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Gender identification Etiquette

(37 Posts)
Bridgeit Mon 07-May-18 09:38:00

Should we be more relaxed about getting gender identifying titles wrong?
Listening to two transgender people on the news this morning in which one person was very relaxed & said they(they & them is a suggested alternative to he or she) dont take offensive if they are addressed by their non preferred title, the other believed we should all make a greater effort to make sure we all use the correct gender identifying titles ,of which there are quite a few. I think that perhaps it would be better to drop titles all together or at least be more lighthearted about it. Are titles really that crucial other than when needed on documents.? Do we really need to be so rigid about it, surely a friendly lighthearted approach would be more advantageous to everyone.

Bridgeit Wed 09-May-18 11:08:27

Body language & facial expression are part & parcel of our make up, all species were/are reliant on this to understand the sentiment of what we are expressing, this important part of communication has been lost by the advent of the communication tools we now use. Therefore open to misinterpretation

Elegran Wed 09-May-18 11:19:23

No, Bridgeit no offence at all, I was attempting to elaborate on the bit of your post "any opinion given that doesn’t fit any given trend or opinion will be jumped on instantly"^ as it often is by those who so involved in a cause that they see an attack where none exists.

Bridgeit Wed 09-May-18 16:00:08

Yes that was what I was trying to say.
Opinions can & should be held or delivered with out fear of being confused & interpreted as prejudice. But the goal posts seem to me to be changing. Also outside of the obvious, one persons opinion can come across as prejudice to some but not to another ,which I suppose is why these laws are in now in place .

Belgravian Sat 26-May-18 13:41:43

stella1949

When I was pregnant with my first child I had my first appointment to see the consultant and sat in the waiting room whilst names were called out.

There was a visibly pregnant girl with her parents and she was wearing school uniform. She looked 14/15.

The nurse who came out to call people in looked to be in her 60s and she was Irish. Not sure if the being Irish is relevant but I'm guessing she was religious?

Everyone she called out was "Mrs .....".

I was not married and therefore a Miss.

She called the pregnant teenage girl's name out but referred to her as Mrs! The girl looked puzzled but her parents shrugged and off the three went to her appointment.

I was called and referred to as Mrs. I politely corrected her and said I was a Miss only to be sternly told that everyone was referred to as Mrs! This seemed ridiculous as it had drawn more attention to the pregnant teenager.

This was 1995!

notanan2 Sat 26-May-18 13:49:37

babies and animals know what sex people are. People cannot identify away from that!

I had a dog who was afraid of men. She was afraid of my male friend who had long hair. She was afraid of men in unisex clothes. She was not afraid of women in trousers or women with short hair.

Newborn babies "root" more when cuddled by women, even if flat chested. Than they do men with "man boobs".

Im not going to pretend that biological sex doesnt matter.

I dont think its okay to call "deadnaming" or "outing" when people refer to things people did in the past under their old name/identity. I am wholely responsible for my action and history under my old maiden name!

I'll call you Jim, Jane, Sir Diddleboo or Thomas the Tank if thats what you prefer though.

Belgravian Sat 26-May-18 14:40:17

I'm quite interested at why this gender identity has now become a 'thing'.

In my youth it was straightforward so I m wondering were people in their own minds desperately wanting to identify as something or someone else but couldn't come out with it because no one else had?

Why now is there such a big focus on gender identity?

Forgive me if I'm wrong but it's like one person says something and all of a sudden loss of people are following suit?

goldengirl Sat 26-May-18 16:35:10

It's possibly because for one reason or another Belgravian the amount of abuse they may be receiving is increasing. There is an increase in awareness of some people being transgender and not knowing how to address a transgender person brings up all sorts issues and for some people the easiest way to get over such embarrassment is to be unpleasant which of course is not right. It's only recently that I've come into contact with quite a few transgender people and I found it better to be straightforward and ask how they wish to be addressed. That said there have been some occasions when I've not known that the person I've been talking to is transgender. This raises the question does it really matter? We are all human - none of us is exactly the same [unless we're identical twins] - and we should be accepting of who we are or choose to be. Gay people had a similar problem. Live and let live is still an important maxim in my view

notanan2 Sat 26-May-18 17:11:11

This raises the question does it really matter?

It matters because if being female is re-defined as "feeling girly" it sets womens rights back decades!

Bridgeit Sat 26-May-18 20:09:45

I think if we become too rigid & afraid for fear of being offensive,we are in danger of become more divided .surely the aim is to be inclusive. IF a person deliberately refuses or insults another by addressing them incorrectly on purpose or to offend , they should face the consequences ,but we need to be very careful that we don’t loose our freedom of speech for fear of being offensive when none was intended.Imo there is nothing more simple than a sincere apology if an unintentional,potential insult has been perceived.

SparklyGrandma Sat 23-Jun-18 02:02:41

In my area some are moaning that health literature promoting smears now say

People of person with a cervix.

In my day all women at ante, post natal and in hospital in labour or for a week afterwards were referred to as ‘’Mrs’’.

Now when I need to ring Adult Social Services they call me ‘’ Mrs’’. I haven’t been one for quite a while.

jenpax Sat 23-Jun-18 05:26:37

This whole subject is a minefield of potentially getting it wrong!
I now especially get worried about wrongly addressing someone over the phone and tend not to use the Mr/Miss/Mrs or Madam/Sir forms of address, even though when addressing clients it has historically been the polite etiquette to do so! I now ask to speak to Jane Jones or whatever. The problem here is that some people object to being addressed by their names in this informal way and would prefer to be addressed by Mrs/Mr etc! I have to make a lot of calls to clients in my job and this is now a further level of anxiety especially if I have not yet met them and have no other indicator of the situation?