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AIBU

potty training

(53 Posts)
Sulis Wed 27-Jun-18 18:30:28

AIBU? I have my 2.5 year old grandaughter 2 days a week. She is not yet potty trained. Being partially disabled (not looking for sympathy, just stating facts) I am not able to run around with her, or after her, as I would like. Her parents are trying to potty train her. She is not yet there, by a long chalk. They want me to keep her out of nappies when she is with me, but I am not able to bend down to clear up any mess, and she invariably fails to ask for the potty when she needs it. So, first time being nappyless last week, I let her be nappy free in the garden as the weather was nice. However, I don't want to have the problem of cleaning up in case of accidents indoors nor do I want my carpets ruined! I propose keeping her in nappies indoors until such time as she is trained. Her parents do not want this. AIBU? All advice welcome, please. Thank you.

Jalima1108 Thu 12-Jul-18 21:56:46

Yes, some things are just not worth keeping!

Melanieeastanglia Thu 12-Jul-18 21:20:05

Poor you! I have thrown away my children's soiled underwear occasionally. I quite understand why you did so in these circumstances.

Your GD will get there in the end but I have to admit I struggled with toilet training.

Jalima1108 Thu 12-Jul-18 18:38:07

Three poops in a day could mean an upset tummy - did Mum not realise that?
And if you are not feeling well, is it fair on you and on your little GD for you to have to care for her?

Sulis Thu 12-Jul-18 18:16:18

Hi Everyone, and thank you all. It has been enlightening. However, today I had my granddaughter again. Unfortunately, I have been ill, so wasn't able to take her out to the garden. She has had to play quietly on her own as I have been incapacitated, but often reminded her if she needed to use the potty. At first, success and she did a wee and a poo using her new toilet seat. Then we had an accident. Parents won't let me use pull-ups. This accident was very easy to clean up, just emptying the contents of the knickers into the loo and washing the knicks and leggings. However, inspite of constant reminders, there was a 2nd accident, which, because I have no sense of smell left, I didn't detect until I saw the spreading stain. This time it wasn't possible to empty knicker contents into the loo as it had spread all over her legs, and into the material and had gone completely crusty and dried. So I cleaner her up and chucked the ruined knicks and leggings into a plastic bag and into the bin. Mother now not very happy with me because I chucked them out and I am getting it in the neck! Ouch!

jenpax Thu 05-Jul-18 08:27:52

Children are all ready for loo training at different ages.
Mine were all trained with a combination of us at home and back up from nursery. I also found pretty pants a helpful incentive.
They were all 3 dry day and night well before school started so I am a bit surprised to hear of children starting school still in nappies😳
I wouldn’t recommend pull ups necessarily but it does depend on the child, I helped train DGS1 as he and DD3 were living with me and he found pull ups confusing as too like nappies! We used the nappy off and pants on method with regular sitting on the potty; we found that if we put him on the potty after a meal and shortly after drinking it usually produced results and we then lavished praise for his efforts. It didn’t take long for him to be dry and he was around 2.5 years at the time.
We used night time pull ups for a little while since DGS invariably used to get out of his little bed in the night and climb in with mum or me and neither of us fancied wet beds🤣 eventually he was able to be bone dry at night too and we dispensed with the pull ups.

Iam64 Thu 05-Jul-18 07:25:57

I've been following this thread with just a bit of incredulity. One of our grandchildren spends two days in nursery, one with us and one with the other grandparents. He announced 2 months before 3rd birthday, no more nappies, big boy pants just as he was being dressed to go to nursery. Mum put him in a pair of underpants, took him to nursery with 7 changes of underpants and trousers - all of which were used at nursery. We all followed the same plan - regular sits on the potty, no problem if he wet himself, just a quick change and chat about the potty. He was dry within a week, with fewer accidents each day
Pull ups are crazy, it's like wearing the disposable nappies most children wear. That is, in no way uncomfortable for them. Quite right to until toilet training arrives then it seems to be confusing and likely to make the training process harder for everyone involved, including the little one.
(ducks back behind sofa`)

willa45 Wed 04-Jul-18 23:56:14

I would definitely give the pull-ups a try! They should be a good workaround for the two two days a week that you have her.

Given your limitations however, having her run 'diaper free' in your house sounds like an unreasonable demand to me. Your DIL should be happy that you can watch DG as often as you do. If perchance the pull ups don't work, DIL should provide all the potty training on her own time.

Melanieeastanglia Wed 04-Jul-18 21:12:32

I feel very sorry for you. Every child is different but I found it very hard to train my sons although they were out of nappies at 2 and a half. If you have difficulty, your granddaughter's parents should make other arrangements for a while. If she happened to be the sort of child who might learn in a couple of days, it might be different (my friend's little girl genuinely picked it up in one day at 18 months). If I hadn't seen it, I wouldn't have believed it.

I understand why you don't want your granddaughter to regularly wet your carpets. An odd accident is a different and more acceptable thing.

You could try pull-ups as people are suggesting, I suppose.

Good luck!

Jobey68 Wed 04-Jul-18 19:47:23

I look after my nieces two year old little girl on Fridays and she is potty training, doing so well considering she's just turned 2! I know it is really hard work and I'm grateful we have no carpets downstairs but it really does pay to be consistent once you start, if she is still regularly wetting and not asking for the potty then she may just not be ready, our little one as long as she has nothing on her bum will take her self off to her potty 9 times out of 10 and is proving to be pretty easy and is even asking for wee wee when she wakes up with her nappy on.
I completely agree it is your house and your rules and they should respect this totally but it's confusing for your granddaughter to be in nappies one minute then not the next so maybe alternative arrangements for the time being would be best, either that or they buy you a new carpet!
All the best 😊

Jalima1108 Wed 04-Jul-18 16:10:11

I think tying the potty on with a towel is a bit weedy - can you not get chains?
chains might not soak up the wee though .....

Jalima1108 Wed 04-Jul-18 16:09:14

and announced her pride in a loud voice.
well done that girl! and well done to granny too.

Jalima1108 Wed 04-Jul-18 16:07:56

I remember the old type of 'training knickers' - one layer of thick towelling with a plastic cover.
The wee would dribble down the sides.

Luckygirl Wed 04-Jul-18 16:04:42

I think tying the potty on with a towel is a bit weedy - can you not get chains?

Fennel Wed 04-Jul-18 15:54:14

We have 4 children, and the only one I can remember any method was no.3. We were living in Singapore and had all tiled floors so like rubysong put her in towelling knickers. So she was aware when something came out.
They were all different though.

rubysong Wed 04-Jul-18 15:29:53

Toddlers in modern nappies do not know when they are wet so pull ups wouldn't help with training. My children went into stretch towelling pants so they knew they were wet but we were mostly spared the worst of messes (apart from one evening in a power cut when the lights were out but I don't want to think about that!)
This business of waiting until they are three must be put out by the makers of disposables who want to keep parents buying their products as long as possible. The advice I had was to do it in their second summer so they could be outside as much as possible. We must have left if a bit later than that to be in that situation regarding the power cut ie dark early evenings.

Rosina Wed 04-Jul-18 15:17:01

Aside from all the excellent training advice here, I do find it rather outrageous that you are expected to have carpets soaked in pee (and worse) and just 'get on with it'. That is just awful! Of course you can't have that. Setting aside your slight disability and bending issues, if you were as quick as a whippet the child could still pee or poo before you could leap across the room, and why should you have spoiled smelly carpets?

mgtanne71 Wed 04-Jul-18 15:11:51

If the parents want you to look after their child they will have to go along with your wishes or find somebody else. It is their job to tackle the thorny issue of potty training , not yours.

Sulis Wed 04-Jul-18 14:58:14

Thank you all! Most helpful and reassuring. Since we have had such super weather my Dgd has been playing in the garden half nude and proudly used the potty 3 times, outside, and announced her pride in a loud voice. I imagine my neighbours at home that day were highly entertained!! But - we have a result!!

Jalima1108 Wed 04-Jul-18 14:08:18

That's OK Luckygirl smile Sometimes the meaning is not clear in a post.

The chart with stars idea is a good one too sarahellen

Marianne1953 Wed 04-Jul-18 14:02:33

The initial potty training should be done over a week, at the little girls home, so she is shown by her parents and understands what is required, once that happens, then other people involved with her care, can keep a potty out to remind her. 2.5 is not too young, both of my children were out of nappies before they were two, without any distress to them or me. The parents need to take a week off and concentrate there energy on this, they won’t be disappointed.

widgeon3 Wed 04-Jul-18 13:52:33

Had 5 children and don't remember such a struggle. When eldest son could walk decided to potty train him. after 2 mins he got up and said' Finished' There was nothing there so i decided to tie him to the potty with my old scarf ( Shouts of outrage from all readers) He walked around a bit in crouched fashion, potty still tied and then got tired of this novelty.... sat and performed and that was it. He had just started to walk at the time but was trained..... until 5 years later we moved into a cold old house where he started to wet the bed. I was most concerned and started to wake him before we went to bed... He was dry as a bone. Next I got up early in the morning to see how he had been during the night.... always dry. As he was the most honest of my children I asked him why.....' because it is cold in the mornings and if I wee it keeps my legs nice and warm' It's not always a medical problem

Luckygirl Wed 04-Jul-18 13:42:26

Beg pardon jalima - the English language on the page can be confusing,

sarahellenwhitney Wed 04-Jul-18 13:31:15

Sulis. Taking on the task of potty training a presumably active 2.5 year old, even if she is your G, should not be your responsibility. What is wrong with her parents doing this. ?just how hard are they trying?As you are partial disabled then DD is being unreasonable in her expectations of you and giving out orders too ?.ie no pull ups.? Naturally you do not want to be at loggerheads with D but if you are' baby sitting' G while her parents, presumably ?are at work, then D needs to pull her weight and not place this task on you as you have a health problem. I am sure G understands what you say to her and the approach I would take is to make a wee and a poo a game using coloured stars which G herself can stick on a chart when she does a wee/poo in her potty or using a toilet trainer seat. Have pull ups on hand regardless of what D says or wants and although there will /may be 'accidents' along the way I know you will get there in the end. Making something a game and showing mummy and daddy the chart with her stars can have surprising results. I wish you luck.

DotMH1901 Wed 04-Jul-18 13:05:39

I understand why you don't want to be trying to clean up any mess and think the suggestion of pull up pants is the way to go - especially if you start by telling her that they are big girl pants and not use them like a nappy. I used to pop my grandchildren on the potty at intervals throughout the day saying just see if you can do a wee or a poo - if they did that was great, if not then no fuss was made about it. They very quickly got used to the idea of using the potty and we swopped to knickers/underpants.

vickya Wed 04-Jul-18 12:42:35

Tell DiL children vary as to when they are trained smile. I was told by mu mum to pot #1 child before andf after every meal from 6 months and she was clean and dry at around 18 months. We caught all poos from under a year. #2 child took ages and was still having accidents when she began school at 4. I got a bit fed up changing dirty nappies for granddaughter of D1 and suggested she train her, just over 3 years old, during half term and nursery were happy to support as long as she began it. She did and grandchild is ok in the day., I bath her some days and just put PJs on last week, thinking mum would then take her to the loo before bed. She thought I'd put a nappy on for the night and granddaughter messed all over PJs, sheets, special toy etc. Bad gran! Daughter #1 does give lots of instructions. Some do. D2 just wants me to visit and enjoy grandson, 20 months, with her there. Maybe because of later potty training??smile