s more sorted will definitely say clear it up! But it’s a weird stage. They’ve gone, yet, not, esp youngest. Feel in limbo with it all. Don’t need all this stuff, or house this size for just me ....
Well you all seem to think giving a deadline and then getting rid of the stuff is the right answer.
I like g melon's idea of?
packing everything in one room
You don't want to use the space so what is the problem? how long have they been gone, 5 plus years and their own family home I understand. IF living in rented accomadation they may feel your home has lots of good memories and is still their home.
Think about it
If its scattered around like a bombsite then its reasonable to ask for it to be moved. My main childrearing rule was to never make a threat or a promise unless you intended to carry it out. If you are not consistent they take no notice. If it worries you that you might be throwing away stuff of value and you dont want them taking for granted that you will keep it forever in the loft - do you have an old shed or garage to put it in before the deadline. Somewhere damp, dirty or cold might trouble them and increase the speed of removal. I store selected stuff of value for my kids who have smaller homes with no storage, but this consists of cots, prams and childrens clothes and toys being kept for future babies and to be passed on later to next daughter. Dont forget to use Ebay. I have been amazed at how much some of my 'rubbish' sold for. Your rubbish could be treasure to someone on a low income who buys it from you. Good luck
DS has taken all his stuff but there is a cupboard of DD's bits and pieces. She has a small home with very little storage space so I'm not pushing her. Occasionally she comes and has a sort through and a reminisce which is rather nice really.
DH is the one who takes up every ounce of unused space!!! I think his mantra is: see a space; put something on it. It's that which drives me nuts more than DD's bits and pieces.
No.1 son left home five years ago. Married two years. He took most of his stuff except a couple of boxes up in the loft. Over the time together he and his wife have thinned out what they have in their place.
No.2 son left beginning of the month. 28 years worth of stuff under his bed and in the loft. I've spent nearly £100 on plastic crates to contain all his stuff. He has warned me to not get rid of any of it. So as soon as the weather improves its all going out in the garage, right at the back. The bedroom is being emptied to be decorated then ignored. Going to try and live as if we were in a two bedroom house, ready to downsize.
The loft will be gradually sorted and emptied of baby cot, high chair etc. Lots of toys too. If they want it they can have it at their house.
BUT then again I don't think they will every really remove it all. They are hoarders, including my husband who still has stuff from his fathers house. He died in 2000.
I'll have to get my two to take their stuff before I downsize which I plan to do when I retire in a couple of years. However I'm about to box up DS's room as I'm going to have a friend's son staying with me for a few months and don't want to give him the proper spare room as I'll need that for DS and DIL if they visit. I can't take it to their home as they live in a tiny back to back house which is already full to capacity (and 200 miles away) but once it is boxed it will be easy for them to take when they have a bigger place with more space. I dread to think how long I'll be stuck with DD's stuff as I wouldn't know where to begin with boxing as it is such a mess. As she lives over 400 miles away she rarely comes home by car and when I visit her I go by train. I may have to consider a deadline for her but it will need to be quite a long one!
When I moved out I took everything with me but I didn't have anywhere near as much stuff as they do nowadays. When my (now ex) husband bought his first home his parents insisted he moved everything out immediately which at the time I thought was a bit harsh but he managed despite every available bit of storage being stuffed with board games! Four years on from the divorce and I still have some of his unwanted stuff in my loft but it is now mine to do with as I wish, though I doubt anything is worth much!
We also moved house (two hours drive) and still have some of our four DCs clutter in the loft, but very little. We've taken care to make sure that they don't have their "own" rooms here, nothing is left here after they visit, other than a few odds and ends belonging to the GC.
One of our DC came for an extende stay last year when he wasn't well, and it was like having a child in the house again: not wanting to eat when we did, finishing all the bread and milk without a word etc. etc.
What do all these blooming abbreviations mean?????
Invite a friend/relative or two to stay for a weekend, tell your DDs they must move their stuff before that date or you'll have no choice but to box their stuff up and put it in the loft so you can use the rooms.
Do it! It's about mutual respect.
I re-claimed the rooms when they both went to Uni. One came back twice and each time we welcomed and then re-claimed again. The rooms are now a spare bedroom and office for hubby.There is some stuff in the loft too which eventually will have to go as we will not be taking it with us when we go!
My mother put my whole room in the back of her car and dropped it off at my flat 
My own daughter still has a room at mine but she comes home every weekend
Thank you. You have all given me strength to stick to my guns and stand up for myself! I did give them a deadline with 2 months or so notice, I have reminded them of this deadline repeatedly AND I text them both last night to tell them again - time is up on Saturday. As I said earlier one ignored me at first but then contacted me and told me to throw it all away, the other one has argued a bit and asked "when do I have time?". The clock is ticking and the deadline approaches. I have my black bags at the ready. To give you an idea of how long this has been going on one of these AC has 2 children of their own! Their own homes are very clean, tidy, spick, span and minimalistic. That's cos all the crap is here! Not for much longer it isn't! I will let you know how it went after the event. Thanks everyone
I love that Willa I can just imagine his face when he found them!
Ever time we visit my son I sneak in a box of his things which I hide somewhere (garden shed usually) My dil thinks it's quite funny. Visiting my dd in Oz I still take a few bits like christening gifts they left here before emigrating. Gradually it is getting there!
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