Not to want to wear matching outfits?

Once again, Apricity is absolutely right. Respectful boundaries need to be established. If you give in on this one then it will be much harder to say no next time she asks you to do something totally unreasonable. And she will.

Very controlling I would just say that you have already got your eye on something. You want to enjoy the day and part of this is feeling happy with your outfit.

Tell her you aleady have something to wear. This obsession with weddings is getting out of hand people used to turn up and be happy, now there are all sorts of requirements omposed upon them. Resist.

My daughter suggested a dress she thought would be nice, and of course it was in the bridal party wedding colours. I liked the dress and we went together to look at it in shop. However, they didn’t have my size so I didn’t try it on. I liked the dress, no way would I have considered a dress I didn’t like, so I bought the matching jacket, which happened to be in the sale, and I ordered the dress online. My daughter only asked me to stick to the bridal party colours, she only suggested the dress because she thought it was in my type of style and I would like it. I did.
I think your future DiL is being somewhat controlling, but if you don’t want her to control her outfit, don’t let her. Tell her you’ve already got your dress. Hopefully you’ve stuck to bridal party colours, most brides prefer their top table guests to bear that in mind. My daughter’s MiL chose her own outfit, but she stuck to the colours. We were all happy to do so.

Apologies I thought it was MIL who told you what to wear. Don't upset your son's relationship with you. But same advice, just say you've got your dress.

These are your son's in-laws for better or worse, and maybe your grandchild's grandparents. Nice little note that says that you've already bought your dress. Smile. (And don't smirk in public!)

I too have never heard of this before, ever, and like the other posts, I find it absolutely bizarre that a bride feels that she has the right to dictate what you wear. In my world, I have always chatted with the other Mums, just to make sure our colours don’t clash ... even went shopping together. It’s so important that you feel good on that day so apologise to keep things friendly ?, then just be honest, that style/colour will do you no favours etc but .... do your own thing. Strutting your stuff in front of ex husbands is always of utmost importance !!

How very strange! Hopefully a Bridezilla moment and future DIL and her mama will 'allow' you to choose your own outfit!

I'm feeling rather outraged on your behalf.

I'm with BlueBelle on this. Don't give her any further ammunition!

Beyond odd!

I agree tell her you've already got it and can't exchange. I would also copy her mum in and say you would hate everyone to get the two of you mixed up because you are dressed the same! One of the ways of identifying people at weddings is by their outfits. e.g bride's mum is wearing the big green hat.

I’d reply to say that whilst the dress will look fab on the brides mother, it’s not the right colour/tone or cut that would flatter yourself, and that luckily, as you were so excited about the wedding you’ve found something suitable. Don’t send a pic in case they decide to copy it! But you could let them know your colours got the day? Best of luck ?

Just tell her you’ve already bought an outfit and can’t return it (can say it’s been altered to fit you perfectly) and that you’ll be wearing that. Say her mum will look lovely in that dress though and you’re looking forward to be big day.

What a bizarre requirement!!! Just Say No!!! lol

Never heard of such a thing, the guests will be in uproar thinking it was a big mistake that you both turned up in the same outfit. Quickly message back to say very sorry but you've already bought your outfit and that in any event although 'chosen' outfit will look lovely on brides mum no way would it suit your colouring or figure.

My son got married 3 years ago, and it was 'wear whatever you want' from my daughter in law. My other son is getting married next year and his partner has said the same. I asked if there was a colour she wanted me to wear (most brides have a colour theme), but thankfully again she has said for me to wear what I want. I will choose a colour that compliments the colour theme once I know what that is. My friend had a nightmare a couple of year's ago as her daughter designated silver as the colour for her to wear. Not a flattering colour for her, but she did it and looked very nice, but to wear the same outfit as the brides mother is something Ive never heard of. If you have a good relationship with your future daughter in law perhaps you could tell her how you feel, and that the dress shape doesnt compliment you?? x

What a bloody cheek she's got! You stick to what YOU want to wear. Never mind this young woman and her mother.

Don't send her a photo of your dress for her approval. Just wear what you like and what suits you. Reply to their request to say you have already bought your outfit. Full stop end of story.

I have seen lots of threads about Bridezillas on Mumsnet trying to dictate colour codes and they never go down well.
As the mother of the groom I took into account what the bridesmaids were wearing and also the brides mother, so that we didn't clash on photos, but I wouldn't let anyone choose my outfit - I know which styles and colours suit me.

Reading the numerous threads on GN about often heartrending problems with dils it would seem to be a very good time to establish adult respectful relationship boundaries. And that respect covers you choosing your own outfit for the wedding.

It's not a little girls party with the birthday girl telling her friends what to wear, it's a wedding and you are the mother of the groom. However you choose to convey that message to your future daughter in law, be as gracious as you can but be very clear and firm.

It's traditional in Nigerian culture for all the wedding guests, both male and female, to wear the same fabric, tailored as each guest wishes.

But I'm guessing that this is a traditional British wedding, in which case it's a Bridezilla taking over the world! As others say, send a polite thanks-but-no-thanks and make your own arrangements. If the bride is antsy about it, I'd play along with the idea but just do my own thing, turning up in the purple-with-yellow-spots outfit that I'd planned all along.

At my absolutely magnificent wedding my mother wore all white and my MIL all black.

(Full wedding mass, btw, full bells amd whistles pull out all the stops affair, it was in wedding magazines afterwards. Not a wedding where either mother could have made any sort of flimsy argument for turning up in white or black.)

The wedding pictures look like I signed the pair of them out of a locked ward for the day. Fortunately the photographer "didnt need" more than a couple of shots of either of them....

I didn't know weddings have colour schemes. Really?
Well, not really schemes (although some do) - just not wanting to clash with the MOB or bridesmaids - eg red and bright pink are not a good combination!

Wear your own choice, an outfit that gives you confidence. Don't want it to look like you and the other mother had a "dress off " and neither of you would back down on wearing the same choice.

I didn't know weddings have colour schemes. Really?

I'm behind the times and frankly glad of it.

Witnessing two people solemnly declare their commitment for life. Rejoicing in their happiness. Family and friends are invited for these reasons among others.

Colour schemes? Where do these self serving controlling rubbish odd ideas come from.

A suggestion for co-ordinating outfits: