This thread is 3 years old they re probably divorced by now why are people resurrecting it ???
Good Morning Friday 24th July 2026
Santander was the pits today !
Reducing contact because my heart just isn't in it.
Sign up to Gransnet Daily
Our free daily newsletter full of hot threads, competitions and discounts
Subscribe
My youngest son is getting married later this year. I've really been looking forward to a lovely family 'do' as there's been some ill health in the family the past couple of years. I'd sorted out a lovely frock and was just looking for shoes when I got an email from the bride to be. She's sent me a link to a dress she'd like me (AND HER MOTHER) to wear? This is odd, yes? It's a hideous colour (on me anyway) and looks quite snug and I really don't have the figure to pull that off.
I really don't want to be all matchy matchy with the mother of the bride. How do I tell her - nicely of course - that this isn't for me? She's cced in her mum and they've been emailing back and forth raving over the 'wonderful' dress and how lovely we'll all going to look. It's her wedding, I know, but on top of it all my ex-husband will be there and I really don't want to look like a very dowdy sack of pastel. help!
This thread is 3 years old they re probably divorced by now why are people resurrecting it ???
Zombie thread. Though it would be good to know how it all worked out.
Spidergran3
? just realised how old this thread is! I wonder how it all turned out...
Oh bugg*r, we've been had!!!
I wonder if the couple are still together?
Neither of the first two couples in my post above are together any more!
Yes, I've had one bride dictate to me what my then 4 year old son should wear (he wasn't a pageboy, just a guest) and went to another extremely co-ordinated wedding - at least co-ordinated on the bride's side, so twee.
DD just suggested that her MIL and I chose colours which didn't clash with the general colour theme of the wedding, fair enough.
DIL was just very easy-going.
Choose a style which suits you, perhaps in a colour which doesn't clash. I doubt her mother will want to be wearing the same dress as you, what an odd idea.
Tell her you've bought some new jeans especially for this occasion. Make sure that whatever colour you choose will clash horrendously with her 'chosen colours'.
? just realised how old this thread is! I wonder how it all turned out...
Absolutely not! Liaising over colours with the brides mother and bridesmaids is one thing, but this is outrageous. Can you imagine the awful silence as friends look at the photographs, not to mention what people will think on the day. This is so odd - what is she thinking of. Really hope you can get past this one without too much grief. Best wishes ?
nemzoff
Use this as an opportunity to begin a discussion. Find out why it’s so important to her that you wear the same dress . She might be flattering you , “ I now have two inportant women in my livesc” You can explain you’d like to share your complicated feelings. You understand it’s her wedding but it’s also a moment of awkwardness for you with your ex-husband and also the beginning of a lifelong relationship. You know you’ll have many disagreements in the future and this might be an interesting way to to find a way to come to compromise. Remember the wedding is one day but the relationship could last a lifetime and she might be picking a nursing home one day . It’s easy to feel self-righteous and nervous our anger but if we keep the long run in mind we can begin to make in-laws into family.
This thread is almost 3 years old !!!
Use this as an opportunity to begin a discussion. Find out why it’s so important to her that you wear the same dress . She might be flattering you , “ I now have two inportant women in my livesc” You can explain you’d like to share your complicated feelings. You understand it’s her wedding but it’s also a moment of awkwardness for you with your ex-husband and also the beginning of a lifelong relationship. You know you’ll have many disagreements in the future and this might be an interesting way to to find a way to come to compromise. Remember the wedding is one day but the relationship could last a lifetime and she might be picking a nursing home one day . It’s easy to feel self-righteous and nervous our anger but if we keep the long run in mind we can begin to make in-laws into family.
Primrose73
Sa the brides mother should look and feel special on her own, surely it is part of the fun for Mum andDaughter to choose Mum's outfit.
I know this is a zombie thread, but while I agree it would be fun for the bride to help choose her mother's outfit she has no say in her MIL's.
Maybe she is just being nice and thinks this will ‘include’. Just be honest and say you want to buy something special just for you, for your size and shape. Maybe don’t mention taste.
Sa the brides mother should look and feel special on her own, surely it is part of the fun for Mum andDaughter to choose Mum's outfit.
At first I thought your post was a joke, but continued reading and realised it isn’t, well I would let the bride to be know that I wasn’t going to be wearing the same dress as her mother, and that I had chosen mine and that is the one I will be wearing, ( I’d quite frankly be wondering if she’s starting dictating now how will she be after the rings on) I’ve never heard of this before it’s very bizarre
As this thread is 3 years old they’re probably divorced by now!
I’d just say nicely that you’re very sorry but you’ve sorted a very nice outfit out already, and sadly that one wouldn’t suit you at all.
All my clothes are out of fashion
Maybe they wore matching outfits for the christening of the first child....and possibly second...
The clothes have gone out of fashion 
This thread is almost 3 years old.
Chance would be a fine thing! You aren't likely to be going to
a wedding any time soon, are you?
If you really want to start off on the wrong foot with your daughter-in-law, just turn up in whatever you like, and say the matching outfit got lost with the rest of your luggage on the way.
gummybears
Who are these brides dictating ivory or off white for the mothers at formal weddings?? The bride must look like she's being stalked by bloody Miss Havisham
Thats what my mother did at my wedding gummybears
Although I didnt dictate or even suggest what she should wear. She just surprised me with a white skirt suit.
She went shopping with my SisterIL who also wore white with a white hat to boot!!
Its a pity grannywonder didnt come back to tell us how things panned out.
I think that’s a great idea merlotgran. My twin sister (size 14 and blonde) and I (size 8 and brunette) decided to try the same dress on, well we took one look at ourselves in the floor length mirror and said we would never ever do that again. It was a fun thing to do though.
Reported
Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.
Febmum==Bridezilla love it! ++
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join the discussion, watch threads and lots more.
Register now »Already registered? Log in with:
Gransnet »Get our top conversations, latest advice, fantastic competitions, and more, straight to your inbox. Sign up to our daily newsletter here.