Driving night time

I know how you feel. I'm used to driving alone and really prefer to do so. I can concentrate much better when it's just me. There must be a firm yet diplomatic way to say 'no'.

After a Christmas get together with volunteer colleagues, I offered a lift home to one of them. She had had a bit to drink, and, I hadn't realised. She kept saying she felt ill. I got quite upset and told her that she was not to be sick in my car, or else. She wasn't, and I have not offered since.

I was driving round the ring road of a nearby city my Husband was constantly talking and criticising, so I said if you don't shut up I am going to stop this car and get out. He then accused me of terrifying the dog as she was shaking on the back seat GRR!!!

Pollyperkins .I refrain when possible from giving a lift to persons who drive themselves. Having experienced reactions from when , now my late, DH was a passenger in my car would when I had to overtake, reach a junction or crossroads with no words spoken, grip his seat. This unnerved me and many the times I have stopped the car and asked him to either walk or b****well take a taxi.

Luckylegs9 - you have no choice if you want to continue driving with confidence - you make it very clear to anyone who wants a lift from you that from the moment they enter your car to the moment they leave they sit in the back and SHUT UP! I'm sorry if your entreaties to people have so far resulted in causing upset but quite frankly if folk are so precious and self-centred that they want you to chauffeur them around and at the same time be able to distract you, then you don't want to be friends with these people. End of. My husband who's 9 years older than I am has become a bag of nerves driving - he becomes very stressed when trying to park, can't see the road properly in the dark, and can't react as quickly as he used to do, so I understand your situation. Consequently he asks me to drive which I don't mind at all but then he tries to tell me what to do. You have to be firm with your would-be passengers. You can't put up with the distractions because it might cost your life.

What a great thread ! I drive alone or late at night with DH and very voluble friends as I’m teetotal . It’s ok when they fall asleep !! However it’s not often and I’m not entirely confident as DH hates being a passenger unless anesthetised ! I have to remind myself when I’m in the driving seat that I can’t switch off and daydream . So I’m planning to do an AA confidence course as I agree with you Quizqueen . If I’m told that I ‘m actually becoming a hazard to my grandchildren , myself or others I would sell my car ( never driven DH ‘s , too big automatic, my choice ) . However I’m hoping it will be more valuable than that . Be good to know if anyone else has done this and how it went .

Omg I know how you feel. Daughter gets in, turns radio off, readjust aircon, readjust seat and opens glove box for a rummage. OH does all of the above but adds criticism to the mix of my every move. Have told them they can walk if my transport is so bad. At least they hesitate now before trying anything! Love them to bits... luckily.

I just say on the odd occasion I have to give someone a lift that I am not used to passengers so get distracted and therefore will not speak at all during the drive. Most people are good about it. It's only short distances, I gave up motorways a while ago, just do local stuff.

Well remember when my DC were young telling them that when they had their own cars I’d lie on the back seat and kick and shout and see how they liked it. Never tried it!

I agree with Luckylegs 9,I dont like having passengers and rarely have them, the worst one is my husband with his comments which make me nervous and I cant concentrate, last time he was with me was the last time, I couldnt cope I said "if you have to comment you cant come with me, use your own car"
Driving at night I avoid as much as possible, although I too have bought some yellow glasses which fit over my own, havent tried them yet, where we live its light all night at this time of year. Even though I seldom answer my phone while driving ( hands free) I still find it hard to concentrate and drive, not answering, is safer.I am glad I am not alone ,we are many who think alike thank goodness.

I was fast becoming the local taxi service for friends at Church, so I stopped it, had enough of being used.

Don’t mind passengers or driving at night yet, but along with many on here I just say “I need to concentrate” if I’m doing something like reversing into a narrow parking space or trying to navigate in an unfamiliar town. Since I’ve done that ever since I started driving, family and friends already know.
I’d certainly not change a radio station in someone else’s car unless they asked.

I'm so happy reading this thread. I could have written almost everything that other posters have. I'm lucky that DH loves driving and always does if we're both going somewhere. He very kindly offered to drive me to my evening 'gigs' especially as I have real problems driving in the dark.
I'm currently not allowed (or able) to drive but, all being well, I might be signed off to by the orthopaedic consultant in 8 weeks time. Will wait and see but my confidence just seems to evaporate more and more with the passing years.

Ignore the “So” - don’t know how to edit!! Sorry.

Here’s a little poem “wot I wrote”(!) :-

Let me say I am happy to treat
My friend, sitting in the front seat,
To a lift near or far
Inside my comfy car;
For company just can’t be beat.

But there is a request I must make
For everyone’s safety’s at stake.
Don’t talk when it’s busy!
I’ll get in a tizzy!
Which could lead to a major mistake.

So

Sorry,pressed post by mistake. Was going to say they sometimes tell me to take a short cut or park somewhere different (and more difficult). Men are particularly bad at this. I say 'No I can't get in there easily' and they say things like ' You could drive a bus in there!'. Hate it!

I don t like taking passengers either particularlyIalwaymen (including DH) who I always feel are crticising my driving ! I do say 'Sorry I must concentate here)if there's a tricky bot and they usually shut up But what gets me is if have planned my route tjey

Sorry, I'm of the opinion that non confident drivers shouldn't be on the road for the safety of other road users and pedestrians and I hope I will be sensible enough to recognise that fact if it happens to me. If your passenger opened her door into a fence that's because you parked too close to it, there can be no other reason! If you reverse into walls while parking then you need someone outside the car guiding you. If you can't drive safely with passengers inside your car then refuse to have any. Everyone likes to maintain their independence, I know. I also know that people don't like to hear the truth but it remains the truth.

I'm glad I'm not the only one. For some reason I've become quite nervous about driving on unfamiliar roads and I certainly avoid driving at night. As for giving lifts - I try not to. I was concerned about picking up a GD from school a little while back. We made it home in one piece and she fortunately wasn't feeling chatty but I was anxious all the time. I'd rather just be in charge of myself when it comes to driving. Funnily enough I'm happy for my DC to take me around occasionally but with DH I close my eyes!!!!

I am happy to speak to passengers if driving on a familiar route although I do make sure I pay attention to the road. Sometimes, when merging onto an unfamiliar road, driving in London or having to carry out a difficult manoeuvre, I just ask people if they could stop talking "for a moment". Nobody has taken offence.

Driving a car is very complex, there are so many more other drivers out there, and some of the road junctions, etc, can be confusing. Cars are also changing - it’s taken me, for example, a long time to get used to the handbrake on my newish car being a VERY small toggle, rather than the large usual handbrake lever that I could use so easily after 40 years of driving.

If I have a passenger, and it’s not every day, I politely say ‘I must concentrate now’, if reversing or parking and no-one has ever minded.

I’ve certainly not had anyone re-tuning the car radio without asking, that would be very cheeky in my view!

Keep driving while you feel able, don’t give lifts unless you want to. And perhaps say to others who want a lift, if YOU want to give them a lift, that you will need to concentrate in order for everyone to get to the destination (and back again) in one piece! ? ?

The thing that gets me most if I give someone a lift is if they open the window without asking. It's ok in this really hot weather but otherwise I hate the noise it makes. I'm not too distracted by talking but if I'm going somewhere unfamiliar I have to ask people to be quiet if I'm struggling to find the way.

I would hate to give up my car
But really do sympathise,how about “so sorry not insured for passengers, can’t risk it”I have found in the past it seemed to be always me driving people about, until I couldn’t drive for a while and the friends disappeared!!

I completel understand how you feel. I live in France but still have a right hand drive car. I have joined various clubs and made many friends and the usual suggestion is to car-share rather than having lots of single occupied cars. My dread is giving someone a lift even though I'm a fairly competent driver on my own (except in cities!).
However, I have now discovered that some people actually LOVE driving and are more than happy to be in the driving seat and have company and share the cost of petrol.
I am always very grateful and email my thanks later or if it's a particularly long outing offer to pay for lunch etc.
The one thing that drives me mad is when people (ie family!) fiddle with the radio, heating or air conditioning!

I have very mixed feelings.
On the one hand I can perfectly easily drive myself to or from anywhere, although I am not keen on long dark country roads(!) so I do gracefully accept offers of lifts from others.
I appreciate that for those who have to give up their cars it is a huge loss of independence, but when I look closely at the cost these days of running a car I suspect an account with a local mini cab firm might be a viable alternative.
I also find that friends who no longer drive have come to depend on me for lifts and it is hard to say no unless there is a definite commitment to be elsewhere. Taking them to the supermarket for instance when I would be as happy to do an Internet shop! Then I just feel guilty. I have got used to driving on my own (or with close family) and hate the attempts at small talk when I am trying to concentrate on the road or parking too.
Oh dear AIBS (am I being selfish?)