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Not to want to wear matching outfits?

(170 Posts)
grannywonder Thu 29-Mar-18 14:22:35

My youngest son is getting married later this year. I've really been looking forward to a lovely family 'do' as there's been some ill health in the family the past couple of years. I'd sorted out a lovely frock and was just looking for shoes when I got an email from the bride to be. She's sent me a link to a dress she'd like me (AND HER MOTHER) to wear? This is odd, yes? It's a hideous colour (on me anyway) and looks quite snug and I really don't have the figure to pull that off.
I really don't want to be all matchy matchy with the mother of the bride. How do I tell her - nicely of course - that this isn't for me? She's cced in her mum and they've been emailing back and forth raving over the 'wonderful' dress and how lovely we'll all going to look. It's her wedding, I know, but on top of it all my ex-husband will be there and I really don't want to look like a very dowdy sack of pastel. help!

Luckygirl Thu 29-Mar-18 14:38:28

Weird! A bit controlling and OTT!

Lynnebo Thu 29-Mar-18 14:41:40

How strange! Unless it has been agreed before hand just let her know that you would rather choose your own outfit.

kittylester Thu 29-Mar-18 14:43:55

Why not say that you have already bought yours and would her mother like to wear the same as you can send her a link. If she says yes then you have to panic!!

PamelaJ1 Thu 29-Mar-18 14:45:13

No way! Surely you are making this up 😱.
It’s not even acceptable to be wearing the same colour as the brides mother.

Bathsheba Thu 29-Mar-18 14:49:05

Sounds to me as if her mother has chosen this dress, one that suits her figure and colouring, and you’re just being expected to fit in with her. I’ve never in my life come across matching mum outfits confused, and it’s rather unfair of her to ask this of you in my opinion. You should talk to her about it, explains that the dress does you no favours and you therefore want to choose your own outfit for the wedding.

SpanielNanny Thu 29-Mar-18 14:49:23

I do know a couple of brides- not my dil thankfully!, that have requested certain guests, especially immediate family adhere to a specific colour code when choosing an outfit. I’m also aware of a wedding where the bride insisted immediate family & close friends (anybody who would be in a lot of the pictures) send her a photo of their outfit for approval! However having the actual dress chosen is a new one on me. How is your relationship with your dil, could you mention that while you’re so excited for her big day you just don’t feel comfortable in the dress she has selected?

SpanielNanny Thu 29-Mar-18 14:50:33

I just realised that the dress also matches her mother’s, I thought she had just chosen a dress for you! That is very strange!

MissAdventure Thu 29-Mar-18 14:58:46

Oh, I couldn't let anyone, even a bride, dictate to me. Clothes are such a personal thing.
Good luck!

FarNorth Thu 29-Mar-18 15:05:42

Join in the email chat to say that you know you won't actually look wonderful in that colour and style, and wouldn't want to spoil the wedding photos, so you'd prefer to choose your own dress.

gummybears Thu 29-Mar-18 15:07:00

No no no no.

The bride gets to pick her own dress, and if she is paying for them, the bridesmaid and flower girl dresses. Although if she is not an arse, she will let the bridesmaids have most of the say on fit and style etc.

The bride absolutely in no circumstances gets to pick what the mothers or other guests wear. (Subject to the qualification that if the mothers says they are wearing white, they should be told not to embarrass themselves by making such a godawful faux pas)

Bride needs to wind her neck right in. Politely praise the outfit and then explain you have one already, but you know her mother will look absolutely lively in the one she has chosen.

Boundaries. Adult relationships have them. Weddings run so much better when people have them and enforce them.

gummybears Thu 29-Mar-18 15:10:29

I am a veteran of many godawful weddings and a semi professional bridesmaid; these are my qualifications to opine as above grin

SpanielNanny Thu 29-Mar-18 15:14:10

Gummybears ‘semi professional bridesmaid’ made me laugh grin quite the trump card to add to your cv!

Teetime Thu 29-Mar-18 15:18:01

Just tell her you already have your outfit - what a Bridezilla!!!

ninathenana Thu 29-Mar-18 15:28:19

What an horiffic thought.
As SpanielNanny says requesting the colour of the mothers' outfits is not unheard of but asking them to wear the same dress shockshock
I would have thought that was something to be avoided at all costs.
There is no way DD's MiL and I could have found the same to fit each of us grin

Maggiemaybe Thu 29-Mar-18 15:46:40

One of my DDs had an Easter wedding and asked (I stress asked, not ordered!) me and the groom's mother to consider wearing Spring colours, rather than dark ones. We were both happy to do this and it did make for some lovely photos of the day. I can't imagine how weird the photos will look if you and the other mum are in identical outfits!! Just say no, grannywonder!

sodapop Thu 29-Mar-18 15:57:16

Bridezilla rules! I've never heard of this happening before and I would certainly be
pissed jarred off if I was being told what to wear.
As others have said, tell her you already have your outfit but her mother will look lovely in the chosen dress.
Good luck.

Deedaa Thu 29-Mar-18 16:03:52

That is,seriously weird. Makes you wonder what's in store once they are married. I would just say that I'd already bought an outfit. Who on earth wants a pair of matching mothers?

grannywonder Thu 29-Mar-18 16:14:21

Not just me then! I did wonder if maybe this was a new fad for weddings. The bride is quite stylish and fashionable so I've really started self-doubting that maybe she was worried I'd embarrass her by turning up in something frumpy or that the colours would clash with the rest of the bridal party. Perhaps you're right, I'll send her a photo of my dress and see if she thinks it will 'go' with her colour scheme. That way I'm giving her some control but there's no way I'm wearing the emailed dress. She's quite reasonable usually but I think the wedding nerves have got to her. To be honest, I wouldn't put it past her mother for coming up with the idea.

BlueBelle Thu 29-Mar-18 16:14:31

Very very weird and totally out of order Definitely tell her you ve already bought your outfit and no way feel bullied into wearing someone else’s choice
I could just about understand if the bride said I d love everyone in bright colours or pastels or spring colours although honestly it’s really none of her business if you turn up in sackcloth and ashes

BlueBelle Thu 29-Mar-18 16:18:53

Grannywonder please don’t email her your outfit picture because then she’ll just answer you to say no that’s not what I want at all and you’re back to square one with no leg to stand on. Tell her thanks for the email picture but you’ve already bought your outfit which you hope she ll like as much as you do
Good luck

MissAdventure Thu 29-Mar-18 16:32:54

I think if relatives start to allow this kind of idea, it'll soon take a hold and become part and parcel of 'wedding' rules.
Just say no! smile
(And let us know what the reaction is, please?)

eazybee Thu 29-Mar-18 16:44:37

How very odd.
Do you know the colour scheme, ie bridesmaids, flowers, decorations etc? If your outfit co ordinates with that, just say you have already chosen your outfit. If not, possibly consider choosing something to complement the colour scheme, and suits you. But not the same dress. No!

MawBroon Thu 29-Mar-18 16:53:52

Somebody is delusional/controlling/ barking.
Please delete any which do not apply.
This is a total no-no.

merlotgran Thu 29-Mar-18 17:05:28

I think I'd send the link to as many female guests as I could and get them ALL to wear the same dress.

I'm Spartacus! grin