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(82 Posts)
Oldwoman70 Sun 20-May-18 12:27:26

I rang my sister in law this morning to ask about a relative who had been unwell. Whilst speaking she asked if I had spent any money recently (a question she asks every time we speak). I told her I had bought some new bedside lamps. She asked how much they cost and did I really need them!!

This isn't the first time she has made this comment when I have bought something. I could understand if I was the type to throw money around but I always think long and hard before I buy anything and do a lot of investigating to ensure I am getting value for money. She is making me feel as if I should check with her before I spend anything!

I don't want to make a big thing of this as we generally get on very well, but I do feel uncomfortable with her questioning whatever I spend my money on.

EmilyHarburn Thu 24-May-18 11:50:38

Do not continue this line of chat. Put a stop to it. She is trying to get control of you so that your think in your head about her and what comment she might make every time you shop.

give one of the answers that others in this thread have suggested such as

no what about you? or Just the usual nothing of special interest, what about you?

Fennel Thu 24-May-18 11:19:44

I was brought up to think it was bad manners to ask anyone anything to do with money eg cost of something, how much they earn, how much they owe etc. It's private.
Maybe in those days so many people were poor it was wrong to embarrass them.
I admit I do sometimes ask now, especially if it's something I'm also thinking of buying or selling .
But your sister in law sounds a bit over the top, Oldwoman. She's obsessed.

moggie57 Thu 24-May-18 10:56:51

ask her the same thing!! has she been out for any meals at restaurants or has she bought anything new. sounds like bullying to she older than you?

Margs Wed 23-May-18 14:38:40

Give her something to chew over next time she interrogates about what You do with Your money - just flippantly say "oh well, since the timely win on the Health Lotto it's a relief that money's no object for the foreseeable future......" Then hang up pronto!


(There's a devil in all of us......)

mcem Wed 23-May-18 13:14:47

How about " I knew you'd ask so I have my receipts here by the phone. Do you want me to read all of them or just the edited highlights? "
With luck, that should induce some embarrassment!

Chocolatenoodle8 Wed 23-May-18 12:32:16

Sister in Law
My Mother used to do the same to me! My mother would say, “Oh, you’ve got new shoes!! How much were they?” and I’d go into a detailed explanation why I needed them and they were in a sale. Then one day I decided my money was earned by me and what I spent it on was up to me. So I learned to smile and say, “Yes, they are new. I love them!”
Take no notice of your SiL and answer her question with “nothing”. Try asking her the same Q‼️

Josann65 Tue 22-May-18 21:42:05

Funnily enough I have a sister-in-law who used to do this too. When she would say " Oh that's a new top, where did you get that, what did it cost?" I would reply " If I told you I would have to shoot you" (as a smart joke of course). She stopped asking after that. We get on like a house on fire.

autumnsun Tue 22-May-18 20:44:28

oh god ALL of the above (older sister ALL of eighteen months ) blighted my life for soo many reasons 60 now maybe might get a grip soon how pathetic of me

Immiesnana Tue 22-May-18 20:01:44

Maybe it's a sister in law thing. Mine will say every time, within half an hour of meeting up " it's alright for you, you've got a work pension". She forgets that I paid into it for all my working life and she never bothered to pay in for own pension. I just ignore it now but would love to say something witty to her.

dizzygran Tue 22-May-18 19:48:56

I can't think of anyone asking if I had spent any money recently, but a number of people ask how much I have spent on things - none of their business!!! If she asks again I would as someone else mentioned and say no - nothing you are being PC and using what you have / recycling.... What a cheek...

Jannicans Tue 22-May-18 19:03:10

You could tell her you purchased groceries if that's alright with her and then tell her to mind her business it's nothing to do with her what you buy unless she is paying for it.

Gaggi3 Tue 22-May-18 18:17:46

Not a bad question to start with, quite gossipy and fun. My lovely Mil liked to hear about clothes etc we had got recently. However, when it’s followed by an intrusive cost enquiry, it’s just rude.

GillT57 Tue 22-May-18 16:51:28

ah but Teddy123 your daughter is watching you frittering away her inheritance on geegaws............

Teddy123 Tue 22-May-18 16:30:12

Just plain rude, odd & unnecessary! My daughter now does the same thing with me. In fact there's no no way it would go shopping with her. It was always a "do you need it" when I held up something I fancied for inspection and that somehow vastly reduced the pleasure of shopping for stuff you like as opposed to need.

Anyway, in the end I think I told her to mind her own business! It still baffles me as to why she cared what I spent since it came out of my purse, not hers. Blimey if she had any knowledge of my stash, she'd have a fit ....

SparklyGrandma Tue 22-May-18 16:26:17

Don’t accept the premise of the question (about what you have bought) but be ready with a complete change of subject next time she rings. I.e. ;

SiL ; What have you bought this week?

You; Ooh, I meant to ask last time, how is so and so after their operation/ holiday/wedding/house move/ birthday party?

Do it every time she rings and asks. Sidestepping means you don’t have to answer back and risk offending.


Yellowmellow Tue 22-May-18 16:13:49

Alima is right.....Cheeky mare! Tell her you will spend your money on what you like....or question her in the same way...and see if she likes it!

soozieee Tue 22-May-18 16:12:37

When she asks just say 'no, have you?' Then ask her the same questions she usually asks you. She may start to realise how offensive it is

GabriellaG Tue 22-May-18 16:09:31

Lol...what a cheeky so and so.
It's an odd thing to ask.

Coconut Tue 22-May-18 15:12:33

Like others .... My instant response would be to ask why she needs to know

123kitty Tue 22-May-18 14:59:36

Quick check to confirm that both my sister's had read this post- they had. We all ask each other what's new, how much? Always have and I expect we always will. No offence ever taken. Maybe that's the difference between sisters and SiLs.

Greciangirl Tue 22-May-18 14:52:41

Nothing worth mentioning, seems a good retort to me.

grandtanteJE65 Tue 22-May-18 14:43:27

Is this a new thing, or has your sister-in-law always done this?

I would have told mine to go chase herself years ago, if she had asked questions like this, which neither my SILs have ever done. I had quite enough of it from my mother, who I felt obliged to answer.

Summerstorm Tue 22-May-18 14:10:59

My mum had the perfect answer to questions from as she put it nosey people “ if it was any of your business I’d tell “ and obviously it isn’t any of her business

codfather Tue 22-May-18 13:39:51

Can't see the problem! If you don't want people to know, don't tell them! Simples! You can always answer with "No! Cant afford it!" wink

HotTamales Tue 22-May-18 12:37:01

I have a close relative like this OP, she came from terrible childhood poverty but is very wealthy now. However, she is always talking about money and how much x,y or z person has got. She isn’t tight with money herself but clearly that fear of being poor again will never leave her.

This is about your SiL and her own insecurities, I’d either just say you haven’t bought anything or answer the question by asking what she’s bought. Maybe she just wants to show off!