Not to want to wear matching outfits?

I have never heard of anything so ridiculous. Nobody wants someone else wearing the same dress as them at a wedding. I remember my mother crying in the loo as someone had turned up in same suit as her at my brothers wedding.

Just email her and say that your outfit has already been bought. Do not send a picture.

My mother chose to wear a dress,coat and hat in exactly the same colour as my bridesmaids’ dresses - and yes, she did know what she’d done!

I'd be polite 8n responding (have your own outfit) for the sake of peace. Wedding prep can be stressful.
I'd be seriously concerned at the immaturity of the dil to be. Is she a kidult??

What is wrong with being an individual nowadays!!!

Everyone talks about diversity and equality and freedom of choice.

I can not believe someone would dictate to their future MIL what she she wear. Unbelieveable!!!!

NO NO NO!!

I can understand the bridesmaids being 'colour coordinated' but to ask the two mothers to dress the same is just weird. Surely the important thing is that both mums look glam. and comfortable in what they are wearing, and probably not clashing with each other, but let them be individual.

Daughter in law playing elaborate April fools joke??? Sadly it seems not.

You have been presented this idea as a fait acompli!

You weren't asked if you would consider identical outfits.
A damn good reason supplied by daughter in law for coming up with this idea would be needed. and you'd still say bugger off

Even if you'd then agreed to the preposterous idea of matching outfits consultation three ways would then take place.
You, your future daughter in law, and her mother would have hammered out a "deal" on twin dresses that met everyone's approval.

Your opinion isn't needed or respected by either woman. Be careful a bad light isnt cast on you purely because you want to dress yourself and aren't obeying some outlandish instruction.
I feel for you, uneccessary stress at a happy time.
Treat yourself to wonderful accessories, make up and hair at the salon and you go wow them all.

Whatever you do, despite my earlier post about what I did with my daughter, pleases, please, do please yourself. You need to feel comfortable, and your future DiL does sound extremely controlling. Don’t allow her to control you.

Sorry, read it again and they both think it's great.

No, it isn't, but don't overreact (yet), just say that you don't think it will suit you. With luck they'll realise and not want to put you out of your comfort zone.

Does the brides mother have insecurities that the groom's mother might just out shine herself.?
My suspicious mind thinks this could be the case.
Do your own thing, ignore, and wear what suits you.
Pastels are safe and no fear of clashing with those who may go OTT.

I'm going to my grand-daughter's wedding later this year.
I did discuss my outfit with her and she said I can wear whatever I like. So I've bought a dress and jacket already.
I did just ask if I need wear a hat and she said it was completely up to me. I can't decide really.
I had no idea that there were any rules about what parents or grandparents should wear. Just wear whatever you like, grannywonder. I hope you enjoy the wedding regardless. Weddings are lovely, aren't they.

Is she having bridesmaids as well and wants you and her mother to be part of the ensemble? I know a few strange ideas floated through my DiL's mind during the early stages of planning, but luckily she thought better of most of them without too much prompting.

Do you know what her mother thinks of the idea? She may be just as opposed as you are.

Why bother discussing it? I would just turn up in the outfit that suited me.

If the bride or her mother comments tell them politely that the dress suits her mother perfectly, but made you look a frump. You can dress that up as a compliment to her mother on her figure, if you like.

That should have referred to my DiL's mum as MOB! I was the MOG, of course.

Don't set out to antagonise your future DiL! Just say you have already bought your outfit and you'd be disappointed if you didn't get to wear it. Thank goodness there wasn't this faffing around about colour schemes for the top table, etc when DS got married. MOG wore a yellow outfit that would have looked hideous on me. I need stronger colours. It was pure coincidence that the young bridesmaids' dresses toned perfectly with the deep teal jacket I wore over a shirt-waist style dress.

ok , just tell her you would look fat in that dress and it would really make her wedding photos a laughing stock, best for you to wear something tasteful and save her blushes !!

Reply that you've already bought your dress/shoes/bag/hat and you're sure that her mum will look wonderful in the dress she chose for her, meanwhile, you are comfortable with YOUR choice of outfit. If she asks to approve it, simply giggle and say it will have to be a surprise, then make an excuse to get off the phone. I think she's got a cheek.

Haven't read the whole thread but in answer to the OP I would turn up dressed as I want and, if asked, say I never got any message. Or the dress was sold out in my size.

I was pretty outraged (on your behalf) when I first posted but am now incandescent!

I certainly wouldn't be sending her a photo of your planned outfit. Just make sure you look fab! I would even get a professional make up & an amazing hat. You know what suits you. This will sound bitchy (nothing new there then) but as your future DIL this is the perfect opportunity for you to set the boundaries! In reality the brides dress is what we remember. Definitely not the clashing styles of the guests.
Outrageous!!!!

Jalima I just love those outfits - just my shape - where can I get one??
Weddings should be the happiest of times, a celebration of what is best in human beings, namely love and faith in the future, and this trend of frighteningly expensive hen 'weeks' in exotic locations and instructions about what to wear...it's all a bit sad I think. It seems to miss the point, and should be a case of dressing up in your best, going to support the people you care about, and having some fun.

I have just remembered that when DD married her lovely man, her future MIL and I compared notes and found we had bought identical fascinator type hats from John Lewis!
Bless her, she took hers back as she said MOB took precedence and anyway I had bought mine first!
We are the best of friends.

Having been involved in 3 family weddings I have never been told what colour to wear. DiL showed me a pic of her mum's outfit after I asked and that was to avoid buying anything too similar!
At another, I asked about bridesmaid colours so that I wouldn't look like a spare one in the same colour!
I have never been aware of colour coding the wedding party!
Something you're happy in is the only criterion.
Bridezilla nonsense should not be encouraged as a sense of compromise and mutual respect needs to be established asap!

I am a suspicious cow, so my conspiracy theory is this; they got a dress that makes you look awful and at the last minute her mother's dress will have an accident, if ever bought, and she'll wear something lovely and out-shine you.

But I read a lot of posts here about grans who are at outs with dil and can;'t see grandchildren so do keep it very sweet when you say you have the dress already, and as advised, don't send a photo.

God bless my wonderful daughter, who told everyone to wear exactly what they wanted as long as they came to the wedding and had fun!

Altogether far too much “stage managing” of weddings these days it seems.
I remember when Dd was going to get married (fortunately that one did not go ahead) her fiancé wanted all the men to wear frock coats and matching cravats. DH absolutely refused, he would wear morning dress with a grey waistcoat and a TIE , not as he said “fancy dress”
He did agree that the tie could match but it was touch and go. My only thought has been to ensure I would not clash with any bridesmaids or the MOG but “matching” sounds like looking like a backing group like the Supremes!
MOB/MOG outfits are frequently non- returnable (as I found to my considerable cost) so a “white lie” now without too much explanation should suffice.
Stay firm - kind, but firm