Gransnet forums


To want time for myself?

(53 Posts)
Bluegal Wed 20-Jun-18 17:48:43

Ok so life has its ups and downs. Have posted that my life is fab but then suddenly...its turned on a dime (Quote Patrick Swayzee). My 89 year old mother has suddenly become so demanding I can't cope! (to put you in the picture I am 65, work part time, have ten GC I look after in relay and have a dog not to mention a husband!)

Anyway, Mum has suddenly decided, she needs me there more than anyone else. When am at work she phones constantly telling me things ranging from the neighbours have parked outside her house to she thinks she's dying. If I don't respond immediately, she gives me a hard time.

My daughters and brothers (2) often phone to say they are going round but mum puts them off; saying things like she is just going out or she has other visitors. Yet when I phone she tells me she has not seen or heard from anyone all week.

I have set aside Thursdays to go and clean her house and do her shopping. I also take her to Doctors/hospital appointments and often have young kids in tow. Mum loves the kids but wants me all to herself so I try to arrange it round her. I also arrange to work around her EXCEPT this week we had an emergency at work and I had to work more than usual. Mum was livid and we ended up arguing about it (mainly because I was so tired) To put you in the picture - I had gone to work Tuesday morning at 7.30 a.m and didn't come home until Wednesday at 10.30 a.m, then took 2 youngest GC to playschool until 12.30 and then walked the dog and gone to see mum at She started arguing with me about not caring about HER!!!! I got so mad, I walked out......

We will sort it - but AIBU to think that I might just want a life of my own at some point? OR do I just resign myself to the fact I am lucky to have such fabulous grandchildren AND still have my mum around? I do appreciate it but just sometimes I want to shut the door on all of them AIBU

Sweetie222 Tue 26-Jun-18 12:31:23

You've had excellent advice from other members, can I suggest that you book a holiday for two weeks in about a month's time.

Give everyone notice and go. Even if you can't afford much it's vital to give you a complete rest. It will also make it clear how much you are doing far better than any amount of explaining and discussing

JenniferEccles Tue 26-Jun-18 13:28:10

As well as a demanding mother, I would say you also have very unreasonable children who expect you to look after all those grandchildren with everything else going on in your life.

You really need to be firm and say 'no' to all those selfish people making so many demands on your life.