Driving night time

Keep driving and maintain your independence but don't offer lifts. Your friends are being cheeky. If anyone turned the radio or heater on in my car while I was driving I'd be livid and they would be told to desist.

My problem is that I have got a bit rusty as I have let my DH drive everywhere as he is now at home all the time after being made redundant. This means that when I do drive he makes askance remarks about the quality of my driving. And that's a bit of a cheek too - of which I have informed him.

I work as a support worker and sometimes - quite often - it includes driving a client somewhere for an outing or shopping. The trouble is as I've got older I find I get easily confused, especially at roundabouts or in unfamiliar areas. I'd much rather not have to take people out in my car, but difficult to explain this to my boss. I'm only 63 but just can't concentrate with passengers in the car. Even my husband, who thankfully prefers to do the driving most of the time. It seems to be getting worse too. And as for driving at night - please don't ask me to do that!

I don't have my own car, so it's rare that I give someone a lift. (I do drive - a friend has me on his insurance so I can use his car about once a month.) However, I am a terrified passenger!! This is the only reason my daughter and I ever get cross with each other. Before she had children, I sat in the back, but now it's full of car seats. I have one (very good) friend that also lets me sit in the back seat. Otherwise I pretend to be seriously engrossed in my phone or a magazine. Can't say it's due to trauma - the only serious accident I've been in was whilst sitting at a traffic light and someone plowed into my side of the car! (I was heavily pregnant at the time and in hospital for 3 weeks!)

Why not stick a little sign on the passenger side kind of like - I would like us all my car included to arrive safely, please don't expect me to chat when driving. Maybe a little poem if you can do that.

When our children were small, and had that fixed look on their face when they were doing a poo in nappy, we would comment “xx is concentrating” . One time we were in the car, dad trying to negotiate traffic with children shouting in the back, I told them to keep quiet as daddy was concentrating. The oldest one (probably about 5) looked puzzled and then said “what does concentrating really mean?”
Family joke for years?.
But I’ve often thought that driving with young children squabbling in car must be as dangerous as driving when tired or using phone. I wonder how many accidents are caused by drivers distracted by passengers.

Willow500 if you don't like driving at night because of oncoming headlights, my mother in law was the same and I bought her glasses that go over her own but with a yellow lense, she said it's one of the best things I have bought her.

I regularly have passengers in my car because I’m the only one happy to drive into the city. They all appreciate it very much and if we hit very heavy traffic or a difficult parking manoeuvre. I will ask them the be quiet until it’s sorted, they’ve never had a problem with it. Maybe you could lie a bit and say you have a headache and would they mind if you didn’t talk

I can sympathise, I get very flustered if I have a passenger, although I’m not sure why. I would also be annoyed if someone retuned ny radio, or banged the door into a fence. I don’t think I’d be offering them a lift again!

Don't offer lefts - sorted

Why not tell your passenger that you would prefer it if they did not speak to you when driving.

If DH and I are chatting in the car and any manoeuvre has to be performed or traffic gets heavy and difficult we immediately shut up until we are on the open road again and I do not hesitate to ask passengers not to talk when I am manoeuvring.

As for retuning someone else' s radio. I think that is beyond the pale. Why not have it turned off when someone else is in the car and if they turn it on ask them to turn it off again.

In that case you simply stop offering and make excuses when they ask but don't give up your car on their account. It's your car, you are literally and metaphorically in the driving seat. If they can't shut up they can get a taxi.

I've tried asking and it's caused upset that's why I chose to make excused. People give up their cars and then take it for granted you will drive them.

I understand this completely and avoid having to drive other people. If it's unavoidable I just ask the passenger(s) to be quiet so that I can concentrate. It's not always well received but it's better than risking an accident.

The notion that we multi-task is a myth. The brain functions in a linear fashion processing one piece of data at a time. What we actually do is switch between tasks and as we switch, there's a micro second of drop out when the brain is focussed on neither. That's enough time for an accident to occur. I don't know for sure but suspect the reaction time switching from task to task may slow as we age and become more of a problem in later years.

In other words, it's physically impossible to participate in a conversation AND give full attention to the road whether it's a person in the car or on the other end of a phone. There's a reason why using mobile phones while driving is an offence.

Please don't stop driving while you still feel competent to do so but do let your passengers know they need to be quiet. Don't curtail your own social activities because of this. Non-drivers may not be be aware of the difficulties they are causing you so don't be afraid to speak up.

I can totally sympathise - I'm lucky that I don't have to drive anywhere much but I've given up driving at night completely due to being unable to see properly, disorientation in the dark and just generally being very nervous. I don't even like driving with my husband in the car so would struggle to take anyone else anywhere. I hope your car wasn't too badly damaged by the wall. Was your passenger aware of your discomfort - is that why she slammed the door?