Gransnet forums


To hope for help from husband?

(78 Posts)
Ukulele28 Tue 10-Apr-18 12:14:04

I'm fed up with having to check DH pockets before doing washing. Over the years I have found many items ranging from screw drivers, money to a full wallet. Today I forgot to check and now have to wash everything again, as there was tissue in one of his shirt pockets.
We've had a dishwasher for about 10yrs. DH usually leaves his dirty crockery/cutlery next to the sink, even though I ask him to put it in the dishwasher.
If I'm lucky he'll do that but literally throws everything in. I then have the job of reloading before washing.
I know these are little things but I find them annoying, AIBU.

humptydumpty Tue 10-Apr-18 12:15:09

Not at all, but good luck with any attempt to change him!

Pittcity Tue 10-Apr-18 12:20:41

We have established that a lot of Gransnetters are married to the same man!

Grandma70s Tue 10-Apr-18 13:00:53

You are doing everything for him! He’s not a child. If he doesn’t empty his pockets, don’t wash his clothes - better still, get him to do his own washing. If he leaves the dishes in the wrong place, ask him to come and sort them out, telling him how to do it if he still doesn’t know.

I believe in consequences. That's how I taught my teenage sons to be responsible for themselves. If they left their clothes on the bathroom floor and not in the washing basket, they soon found they had no clean clothes. If they left wet towels on the floor, they found they had no dry towels. If they didn’t get up in time for school, they got into trouble for being late. It was their responsibility, not mine. It worked. I think you need to treat your husband like that!

glammanana Tue 10-Apr-18 14:16:06

I taught both of my boys how to care for themselves Grandma70s but I must say I enjoyed making sure all their clothes and bedrooms where done my way I really missed looking after them when they eventually left home.
OH is very well trained in the household dept he is in charge of dishwasher so everything is stacked properly I do however just out of habit check all his pockets as I have on other ocassions washed some £10 notes which needed ironing when dried.

Anniebach Tue 10-Apr-18 14:21:16

Wish my husband was still with me to leave dirty dishes

Situpstraight Tue 10-Apr-18 14:22:26

I always check DHs clothes for tissues, but the last time one was left in the wash it was mine, oops, was halfway along the hall to tell him off when I noticed one piece of tissue had a small flower still visible.....

I also do the Dish Washer, maybe when DH retires he will do it, until then, as I have the time I am more than happy to do it, plus the housework, laundry and gardening.

Maybe I should start training him now do do these things, so that when he retires he can hit the ground running?

Rufus2 Tue 10-Apr-18 14:36:00

Hi Ukeleke 28
I'm a "newbie" here and just scouting around forums to find out what they're all about. wink
I've just been to one that seemed very political and then grin]wstumbled on this one when I took flight. shock

I don't know why, but your posting reminds me of a certain German singer/band leader I came across on YouTube (I'm hooked on his style. very soothing)
Named Max Raabe (q.v.)

He contends a woman needs a man for two reasons

(a) to open bottles of champagne.
(b) to fix things.

Perhaps you can console yourself thinking about that
next time you are cleaning up.wink

Good Luck

Just joking. Good luck with your training.

Rufus2 Tue 10-Apr-18 14:36:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rufus2 Tue 10-Apr-18 14:36:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rufus2 Tue 10-Apr-18 14:36:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rufus2 Tue 10-Apr-18 14:36:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rufus2 Tue 10-Apr-18 14:36:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Situpstraight Tue 10-Apr-18 14:42:05

Ok Rufus we get it...??

Rufus2 Tue 10-Apr-18 14:43:14

Sorry about that! They're right! I must be going senile after all. {blush]

Rufus2 Tue 10-Apr-18 14:52:27

Hell's Bells. What's going on? confused

I really must be going mad. How can achieve six postings without even trying? shock

paddyann Tue 10-Apr-18 15:16:58

my OH has always been like that,leaves dishes by the sink,clothes and towels on the floor ,doesn't bother me at all.His mother still complains about him throwing dirty socks down the stairs when he was a teenager 40 odd years ago though .Everyone has different attitudes .It takes a lot more than some stuff left out to get me annoyed.Just chill,life's too short ,you'll miss those pockets to empty one day .

humptydumpty Tue 10-Apr-18 15:39:01

Rufus, I think you only need to click on 'post message' once!

kathsue Tue 10-Apr-18 15:39:22

It's OK Rufus2, I did the same thing the first time I posted. Ignore where it says contrl-enter go down to where it says post message and click on that.

If I complained about my H not emptying pockets he'd say it was my job to do the washing etc. - he did the house maintenance and decorating. He ignored the fact that when he was decorating I was the one fetching and carrying, driving him to the builders' merchants and washing out paintbrushes etc.

annodomini Tue 10-Apr-18 15:57:44

My long-gone ex used to get out of scrubbing pans and dishes with bits stuck to them by saying he'd 'just leave them to soak', but who had to finish the job after they'd soaked overnight? So it's no wonder that after he departed, I went and bought a dishwasher.
I must admit, however, that tissues in the wash are entirely my own fault and guess who once managed to launder her phone, left in the back pocket of jeans.

Baggs Tue 10-Apr-18 16:06:06

After about ten years of leaving pens in his shirt pockets even when he put them in the laundry basket, MrBaggs did seem to leave off that habit after the nth shirt (where n is a large positive integer) came out of the wash ink stained and the gold nib on his pen got spun a little too hard ?

NanaandGrampy Tue 10-Apr-18 16:20:47

Gramdma70 I'm with you - actions have consequences.

Ukelele you're not his skivvy!!

I'm sorry but he wouldn't have lasted in this household.

Parsleywin Tue 10-Apr-18 16:24:22


You've just struck terror into my unsuspecting heart! Mathematics and I had a lengthy hate/hate relationship long ago, and when I read your unexpected reference to it I felt instantly clammy and queasy! I'm shocked at how suddenly and strongly I reacted. shock grin

jura2 Tue 10-Apr-18 16:29:08

Too late, too late. You can't wait until they are retired to train them properly ;) my mil was a pain in the neck - but she did train her boys to do their bit, I'll always be grateful. Still check pockets through...

Ukulele28 Tue 10-Apr-18 17:17:45

Thanks for your replies.*Rufus*haven't been doing this long myself and made the same mistake.
*Grandma 70s*I have considered this approach in the past (DM says it's what I should do) but have never been able to go through with it.
We've been married 36yrs so don't think there's much chance of him changing his ways! Just wanted to let off some steam earlier. Washing now done, dishwasher loaded and finished ? so until next time......