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AIBU

Marrying a long term partner

(63 Posts)
TooTiredToDance Sun 13-May-18 08:11:17

We have been together for about 15 years and have a Son together. We are not married and have never felt a need to marry. We are committed to each other and plan to stay together for the rest of our lives. However, my friend told me something the other day which has really unsettled me. She said that in the event of my Partner dying before me, I am not recognized in law, and cannot register his death, or make decisions on life support. I would not be able to apply for bereavement help towards his funeral or apply for Widows pension. I wondered if any else had an experience on this and what happened to them?

Lisalou Sat 19-May-18 07:19:25

Just did a bit of reading, the only difference I can see, is that in a divorce, one of the spouses can use adultery as a reason for said divorce, whereas in a civil partnership, adultery is not contemplated; from what I can see, this is, because adultery is defined as "sleeping with another person of opposite sex" - unlikely in a civil partnership as they are only available for homosexuals.

Cinnamon1 Sat 19-May-18 01:48:30

More than 2,000 bereaved families are thought to miss out on financial support each year because the parents were not married. The Childhood Bereavement Network, which supports bereaved children and their families, calculated the figure from government data on population trends. It also predicts that this number will rise as more young couples with children opt to cohabit rather than marry. Rules restrict bereavement payments and other allowances for widowed parents to those who were married or in a civil partnership

GillT57 Wed 16-May-18 17:21:30

I don't understand why some heterosexual couples wish to have a civil partnership; as far as I can see, there is little difference between a civil partnership and a registry office wedding. No religion, just a legal contract. At the risk of sounding a bit intolerant, I do think some people make an unnecessary fuss and see difficulties when there are not any there. A registrar will make everything legal, will be far cheaper than masses of legal papers drawn up by a solicitor, it's a no brainer really.

varian Wed 16-May-18 16:09:24

I honestly don't understand the difference between a civil partnership and a civil wedding. What is it that this heterosexual couple want? (publicity?)

I cannot see why we need civil partnerships at all since we now have same-sex marriage. I wonder how many same-sex couples have opted for civil partnerships since they had the choice.

Why not just change the law so that everyone who had a civil partnership before the equal marriage laws is considered married and given exactly the same rights as a married couple, then abolish civil partnerships.

OldMeg Wed 16-May-18 10:16:08

This is nothing new, so I’m surprised people don’t seem aware of it. Perhaps more publicity? And good luck t9 the heterosexual couple currently challenging the ‘no Civil Partnership’ Law.

Bagatelle Wed 16-May-18 00:03:28

susieq3 You should be OK if you are 'joint tenants' and not 'tenants in common'.

susieq3 Tue 15-May-18 21:15:43

Are you saying GabriellaG that even though my partner and I have made wills and my name is on the deeds of the house his family can override this.

LiveandLearn Tue 15-May-18 12:59:51

Sadly, heterosexual couples do not have the same rights as gay couples and cannot enter into a civil partnership. Read this BBC new article from just yesterday www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-44106272
I would suggest you, sooner rather than later, organise a civil wedding ceremony with just a couple of witnesses if you don't want the whole shebang.

Bagatelle Tue 15-May-18 10:28:39

You need to be married for pension rights etc..

www.relationshipexpert.co.uk/the-myths-of-common-law-marriage.html

But do check anything that you find in the internet very carefully because everyone's situation is different and not all of the advice is accurate and up-to-date.

Bagatelle Tue 15-May-18 09:18:09

You need to register Lasting Power of Attorney x 2 for each of you. One covers health and welfare, the other finance and property. You can do it yourself online (there is step-by-step help and advice) or you can pay a solicitor a few hundred £s to give you the same help and advice and type in the answers.

www.gov.uk/power-of-attorney

And you might as well get married too. You can pop along to the registry office and get it done for (I think) £50 as long as you don't want anything fancy.

annep Tue 15-May-18 07:13:14

Get married!

Lisalou Tue 15-May-18 06:55:09

Mmmm, slightly off topic, but you have got me thinking. Both my husband and I are British, but have been living abroad for many, many years. We got married here in Spain, but I don't think we registered the wedding in Britain. I wonder if we need to do anything like that, or our Spanish papers will be binding, if something happened to him, would I be entitled to a widow's pension from the UK? I have no idea...food for thought. Best call the consulate, methinks

NanaNancy Tue 15-May-18 06:41:36

Having firmly decided not to marry again my current husband had to ask me three times but it was not until all the legalities became apparent that I said yes.
It is only a piece of paper and will pave the way for your future but only part way.
You must, as provided in the messages herein take steps to make join wills, appoint power of attorney, living wills etc.
It is critical that you have the ability to make choices for his life care, and him yours. IF nothing else this forces you to discuss your last wishes. For example: you may want to be sure he has the power to "pull the plug" if you have had a massive stroke otherwise things can become very messy within families and there will be unforgiving fights.

Alas, society with all its changes has failed to protect us without a piece of paper. OR that should be without several pieces of paper.

Cinnamon1 Mon 14-May-18 23:00:38

I think no-one has mentioned inheritance tax. There is a "spouse exemption" only available to people who are married or in a civil partnership. Without that, even if the survivor is named in the Will, there may be inheritance tax to pay on the estate of the deceased partner. Example; A and B are not married. A owns the house worth £600,000 and leaves it to B in his Will. B inherits but has to pay the staggering amount of £110,000 inheritance tax. So when someone says "We have never felt the need to marry" did they factor in the inheritance tax bill?

MamaCaz Mon 14-May-18 22:49:05

Before my dad's death last September, my mum's state pension was only about £70. She now gets three times as much. As far as I can tell, this is because the serps part of Dad's state pension is now paid to Mum.

Daisyboots Mon 14-May-18 21:30:34

annsixty As far as I am aware you can longer get state pension rights from your late husband. I think the rule changed from 6th April 2016. My brother died on the 12th June that year and his widow has no pension rights from his contributions. Had he died before the 6th April she would have been okay

Iam64 Mon 14-May-18 19:59:25

annsixty - I'm just catching up with this discussion. I understand you're critical comment. I do know one young couple who lived together for ten years, had a child half way through that relationship. The female's name wasn't on the mortgage, nor on any household bills. She gave up work when their child was born as the male partner was easily able to support them all. Five years later, he ended the relationship. As the house was in his name, she agreed to move out. Big mistake. She's ended up with £75 a week support for her child and nothing else. So he took the line you suggested in wanting the benefits.

ExaltedWombat Mon 14-May-18 16:43:07

It's simple really. If you want the benefits, sign the contract. A civil marriage ceremony is identical to a civil partnership one, bar a couple of different words. YOU define what marriage means, beyond the legalities.

yggdrasil Mon 14-May-18 16:36:25

I agree with the others. Get married, it is a legal bit of paper that solves a lot of hassle. You say you have property together, and a son too. That bit of paper will protect him too.
You don't have to tell anyone you got married if you don't want to, just file the certificate :-)

fluttERBY123 Mon 14-May-18 15:59:06

Midgey - I am surprised the divorced woman inherited from divorced husband - was it maybe the daughter who inherited? I ask as worried my single divorced son would be in the same position - I am sure he doesn't want his ex to get anything.

luluaugust Mon 14-May-18 15:37:53

You say you are committed and intend to stay together for the rest of your lives, for your own future peace of mind I think you will be best off to conform and get that piece of paper - so much cheaper, quicker and easier than all the other options. As others have said you can pop to the Registry Office with no fuss at all if thats what suits you.

grandtanteJE65 Mon 14-May-18 15:29:02

As far as I know there is no European country that grants a partner the same rights as a spouse, so wherever you live it is a good idea to get married. In some countries only spouses or blood relations are allowed to make decisions on behalf of a seriously ill or injured person, so even if you are only abroad for a holiday, not being married could have serious consequences.

Here a partner cannot decide whether life-support should be continued or not, make funeral arrangements or inherit the deceased partner's assets or personal belongings - the nearest blood relation has all of these rights, and it is much the same I believe in any country.

Legally if you are not married to the person you are living with you are his mistress and he is your lover, or if you are of the same sex a lesbian or gay lover.

You can get a lawyer to draw up various documents, but they do not cover pensions or life insurance, unless you are named as the beneficiary, and you need a cartload of documents and the lawyer's bill will far exceed the cost of a marriage licence.

Hm999 Mon 14-May-18 15:10:26

See Citizens Advice

annsixty Mon 14-May-18 13:33:18

I think that a widow of pensionable age ,who has no pension of her own gets a proportion of her H*s OAP based on his contributions.
This is what I have been told so don't know definitely.

sarahellenwhitney Mon 14-May-18 13:33:10

TootiredtodanceMy own feelings when two persons live together and are emotionally involved is why do they not want to marry although content to live together for maybe ten or more years. A couple of years to save for the wedding of their dreams I can understand. Don't know about the 'honeymoon.' What won't you have already discovered warts and all about the person you have had experience of for the past couple of years.?
Is marriage seen as 'ours 'and restrictive which would not suit those who value independence.? Having observed two of my older colleagues who, having believed that lack of this piece of paper meant no strings, come down to earth with a bump. Not all marriages are made in heaven but that could happen in any relationship. What I do know is that 'marriage' has now kept the wolf from my door.