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AIBU

about gifts for teachers?

(55 Posts)
LaraGransnet (GNHQ) Fri 29-Jun-18 12:21:38

As we're coming to the end of the school year, many children (or their parents) are buying thank-you gifts for their class teachers. We've been asked to comment on radio about this. Is it a new phenomenon? Do you think they're unnecessary? Do people feel obliged to spend too much? Do your grandchildren enjoy giving thank you gifts/making thank you cards for their teachers? Are you a teacher yourself? How do you feel about it?
Be great to hear your views? Thank you.

Fennel Fri 29-Jun-18 17:38:17

The best gift is a handwritten message saying how much the parent appreciates their work with their child.
Having said that , the only gift that I remember, and appreciated at the time, was when I had initially trained as a social worker and was pregnant with my first. A client gave me a lovely maternity smock smile.


having sai

Fennel Fri 29-Jun-18 17:43:44

ps that was in S. Manchester.

Elrel Fri 29-Jun-18 17:48:04

Small gifts and cards (especially handmade) were always nice to receive though never expected.
At a middle class primary school the confident young man who taught Year 6 explained to his class in early December that he enjoyed red wine. And it arrived by the case!

BlueBelle Fri 29-Jun-18 18:04:40

You see that really makes me sad and also annoyed Ethrel (not you the hideous expectation)

ebayqueen Fri 29-Jun-18 19:32:19

I am not really ok with teacher gifts, except home made cards, letters , it's likely to cause rivalry over who gives the best gift. But the other side to it is that charity shops are always full of To My Teachers items, proof that many of the teachers just don't keep them.Such a waste of money.

Iam64 Fri 29-Jun-18 19:48:08

Fennel - I did enjoy your post. By S Manchester, I suspect I can identify the area to within a foot or two x

tiggypiro Fri 29-Jun-18 20:03:12

I have one present from a pupil which I still have and treasure. The pupil joined my textile class in Year 10 not knowing which end of a needle to thread. Two years later she left with an 'A' grade and made a career in textiles. She presented me with a beautiful cushion she had made and I was moved to tears. No other present has meant so much.

Deedaa Fri 29-Jun-18 20:13:01

DD has got into the habit of producing home made macarons which are highly appreciated by the teachers. Last year GS1 made a lovely Thank you video for his teacher.

boheminan Fri 29-Jun-18 20:26:44

I'm with BlueBelle on this.

Nursing staff are not allowed to keep any gifts or money offered by patients, and would not expect a reward for what they do. A 'thank you for all you've done' costs nothing, and for the receiver should be above any material gifts proffered.

As a professional body, I do not see why teachers should be different - after all, it's what they're paid to do.

eazybee Fri 29-Jun-18 22:43:36

Oh not again.
Teachers form a much closer relationship with their pupils over the year(s) they work with them, and many children and parents actually want to give a small gift.
Many teachers (primary level certainly) give small gifts, usually edible, to their pupils throughout the year, such as Christmas cards and chocolate, fun bars, homemade cakes and biscuits and easter eggs, paid for out of their own money. Dinner ladies and TAs do this as well, but parents may not realise as most children eat anything edible before they get home.
When in hospital for several days I gave two large tins of biscuits and a thank you card to the ward staff; I don't recall them being returned.

grannyactivist Sat 30-Jun-18 00:34:51

Fennel, like Iam I suspect I too can guess the area you worked in, it was probably where I grew up. grin
As a social worker in Hulme and Moss Side I was just glad to receive the respect of the clients I had, but when I left (1990) I was given a fuschia plant. It has since accompanied me on four house moves and even now it continues to flourish in my garden where it was planted in 1998.

Menopaws Sat 30-Jun-18 01:37:29

In the nursing home we can receive gifts such as chocs and biscuits for all that go into main office or nurses stations but individual gifts have to be refused or if thought will offend handed to the manager.

Iam64 Sat 30-Jun-18 07:59:46

granny activist, I worked Hulme and Moss Side in the late 70's then returned in the early years of this century. What a difference, so many awful old blocks demolished and replaced by good social housing. Some very well planned terraces, all with front and back gardens. Clever planning to avoid rat runs and so on. Well done Manchester council and the tenants who live there.

Marydoll Sat 30-Jun-18 08:08:01

I taught in an area of extreme deprivation and the gift which touched me most was from a girl who wasn't even in my class.
She stopped me in the corridor to asked if I had liked the gift she had left in my room. She was so keen to know if I liked it, so I asked her to come and show me.
It turned out to be a used candle, brought from home, which she had wrapped in crumpled paper.
The fact that she had been thinking of me, meant so much.

harrigran Sat 30-Jun-18 10:00:15

I do not agree with giving gifts to teachers unless of course they are working on a voluntary basis.

goldengirl Sat 30-Jun-18 11:20:22

When I was teaching many many years ago some of the children bought end of term presents and I loathed it. Needless to say I was gracious in my thanks but I knew jolly well that a lot of the children in my care were unable to purchase gifts or even have the opportunity to make their own. A face to face 'thank you' was lovely but presents definitely not.

When I left school I worked in hotels for a bit and I was occasionally given fruit as a gift which was lovely but it wasn't a habit and other guests would have been unaware of this. Any such gifts were shared out amongst staff. It's not easy to do that with gifts from pupils I discovered!!!

BlueBelle Sat 30-Jun-18 11:29:50

It’s bribary at its worst because you are teaching kids that you have to give something to get a good service especially if alcohol is involved and that the more you give the more you get back If you then come back and say to me ‘no we re teaching kids to say thank you’ my answer is teach them the words not a materialistic action
Eezybee I don’t buy your ‘closer relationship’ business can you get any closer than a nurse that saves your life and wipes your bum.
Did you say thank you in this way when at school ? We certainly didn’t we SAID thank you and hopefully meant it

It’s a materistic world with no plain honest values any more

trisher Sat 30-Jun-18 14:27:36

BlueBelle it is seldom 'bribery' because most children give gifts when their relationship with the teacher ends, so there is no connection between the 'service' and the gift. And it isn't teachers who perpetuate the culture of materialism it is the parents.
As for the nurse-patient relationship it is rarely close as you suggest, because you may have one nurse wiping your bum one day and someone else the next. Nurses do a fantastic job but may deal with hundreds of patients a year. They couldn't possibly build relationships with all of them.
I do think that a ruling on "No presents" would be good and welcomed by many teachers. The problem is that just now it is the headteacher who decides and many of them are afraid they might upset parents.

mcem Sat 30-Jun-18 16:27:34

It isn't bribary at its worst (sic) since the teaching standard doesn't vary from child to child according to the value of gifts!
It is however unnecessary and if over-lavish, embarrassing!

stella1949 Sat 30-Jun-18 16:33:18

I agree with you Trisher. I was a nurse for my whole career and I really didn't form any close relationships with the patients I cared for. Every day you'd be looking after different people, and sharing the care with many other staff. It's only in the movies and TV that nurses and patients get close !

I always thought it was fair that we couldn't accept gifts except as a group . Boxes of chocolates, biscuits and flowers for the desk were always appreciated. Individual gifts could be misconstrued and they were never allowed for good reason. A patient's care is the result of everyone's efforts, not just that one nurse who the patient takes a fancy to.

Teachers on the other hand, do form close relationships with children, and I think it's quite OK for grateful parents to give a gift and a card after a long year.

paddyann Sat 30-Jun-18 17:27:33

I spend some time with the GC the week before term ends and we bake something for the teachers ..well they bake I supervise and they decorate them ,we do 4" fruit cakes at Christmas and their teachers were delighted with them.I'm told they were much admired and shared during the tea break .Its cupcakes this break

BlueBelle Sat 30-Jun-18 17:31:42

Stella my aunt in law was a nurse and married one of her patients so you can build up a bond and there’s all different types of nursing and in the community you can have a one to one patient for a long time so it’s not all about ward nursing but the rule applie to all
I think I was wrong in using the words bribery although not totally because there could be another family child coming up to that class but I should have used the oneupmanship term as more accurate I think

oldbatty Sun 01-Jul-18 09:28:47

I once helped a young man who is an asylum seeker. This is rewarding work but people have fragmented and complex lives.He took time to come and thank me which was lovely.

I admired a ring he was wearing ( just for something to say really) and he started to take it off and give it to me.

Lisalou Sun 01-Jul-18 21:25:17

Most of the teachers I work with really would prefer if there were no actual material gifts, a thank you, a letter, or a face to face "thank you", is what is most appreciated. Truth is, lavish gifts are embarrassing and, although given with the best intentions, the teachers feel uncomfortable. After all, we are paid to do our job, no extra is necessary.

BlueBelle Sun 01-Jul-18 21:36:28

Good to hear losalou The school could solve it in a heartbeat tell the parents any gifts twill be donated to a chosen charity (changed each year) I bet the big presets would stop forth with and what a delightful example to set the kids