MIFFED

Green eyed monster lurking I think. Be happy that someone in the family got a treat, rather than it going to a cats home. Be pleased for your son. Throw your hands up and say you were out of order and apologise. Another family rift with others taking sides for years is to be avoided. I shudder when I hear of deaths, births or marriages in the family, and wonder who will have their nose out, as sure as God made little green apples, someone will be pissed. Kiss and make up, you are in the wrong.

Forget the money, make it up to your son, maybe offer some words of advice Ono having a spending spree and then save, invest the money wisely. Just be happy for him.

It's the LOVE of money that's the root of evil btw!
Glad all resolved.

Good on you, Brunette. All's well that ends well.

Don't fall out over money or anything else for that matter. It's just not worth it. You say you don't need it so let your son enjoy it, after all, for whatever reason, it's been left to him. Could it be a bit of mischief making by the step grandad wanting to cause jealousy. Just bury the hatchet before it snowballs.

notanan OP said some time ago that she and her son have resolved the matter now.

he may well have intended to share it with you, but the fact that you have acted entitled to it has put him off the idea of the gesture

How lovely that your son has had a windfall from an estranged relative!
Do you think step grandad knew it would annoy you and is still niggling you even after death? If so be better than him and celebrate your son's luck without bitterness and anger!

How sad for you Violette. It's difficult to cope with hurts but we must try. And keep an open mind ad to why your daughter had behaved like this. You must enjoy this money. A world cruise to start with ?. Happy spending.
I think as some people have said here and on other threads mothers don't like to be forgotten and feel unappreciated. But looking back I often think I could have shown my mum more love although at the time I thought I did. Perhaps its just how life is and we only realise it when we are older and our own children seem to forget about us a bit. And they will maybe feel as we do in their future....

lollee I thought that too- about treating mum to something nice. very often I see programmes where people get money they think should have been left differently and as its money they wouldnt have had anyway then why not share it more fairly. My conscience wouldnt let me keep it all. But speaking from a lot of experience there is no point in harbouring ill feelings. It harms you more than anyone else.

Violette, I hope you are sure your daughter is OK as not a word for 11 years is very worrying.

So glad that you made up with your son!

Brunette10 I know you have got the gist of what everyone is feeling and I agree with them but I just wanted to add I do understand your initial disappointment. If, like me, you have supported your child/children and they come into money, it would be nice if they said "Hey mum, you know what?, you have done this, that etc, here's some for you". And then you could have said "awww thank you son but I don't need it (or thank you very much I do need it lol) Its the THOUGHT really isn't it? I think you were initially disappointed in him rather than your exiled step father.

I am glad you have sorted it. FWIW I have never felt anyone is automatically entitled to inherit anything. I get mad when people complain that 'their inheritance is being frittered away! (either on home care or parents being reckless). I've told my mother to spend, spend, spend - do what she wants if it makes her happy. Her money, her life.

You shouldn't have to pay anyone to visit you, least of all your children. How must it feel over a chat and tea that they wouldn't have come had they not had their 'expenses' paid.

VIOLETTE, if you make your will now, it will cover your inheritance too. It is already technically yours if there is anything left after all debts have been paid, even though probate has not been finalised so your daughter will only have an automatic entitlement to it if you DON'T make a will.
Brunette, I am so glad you have made up with your son. I wonder if some of your angst has stemmed from hurt about the disintegration of your relationship with your SF and that it has extended beyond the grave. If so, maybe a little talking therapy can lay that to rest.

Oh dear ! money and inheritance ! always causes problems ! My late father left his estate to my brother and I in equal shares .......so naturally although he never mentioned my daughter (bless him not malicious, he simply never thought !) so I paid off her University fees, her bank loan, bought her a car, paid her rent (offered to buy a little terrace house, but she in the wisdom of a student, said No, I don't want a house ...I would rather have the money !) I paid for a further year, plus monthly amounts instead of a bank loan, plus insurance, petrol, etc etc etc at Uniso she could do an MSc.......this all cost me a lot but I was happy to do it for her ..............11 years down the line she has not spoken to me since then ...reason ? I simply ran out of money as she had had it all .............last message from her in 2007 was that she and her then boyfriend were intending to come on holiday to see me ....I said lovely, let me know when you are coming .....not one word since that message ! What did I do wrong ? I did not offer to pay all their expenses as I normally did as I needed what I had left to live on, along with my pension !!! oh well, friends say I was too generous ....I did put aside some money for her in a 10 year investment bond, but she had that for a new car ......................oh well, you live and learn ! Her uncle has just died intestate, leaving some inheritance of which I am the sole beneficiary ..as I am the only remaining blood line relative ....my ONE fear is if I die before Probate is finalised, my daughter will be the next blood line relative ................must try to ensure I live until October when the solicitor thinks it will be finalised ...I have drawn up a Will with the same solicitor so that immediately it is in my name, I will sign the Will ..................might sound mean, but I don#t think my daughter should inherit from an Uncle she last saw or spoke to on her 18th birthday (she is now 38) ...............life !!

The money wasn't intended for you therefore I wouldn't feel comfortable accepting any of it as you say you don't need it anyway so keep the relationship with your son this will last a lot longer than the money

Ah well done!

You are causing the rift OP.

You.

Your son was left money. It’s his money.

Yeh well done brunette10. It’s good that this space is somewhere we can show our feelings and then get over it. A bit of charm offensive to your son. Just say sorry I was wrong. He can’t argue with that.

It is "the LOVE of money is the root of all evil" not money itself.

Brunette10, I think I started writing before you told us you had cleared the air.
Good for you.
What a relief!

Some friends of family, 2 sisters who had no money and kids - one was left a lot of money (enough to buy a flat) by family member, the other nothing. How it didn't destroy their relationship, I've no idea. Don't let it destroy your family relationships is the moral of the story.

Well done Brunette10. Give yourself a private pat on the back. A few initial misgivings and tangled emotions but you had the grace to acknowledge there was a better way to deal with the situation. We are all human and have our moments but you got there and I have no doubt that in the long term you will very glad. ?

Applegran thank you so much for these very kind and words of wisdom.It is so easy to 'hate' oneself and not 'love' the best bits of yourself. I lack confidence and self-esteem and have done for many years. I want to build myself up as I know, believe it or not, I am a very caring and loving mum. This is a cliche hopefully and one I want to forget.