AIBU to expect a gift?

Jaxie well said. It really is the thought for some people. We cannot read another's heart - lovely phrase. We don't want to be nasty. Some of the comments on other sites are unbelievably rude. We don't want to go down that road.

Yes, LyndaW, it's the recognition that you are still special to him in any sort of card and present on your birthday....so do tell him his behaviour hurt. And like others say, treat yourself to what you would have liked.
My DH wrote beautiful cards and gave lovely presents for about 20 years of our 27 together, but then dementia appeared. The little losses mount up, and even treating yourself doesn't fill the gulf, but I see my care as pay-back time for all the wonderful love he gave me.

To Absent: yes, a gift should be freely given, but what about this comment from my husband: " You buy your friends". That from a man who has none. I don't " buy my friends" I give to them because they show they care for me, whatever my faults, and it gives me tremendous pleasure to give them little rewards for being in the sisterhood. I am being very convicted recently for MY propensity to judge people. We cannot read another's heart so must be careful in our assessments of other people's relationships. No more nasty comments Gransnetters. If a girl feels neglected or sad because her nearest and dearest aren't being kind she's entitled to express it.

I don't think anyone has a right to a gift. A gift is freely given, not enforced; otherwise it wouldn't be a gift.

minxie I love your half birthday idea.lol. We all have different ideas but I do feel hurt when my son doesnt buy me a present. It doesn't have to be expensive at all. But the thought matters to me. If your children know it matters to you they should make the effort , I feel.

We still buy card and presents. We usually buy a few presents each and wrap them and put in a large gift bag beside all the presents from other people. They're not necessarily expensive as at 65+ we are fortunate enough to have all we need. But its such fun opening them on the birthday morning. I love doing it. Its like Christmas. maybe we're just childish.

I don't think I have ever EXPECTED a present from anybody since I was a child. I do deeply appreciate those that I receive and don't actually register if someone hasn't given me one.

Our 41st wedding anniversary was last week and TBH, we were so busy that it slipped my mind. DW suggested that we didn't worry about cards etc. but I picked one up while I was shopping later. (How else do you think I've managed to be married 41 years?) I do manage to get her appropriate presents but she has lagged a bit. However, she did buy me a 6 burner bbq plus side burner so we get by! But life's about every day, not just the anniversaries!

Old Meg, I have done this ( taken myself off for a little spend up) for years but the old man doesn't seem to notice OR is too cowardly to ask why, in case it provokes an argument. When all passion is spent...

No, URNBU but you do get to a point when you give up.
Sometimes DH remembers a card but not often and always asks in advance what I would like and that is when it becomes my responsibilty to source and buy it but I rarely do so as I don't get out often and need help when I do. DD is a big help with this but I don't often see her as we don't live nearby so it doesn't often happen. I have concluded that this is just the way some men are and I don't take it personally because there is no point in getting myself upset. I actually cannot remember when I last had a present from DH! Part of my problem is that my birthday is at the back end of the year so it is difficult to organise anything with the family whereas he is summer born and the family always make big efforts for his special birthdays. I have a special birthday this year so I think I am going to be like the Queen and will have an official birthday, picking a date when everyone can come! I wonder if it will happen!
He is a lovely man and we love each other very much but this is his blank spot and I can't see it changing. I love the garden and am easily pleased with a garden gift or even a gift voucher so it could be very easy. It is well known that I am more likely to get a bunch of carrots than a bunch of flowers! Our children are not like him at all! I am so glad that our DS always makes big romantic gestures for DDIL and she knows that she is a very blessed lady!

This has been interesting because I had not acknowledged or realised much of the above and it makes me sad - so now I think I must organise what I want with our children.

P.S. I do like carrots!

Birthdays are a big deal in our house. You should embrace each one as if it’s your last. It’s the one time per year you can spoil each other. I took a whole month to celebrate my 50th. I even had a 49th and a half to soften to big one. Great fun. Life is to short to not celebrate these things. So no your not wrong to be upset.

I would definitely say that you felt hurt, and why, you have to keep the lies of communication open, men can be very obtuse if you don't spell it out!

I guess I am very lucky, I am asked for birthday and Christmas lists, and he picks something from there, so it is still a surprise, but something I wanted or needed! Get the odd bunch of flowers at other times if we happen to be passing a market stall...

Do you all still get cards from adult children? I get desperately hurt if one of them forgets, but wouldn't have the courage to mention it!

Obviously you were expecting a gift, so it is not unreasonable to be disappointed that your husband could not be bothered to get one, unless agreed in advance. Having said that, I would buy something for yourself that you would like and make sure he gets the message for the next occasion.

What other people do is the way they do it and not necessarily yours

What I don't understand why you didn't tell him there and then what you felt. Made a joke of it and say you were expecting a double treat.

Today was my birthday - I do not need or expect a present from my DH = I did get a card and was taken out for breakfast - however out of my 6 children 2 forgot, 2 I haven't heard from yet, 2 have had cards and flowers - I know they love me I don't need cards and presents am blessed by having them in my life
DH and I spent the day looking for a new telly!

I've just had a birthday - I did get a card and a promise of 'will get you something later' - which I probably won't. I used to sulk but I don't anymore it just makes me feel down. I would like more romance and more effort but it seems most men aren't good at it. Ever now and then I do remind him that it's essential to make an effort for your other half - maybe do the same, it's easy to take each other for granted, we all need to feel special sometimes. And treat yourself to something nice - I'm going to?

I would just be straight with him and say that you are upset. He probably doesn't realise, so unless you tell him he won't know.

We all get to a stage in life where we find it hard to buy for someone. My DH always asks what I want, although he knows I'm always happy with flowers - garage bought or otherwise.

Stella1949. Not a very nice comment! The difference being, you did not expect a gift as this is how you and your OH deal with birthdays! Your choice! Possibly LyndaW and her OH might agree to proceed similarly in future, or not, however it had not been discussed, and was an unpleasant surprise. I do not think she was ‘childish’ or unreasonable and I would be very upset in her position. I put a lot of thought into gifts I buy, (not necessarily meaning a lot of money though) and whilst my OH can be a little hit and miss I do know that his gifts are bought with love and thought which is what we all want in the end isn’t it?

Times change though, don’t they? My husband is an invalid now so can’t buy me cards and presents - it really upsets him. So on anniversaries, Valentine’s Day etc I buy a card “for Us” and on my recent birthday I bought myself flowers, telling him: “Look, how lovely the flowers you bought me!” It’s the thought - and the love - that counts...

We always celebrate birthdays and anniversaries.Our 2 AD and GS always try to visit and sometimes join us for dinner at home or going out.Life should be celebrated because sometimes it can change unexpectedly beacause of illness which has happened recently in our case.Tell you DH how you feel and that it matters to you.Good luck.

I'd have been upset too. Mind you My DH has made some real blunders in the past. I still remember the vacuum cleaner! I had a perfectly good one anyway.
I don't think he will be that daft again.
I do also have a garden full of bird tables of various sizes & designs as he went through a stage of buying those if he couldn't think of anything I'd like. I pointed out how much it costs to fill them all every day so that knocked that one on the head!
It's my birthday in a couple of weeks so I'm waiting to see what it will be this year. He really does well most of the time.

Well he came home this morning after a week working away and he had remembered it was our anniversary! Got flowers and a card and as we are going on holiday in a couple of weeks he put an IOU for a present in the card to be spent while we are away!

It was a mutual decision when first married that we would put our money into our home. If we went out for a meal on our birthdays DH would always use our joint account. He always said it was difficult buying me a present as he was never sure unless he asked what I wanted which takes the surprise out of a present.
We did have our own accounts but it was never me Tarzan you Jane and we did buy each other gifts regardless of birthdays, Xmas or any other occasion as my job once the children were out of primary school involved travelling and if I saw something I knew he would like I bought it for him.

You are definitely not being unreasonable. It was my birthday yesterday and I had asked DH to get me tickets for a show which is on locally in OCTOBER. I had to buy them and sort it out myself. Yesterday morning there was no card and when I mentioned it he said 'I forgot'. Not surprising really as on my 60th there was nothing and he couldn't understand why I spent the day in tears.

I came to terms with this ages ago, and now order the gift I would like and tell OH "look what you've got me" lol. but then he has got mild dementia and it's a practical solution. We have been happily wed for 53 years!