To hope for help from husband?

My husband, when we were first married, used to leave his shirts with all the buttons done up and the sleeves rolled up. Eventually I said I wouldn't wash them like that. He soon learned when he had no clean shirts for work.

When my husband was alive we had a division of duties - I did the housework, decorating, most of the cooking and shopping and worked full time as well. We shared looking after our two children (he worked shifts and got more holiday leave than me so he did have to look after them as I couldn't always have leave when they were on holidays). He did the DIY stuff, repairs and maintenance to the house and car - he would cook sometimes but that involved using almost every pan and dish in the house and he would also go shopping but never stuck to the list so we would have to go again for what we actually needed! I had to check his pockets every time before washing anything as he was a champion grubber in skips - the most baffling thing he arrived home with was a pocket full of headless rusty nails he had picked up from somewhere - they went straight in the recycling bin! Most of the time it worked well even though he told visitors not to stand still too long else they'd end up in the washing machine (can't abide clothes lying around the place). I have much the same battles now with my daughter and grandchildren who take after their Dad/Grandfather especially in regards to the things in pockets bit!

You can teach an old dog new tricks. My OH didn't seem to know how to open the dishwasher door, and certainly didn't do any washing up, but since he retired and leaving mugs etc. around all the time he has been taught to at least put them in the machine!
However, he has always been good at putting his stuff in the laundry basket with empty pockets - just the rolled-up shirt sleeves to remember.
When he can master that, and clear up bread crumbs, he may be almost perfect!!!

Mine is an absolute non-starter with anything domestic. I accepted years ago that he wasn’t going to change, after many attempts in the early years just caused rows, and the only person left upset was me. No, it isn’t particularly fair or right IMO, but he is very good in lots of other ways, so on the occasions it still niggles a bit, I just remind myself of his goid points, and let it go.

I shrunk a couple of my OHs expensive woollen jumpers, accidentally of course, now he does hits own washing, result.

Apologies to all Gransnetters who have lost husbands or partners. I shouldn't moan about the small stuff, he's not a bad old stick.

I don't have a dish washer but only two of us so no problem. I've asked DH many times to put dishes in sink to soak before washing up later but he doesn't. Consequently, if I wash up, any debris has dried and they need a scrub, if he washes up there is dried debris on the plates and breakfast bowls and they need washing again!!! Scream!

My DS1 had to teach his wife to check the pockets before washing. She had been brought up by aunts and grannies and didn't have much idea about housework. To this day she has never ironed anything. If DS wants a shirt ironing, he does it himself.

I'm glad I brought them up like that. But changing DH's habits? Probably not. Old dog, new tricks and all that.

I groaned as I left home this morning and heard he had switched on the dishwasher. That means he'll be emptying it later, whilst I'm still at work and I shall come home to find half the contents draped around the kitchen and the rest in the wrong drawer!

How I wish I had a husband or partner who I could tidy up after.

Ukele with respect be glad you have him, for all his little ways that drive you mad. One day you will wish he was still here driving you mad. My husband was only 60 passed away suddenly just over 3 weeks ago. I wish he was still here driving me mad with all those little ways.

I always check pockets on everything before I wash anyway. I am not criticizing you. Just asking you to look at it from another angle. Life is too fragile to be sweating about the small stuff. It's not worth the energy. Oh yes that type of things drove me mad once. Now it isn't important

So annoying and isn’t it. Where did we go wrong..?

We have had several 'discussions' about leaving tissues, shirt collar stiffeners, screws and coins in clothing, not to mention the rolled up sleeves on shirts. However, after the machine had to be repaired when a collar stiffener got into the works, and several shirts were washed, dried and ironed after a fashion with the sleeves still rolled up, the message did seem to filter through. He does try - without one single domesticated bone in his body. I blame his mother for not making a better job of training, and myself for taking over where she left off and carrying on in the same vein. My DS is capable of doing everything.

Not only must I empty my pockets I must also undo my shirt buttons if I do not want torn button holes or shredded paper or holes in the pockets of my washed clothes!

We only use our dishwashing machine when we have visitors so I wash the previous day's dishes the old-fashioned way when I am making my darling wife's morning cup of tea.

She puts the drained crocks and gobblin' rods away while making our toast for breakfast.

Mine does empty his pockets but I still check.The dishwasher is another matter, I usually put it on and mostly empty it, but sometimes leave it open to be emptied I suggested we emptied it every other time,that was NOT popular, but it did sink in and occasionally he might empty it when it isnt "his turn" big deal! Training takes a long time at our age, so never give up.Good luck all GN ladies and gentlemen.

Google Michael McIntyre sketch “doing the bare minimum” and show him

He's hovering and dusting round me now and told me he's cleaned the small freezer and I shouldn't have put a packet of ham in it - shouldn't I?

Do you know, I was feeling grumpy about something similar the other day, and then it occured to me ... all the kind and helpful things he does for me, are these little issues really worth bothering about? My mother used to like to point out all his annoying little habits to me and it used to cause quite a bit of strife between us, well we moved further away to get a bit of space ... I see a lot less of her and we are still happily married , these little things only become big things if you let them. She recently said that she would like to come and live with us ..... well that's not happening neither of us need a nag in our lives!

DH is currently doing everything as I am hors de combat. He is making a good if at times funny job of his tasks. There is currently a lot of banging going on from the kitchen where he says he is giving it a good scrub!!! His cooking is a nightmare but without him doing all this I couldn't have had my operation so I am doing my best to be a good patient patient.

I've washed and tumble dried OH watch twice this year as he didn't take it out of his pocket. On both occasions it was my fault for not checking!

Tell him anything you find in his pockets is yours or simply stop checking. He won’t want to keep replacing lost cards

Long established practises are the hardest to change ! Remember that Women are from Venus and Men are from Mars ! We have all been trying to figure them out for years. Pick your battles tho, presume he has lots of good qualities as you are still with him !

No problem with my dishwasher as my husband does them by hand. I cook, he washes.

It's annoying having to check pockets but it has to be done. I expect mummy did that for him before he left home and now it's your turn!
I'm widowed and so I've only got my own pockets to check but no matter how careful I am from time to time I miss one of my own tissues. Grrh!

We are on a losing battle here.
But I am grateful that DH opens bottles and jars as my grip is poor, and that he fixes things, especially my computer.(thanks Rufus).

Well OH used to load the dishwasher , vacuum , hang up washing , he still offers. I have a new hip and can do most things now , just as well since he can't even feed himself. I have to pretend he has other things to do while I stagger about doing what I can ... life changes so quickly