Not to want to wear matching outfits?

Does her mother really want someone in the same outfit as hers? I thought it a bit OTT when a friend said that as mother of the groom, she had to stick to a specific colour Don’t be bullied into this as it could set the tone for the future of your relationship, stand your ground now.

Oh no .... I will be mother of the bride in December and there has not been any dress dictates going out except that it needs to be quite warm as wedding takes place in the Highlands...

chrissyh...my point exactly. Family feuds have been started this way!

How odd. Most mums go to great lengths NOT to wear what even the same colour that the other mum is wearing.

My mother chose to wear a coat, dress and hat in exactly the same shade of blue as my bridesmaids' dresses. And she knew exactly what she was doing! In the photos, which thankfully are mostly black and white, she looks ridiculous.

Reminds me of a wedding years ago when I was still working.....it was a co worker"s oldest daughter who was getting married.

The wedding plans got underway seemingly without a hitch and everyone was thrilled. Every day there were new updates with everything splendid and on schedule...that is, until there was a misunderstanding about dress colors. It seems that the groom's mother ordered her dress in 'Seafoam' and my co worker's dress was 'Misty Sage'.

The war broke out when the dresses turned out to be the same shade of (pale avocado) green and both sides refused to budge. The drama continued for months even as the wedding plans lumbered along. In the end, the families stopped speaking. At the the wedding, one of the groom's brothers got drunk and blows were exchanged. The hapless couple ended up moving far, far away.

I retired not long after that, but the way that whole thing went down has always been hard to get out of my head.

At weddings it is only the brides maids who wear matching dresses. The last thing you want to do is see yourself in wedding photos dressed as the twin of the brides' mother and it seems not looking your best either.

Hope you find a lovely outfit of your own.

Oh yeuk, you would look like a couple of old bridesmaids! Terrible idea and totally lacking in good taste. Very surprised that the MOB would want to spoil her chance of a good unique outfit for herself. Stand your ground, don't send the photo, I would too have qualms if it was me but would not do it. You will be proved to be right.

I absolutely agree with everyone here! On no account go along with this! It’s plain rude, controlling and unacceptable!! As you say, it could be the idea of the brides mother if , as you say, you wouldn’t put it past her! As for letting her see what you are wearing , make them wait in suspense for the wedding day! I’d go nuts if somebody tried to manipulate me in such an inconsiderate manner! Grrrrr!

Wear what make you feel good, especially if your ex will be there! Put your foot down and say sorry you had already spent a fortune on your outfit by the time they let you know. Wearing something you dont like will zap your confidence and you will be uncomfortable all day

I agree with what kittylester and other posters have said. You've already bought your outfit. I'm sure you'll look good in your own choice of dress.
Do update us after the event! I reckon in a few years time the bride will be dressing her DC in von Trapp style outfits!

However I'd love to see a Nigerian wedding, spectacular must indeed be the word for such exuberance!

How awful. I would want to crawl into a corner in utter humiliation if I was wearing an identical outfit to the other mother. Other grans have given good advice - inform her you already have your dress which you really love and are looking forward to wearing, and that it will tone in very well and complement Brides mothers lovely dress. ( I am assuming they dont clash horribly). This is your happy event too. After all it is your son. My daughter gave general guidelines by asking mums to tone in with a blue and white theme, and'asking guests not to wear black ( because they had seen friends weddings which looked more like funerals when black was in fashion). I submitted a photo of my dress to my dd so that mil could avoid buying the same outfit (highly unlikely anyway). Enjoy your sons wedding

Tell her no quickly - kindly of course but quickly!

I was shocked but not actually surprised to read the OP. After all at my DS3's wedding the main men were all told they would wear hired kilts and DH was not impressed. The MOB had a change of outfits, one for day and one for evening - including shoes and luckily the outfit I wore looked passable, suited me and I didn't embarrass my DS.

Weddings are such highly planned events these days - OTT in every way with over long engagements, hen nights and stag dos that last for days followed by enormous weddings which cost so much they need to save for years or spend years paying off the loans. How I long for the days, like our own wedding, 50 yrs ago when everything was simple. You made your own dress, your own cake and your own sandwiches......

When my Step-D got married there were 3 of us, MOB, MOG & Step-MOB. MOG bought her outfit 1st, green which would not have suited me, MOB bought yellow & I bought pale blue, only thing we did was check with the Bride to make sure we all chose different colours.

My neighbour's DD married last year (2 teenage children, lived with her OH for 18 years). Large White Wedding & every-one was required to wear varying shades of cream.

I would not allow any-one to dictate to me, I would agree with many others, email to say you have already got your outfit & stick to your guns, politely of course. Bridezilla

grannywonder Agh! I am in agonies for you! This is truly weird and definitely not very thoughtful of Bride-to be! Still, it takes all sorts...

Here's me, trying to be a Christian, seriously thinking: Is this a time for a little white lie? Can you draw this out as if you are doing as asked.... until at the last minute, the dress has to go back with a big problem like the back seam is coming undone? I'm NOT saying actually buy it and damage it! That is too dishonest! But is there some kind of cover story you can think of, that can make it seem as if you were - sadly(!) - unable to wear the dress on the day?

This is all I can think of right now. Just saying, "Sorry, I tried it and it simply isn't me, I don't have the confidence to carry it off" should be ok for most people, but probably won't work on this Bride to be and her mother, I suspect.

Good luck

The beauty in wedding photos is the individuality. even Royal weddings. There might be a code for the men, maybe formal but ladies, apart from bridesmaids and flower girls/pageboys choose their own style. It's most important they feel comfortable and their best. Maybe the bride can ask for long skirts but style and shade is usually up to the individual mother of the bride/groom. Obviously none should choose white or cream if the bride is marrying in white or cream.

I agree with gmelon. It is the fact that you have been presented with it as a fait accompli rather than a suggestion of something that you could then all work on together (which would still be weird but could possibly have the excuse of wanting a bit of togetherness between the in-laws).
There is nothing kind or considerate or respectful about this. You can only rise above it by lightly saying that you have already sorted out your outfit and are looking forward to the day and hope that it is an aberration coming out a bit of wedding madness.
I agree with people who say don't send a picture. You will only get a critique in return.

This is awful, don't do it !

Absolutely not!

I've never heard of 'Matching Mothers' at a wedding! Here in the US at least, it's even considered a 'faux pas' when the Mothers show up wearing the same color or Heaven forbid, the same dress!

No need for a confrontation, but do let your DIL know (the sooner the better) and in no uncertain terms, that you already purchased your dress and you won't be returning it. It's been fitted to your size and figure, it's very flattering, you love it and that's the dress you will be wearing!

I'm surprised the brides mum is so enamoured of the idea.
Strange woman!

Stand firm. Say that you're independently-minded enough to choose your own dress and if she doesn't like it, well, that's a shame but you've already made up your mind. Don't let them see your choice beforehand unless the MOB decides to copy you. What a load of cobblers!

One word Bridezilla

This is an outrageously rude request. Forgive me for saying so, but I think the whole idea of a ‘colour scheme’ for a wedding and requesting guests wear cetain colours is very naff...on a par with matching toilet paper to the bathroom tiles!

You are an individual with your own body shape, colour preferences etc. Don’t feel guilty, keep your boundaries now as a marker for family situations going forward and respect yourself. Good luck.

I was not told what to wear by my future DIL or my son. There was no collaboration between me and future MIL either. I've just looked at the photos from the wedding and there were similarities between me and MIL as in flowers, colour of jackets but nothing that either of us even considered until you did this post. And nothing that either of us would have worried about. It was just the colours available for those kind of outfits at the time.