To feel just a little bit miffed.....

jaycee I drive. I also go on the bus and metro and sometimes brave the London North Eastern Railway.
What’s your problem?

It is NOT an argument ...I meant

It an argument you could use here!
Only one bus an hour and you would need to change buses to get to the nearest supermarket! As for the Railway station, reconcile yourself to a £10+ minicar fare!

I don't expect drivers to take me anywhere but have you ever tried suggesting going by public transport to people who drive. They look at you like you are demented.

eloethan I don’t think non-drivers in general are being criticised, only those who expect to have the use of other people’s cars and time and take this for granted.
A lot depends on where you live. If you live within walking distance of reasonable shops or where there are plentiful buses or a metro, the not-driving is not so much of an issue than if you’re in a rural area with a bus once a week.

Spot on, luluaugust (and others)
I fear she is ageing faster and becoming much more inward looking because of her OH’s condition.
So I don’t intend to begrudge her my time but will in fact be away and /or so busy (by my standards) over the next few weeks that the “cycle” will be broken.
What goes around comes around after all.

Jenpax

A pastry...not cake.

Just thinking if this is an old friend you will know how much of the way she is carrying on is down to her OH illness, just let things drop back a bit gently, the Supermarket being the first to go that really is not necessary in this day and age and certainly not when it puts you out.

I can’t drive either. I try not to rely on friends much, never ask to be driven anywhere, but am grateful if they offer. One friend regularly takes me to the supermarket. She is going anyway but goes out of her way to pick me up. She offered to make this permanent some yeas ago. It is very useful. At the moment she is recovering from an operation, and I really miss those trips. It was our chance to catch up, too.

I have tried offering to pay my share, but both she and the other friend who sometimes drives me just laugh and tell me not to be ridiculous.

I can’t use public transport, so I use a great many taxis. It may seem expensive, but it’s much cheaper than running a car. Drivers often seem to think using taxis is madly extravagant.

I can't see why non-drivers are in for such criticism from some people here. I can't drive. I tried many times but was very nervous. Provided non-drivers don't behave like this lady has done, it's nobody's business.

I

Mawbroon, try to find the courage to be honest with your "friend".
If she doesn't like it, it's her issue.
The reaction may go right the other way, you just can't tell.
This is your time now, to fill just how you want. You have no responsibility as such - unlike in youth, so it's time to think of No.1.
If you remove your availability then you won't have to listen to the "praise" of the other lady either, so it's a win-win situation.
Life is for living to the full, how you want

She not much of a friend! Friendship is a two way thing. I would start by saying, Sorry, not around for the next week. Definately not be so available, it is so selfish and I would be doing something else when she asks next time, she can afford a taxi, do could you if you didn't run a car.. Have a bad tummy or something, anything to make her think how much you and the other friend do. As for expecting the kind tutor to do a 50 mile round trip well that is awful.

stella1949 My maternal grandmother learned to drive at 60 so there’s no excuse for the never learned brigade! She had lived abroad with GF in a country where women were not allowed to drive, and they had a chauffeur. When circumstances obliged them to return to the U.K. my grandmother decided to take secret driving lessons (using my parents car to practise in as DM was in on the secret) and presented GF with her pass certificate whereupon he promptly went out and bought her a car?

gmelon You can get tea too but not cake I am afraid ?

I would my bit of shopping quick, then tell them you will be in the Waitrose cafe when they have finished their shopping.

gmelon
Coffee or tea and the pastries change, sometimes almond, sometimes a warm buttery croissant or other offering.
It's a chance to relax and I fully appreciate it after shopping.

Tell your friend you are sorry you will be unable to take her shopping on Friday but offer her a lift on Wednesday (your shopping day) if that doesn't suit her- tough. We need to be kind but not taken for granted.

Don't let the truth get in the way of a good story headline, eh?!!

I agree, I had not seen GNHQ’s (mis) interpretation of my original post.
Ah well.

Maw It sounds as though your friend is playing both ends against the middle - possibly inadvertently?

I'm surprised and rather shocked that GNHQ have put this in Discussions of the Day under Resentment - dependent friend You don't come across as resentful at all, I think it's a very poor choice of words from them. So there!!

Perhaps ask yourself, was her friendship worthwhile before she needed lifts. If she has been a good friend to you, one who is a good person, then I would overlook this flaw in her character.

I wonder if your friend is trying to hang on to a normal life as long a possible. Maybe a bit of sticking her head in the sand before her husband gets worse. You may be playing a key part in kindly helping her to come to terms with her new position.

I also noticed that you are doing an awful lot yet state that the the other friend does more, how often does she need to go out?
More than most people by the sound of it, considering they have no transport.

You are the other extreme quizqueen.

My rule is ...I will only offer a lift if I was going that way anyway and my passengers leave when I want to and pay the parking. If it's a special one off I will do it to help out close friends but I won't be taken advantage of on a weekly basis. People make a financial choice whether to run a car or not and it shouldn't be seen as a free taxi service for others.

You are not being selfish at all, what seems to have happened is that things have built up from one thing to another. If you don't want to back off completely I would just do the Literature trip which you are doing anyway and back right off the shopping, why should you do without your coffee and cake. As the Drs. trips are sort of one offs surely you don't have to be available every time, you could have a chat with the other friend to see how she is feeling you are not a social service. There are often volunteer drivers who will do hospital and doctor trips and she could look into this. Take care of yourself.

You are a kind,wonderful friend,but friendship should be a two way street------most of us in our lives have been taken advantage of ,as we get older we must spend our time wisely,sounds like you should enjoy time with the other lady who drives she sounds lovely ?