Broken

Stop providing for your family members at the expense of your own future.
You owe your family nothing.
It is up to the younger ones to fund themselves.
Presumably you've worked all your life.
So why deny yourself the retirement you deserve ?
And DO NOT EVER release equity in your home.

Not sure about other areas Chelsea Girl, it wasn't a LA property, but a Housing Association ,we filled in the application form, had a home visit, then an interview, at which we disclosed all the facts, and were offered a bungalow within two weeks, which was a shock to say the least as we were expecting a long wait, we hadn't even put our house up for sale, we did not wish to refuse the offer of the bungalow as my husband was in poor health, so until we sold our property we were paying the mortgage on that, plus the rent on the bungalow, which was crippling financially, and attempting to downsize, getting rid of all the junk we'd accumulated, and decorating etc at the bungalow, hard times but we got there eventually, then the whammy of my husband dying, so like I said, best laid plans!

Thank you for your advise Nonnie and in respect to your last post; Bad things happen to good people!

notover I think you have done well for your family and should be commended for doing so. I'm sorry it has left you without savings though. Please think and research carefully before taking on Equity release, they companies which do this are not charities and will have their shareholders in mind (and possibly commission) rather than you. I echo what someone said about checking if there is anything you can claim. Please also have a word with a financial adviser as it maybe that you could get a normal mortgage.

I agree that being responsible doesn't always pay off. I am currently feeling hurt that a person I know who takes and never gives, seems never to suffer. They don't trust anyone else to be honest, presumably because they would not be honest in the same situation, and are causing heartache to someone I love who has put himself last and others first. It does seem that being good and honest is not recognised and that nasty and spiteful (possibly even illegal) things are only wrong if the perpetrator gets found out!

Only just come back on gn so only read the first page so far. Yoga can you go and see someone at your lender rather than writing a formal letter? You might get some good advice if you find a sympathetic person and that advice might help you write an apporpriate letter.

My husband and I decided to give our girls a good education and pay for the weddings, but after that they were on their own. They have not let us down.
It is true however that both of us worked hard all our lives and DH died before he was able to retire.
I too do not understand where the Government finds all these wealthy pensioners. I do not know many.

equity release can sometimes be useful. However before going down that line check if there is any financial support you might be eligible for elsewhere.

Do be careful with equity release companies. My friend's neighbour went down that road, the company then sold out to another company and she was told that her house was being sold, she had one week to find somewhere to live.

Mademarion I didn't get any child maintenance from the children's father, we lived abroad in a big expensive house, deposit part paid by me. When it was sold, I had returned to live in UK and was told by him there had been no profit from the sale of the house! No maintenance from my second marriage either, but did get a half share in the profit from the sale of our house

It's interesting and a bit sad how many of us are in the same position. In fairness I should make it clear than none of my help had gone on big houses, designed clothes or anything of that ilk. The bulk has gone on seeing my grandson with a roof over his head. We have been to cab etc but sadly he is unable to get housing help and it is deemed acceptable for him to sofa surf which I cannot allow to happen in his vulnerable state. I live in the smallest one bed house you could imagine so downsizing is not an option. I'm pleased to hear some positive experiences of equity release, will continue to investigate and meanwhile get out and enjoy the sunshine, which at least is free.

Maidmarion I can't bare the thought of renting, being at the mercy of a landlord & high rents that can go up & up! So I'm aiming to down size and have a little money put in the bank to live on, still need to work though. Near the sea, where I live, you can get a quite big converted house flat from one of those old big Victorian houses, that have been 'cut' into two dwellings, so that's my aim.

Maidmarion I always remember my dad saying to me stop giving all your money to the children, when your old you'll have nothing! He also said, when I divorced and moved from a lovely big house by the river, into a smaller one in town [which I dislike, love to live by the sea or river] to move where I want to live for the rest of my life [by the sea] and buy a small place and let the kids share. But I bought a 4 bed so the C could have a bedroom each, as that's what they had always had. But my son was off to Uni just as the move took place, so was then home just 50% of the time for 2yrs, then just the odd week here and there and now haven't seen him for 5yrs [due to estD husband] When he went to Uni I sent him monthly monies, even though I was barely keeping my head above water myself! Wish I had heeded my Dad's words and now be living in a small place near the sea, without the dreaded move looming

Same as me then Austin I can never retire, although I do have a wonderful occupation, I haven't had a week off or holiday for 5yrs, couple of days off at Xmas and that's it, as I'm self employed, I don't get paid if I don't work, even if sick, so can't be ill or hurt myself. I find it hard to get round to doing all the jobs in the house & garden, as no help, anything heavy I just can't do it & can't afford to keep paying workman to come in and help. I do go on two working holidays per year though. But I'd love to have a week off to catch up on all the jobs or a week just walking & sitting by the sea

FranT - I am surprised you got a LA home having sold yours and having capital. I didn't think this was allowed?

Most of us started married life with hand me down furniture. There is some lovely furniture in charity and auctions. Not popular for today’s starter outs. We are the sandwich generation expected to look after our very elderly parents at the same time as looking after grandchildren.

We are expected to make top ups for our elders care. I think it will be only a matter of time that as well as the older person being means tested to pay for their care they will means test the next generation to pay for our care and so on.

I'm planning to go down the downsizing route when I retire. When I divorced I got a good deal as my ex (who had prevented a divorce when he first left us, using delaying tactics) got a job abroad and I used these circumstances to persuade him to give me the equity in the house as my settlement and not pay any maintenance. He eventually agreed to that as doing all that would have been required to sell the house would have been difficult while living abroad and I refused to do it all alone! My mum died around that time and my inheritance enabled me to pay off enough of the mortgage to make it just affordable and still keep enough in the bank for emergencies so I didn't have to move straight away. I dread the decluttering required to downsize, and handling the whole moving process alone, but it should be much more manageable once I don't have to cope with working as well. Looking back, if he'd agreed to the divorce when I originally wanted it, we'd have had to sell up and I'd have struggled to buy somewhere big enough for me and the kids in this area, so I got lucky really! He's now back in the UK having been made redundant again and is renting in a very expensive part of the country - and I have no sympathy! Also I live near a future crossrail station just outside London so the house has gone up in value more than most. If I move to a cheaper area I'll release more by downsizing but even here I'll be mortgage free and with enough in the bank to enjoy my retirement and hopefully help my kids too. I feel for all of you struggling as you do. If my ex hadn't had to move overseas to get a job it would have been a very different story so I'm very grateful. My DD still thinks he should have paid more but I'm happy with what I got and very grateful. Age 66 can't come soon enough - counting down with just over 2 years to go!

When my dad passed away and left me money we moved house. We spent it on that and the building work that needed to be done to make it our beautiful forever home. When we needed money to finish it we released some equity. My way of thinking is the house is worth more than it would have been and even with accruing interest there will always be more left than is owed - win win really, life's more comfortable and whilst it's nice to be able to leave the kids something we aren't living our lives just to do that - life is for living and the kids agree. Take good advice and don't be short of money when you can take equity from your house.

notoveryet You have every right to feel fed up. I went through so much the same. Can't elaborate, sorry.
Do take equity release, it is not like in the bad old days, there are safeguards now. You don't have to take the full amount that is available anyway.
They reckon it so that the lowest appreciation on the value of the house should cover the interest and usually only lend one third of the value. So you could imagine leaving two thirds of your house instead of all of it and probably more because the appreciation of the value of the house is estimated on the very low side. It's worth investigating. The people I enquired of were polite and decent and not at all pushy.

In case this hasn't been mentioned before, might be worth searching forum subjects on moneysavingexpert.com (started by Martin Lewis some years back), maybe start with equity release and see what advice there might be, such as, e.g., annuities. But really whatever you decide, here's wishing you some lovely times for yourself/vets at long last!

FranT ?

Our house and garden was becoming hard for us to manage, so we decided to sell up and apply for a housing association OAP bungalow, leaving the profit from our house to enjoy whilst we still could. This went swimmingly, and we'd moved in and done the necessary decorating to our taste, then my husband died suddenly just after his 69th birthday, so best laid plan etc! However, I'm so relieved that I am now in a home that I can manage, with some financial security behind me, but I just wish I still had my husband of 49 years to share it with.

Hm999 Very true I didn’t divorce but DH got too ill to work and we only had one salary it is harder for single salary households!
I can’t complain really as at least we managed to buy our own home and it’s now worth a fair bit? here in the SE and mortgage free. Down sizing will give me a tidy sum to play with which I intend to invest for when I eventually get to retire? this is more than many of the millenials will get to do!
However I too feel cross that I expected to retire at 60,but now it’s not til I get to 67 so years away ? and feel like they keep moving the goal posts?
Although I do enjoy my career, I hope they don’t raise the retirement age for my age group again! I would like to be able to spend some time enjoying myself post retirement in hopefully good health. I have several WASPI friends who are particularly cross and with more reason than I

We did equity release back in 2003 shortly after my younger daughter's death. We were given all kinds of gloom and doom, but it has worked well for us. We did it to pay off an interest-only mortgage thereby freeing up approx £250 a month in mortgage payments. We saw no point in going on paying a mortgage until we were 83. We've been able to use that money in all kinds of useful ways and no, we haven't been on any cruises. What worked well for us that the interest rate on the equity release mortgage was pegged to the BoE rate which has been historically very low for a very long time, so the total has not rolled-up at anything like the level we were warned of.

I hate this pitting of the generations against each other.
We didn't have it easy, for women to keep careers going (massive mortgage payments) we were paying huge amounts in non-tax deductible childcare. I didn't know anyone who went back to work after child 2, so I had large gap between mine so it was less unaffordable.
Sadly divorce has left many women struggling financially, both when children were little and in later years, after working lives marred by discrimination and unequal pay.
My heart breaks for my children's generation, ridiculous house prices, crazy job prospects, appalling pensions, student debt.
And my heart breaks for my sisters working until 66, when they'd hoped to retire at 60 after starting work at 16.
We live in mad times, and will only get through them by looking after each other, across the generations.

I too am afraid to use my own money in case the AC need it at some point. Many many of our generation are like this and i know several people who are bank of mum and dad!!!
I would have been to ashamed to ask my mum and dad for money when i was younger even though there were times when the kids were small that we were desperate. But we got through it somehow.I think now younger people are so use to having what they want,when they want, they panic when things get tough and cant work thorough it by themselves.Whose fault is it ? Is it ours or theirs??