Spending money

He queries any withdrawals I make from the account

That’s the bit I don’t like.
Do you query his withdrawals?
I think you should have as much “of your own” as he does if he is going to be proprietorial about the Joint account.
Either it is Joint or it isn’t.
Or else about a spreadsheet of household expenses and a pro rata contribution from each of you into a Household account?

We don’t have his'n'hers money.
We only have our money. It’s worked so far.

You should both be left with a similar amount after the bills are paid. If he is only paying part of his pension into a joint account where does the rest go?

Rosie,If your joint pensions are enough to pay all the bills, housekeeping , savings,holidays
, replacing appliances , repairs etc, Then surely you should be allowed to take X amount from your private pension for your own spends, hair dressers ,outings, clothing, presents for friends/grandchildren, Perhaps you need to sit down with DH and make a list and agree on the amount and that should be the end of it , You shouldn't have to account for your withdrawals after years of contributing to the household, Good luck ,

DH and I each have a separate accounts of our own. We spilt the household bills. I pay some and he pays others. It works out about even Steven.

If he’s paying his pension into a joint account then perhaps you should put one of yours into that account too. Do you not already have your own individual bank account? ?

If not then open one and have your other pension paid into that. Or that's my advice. Take it or leave it,