tell me I'm not BU

I get upset sometimes, One of my sons lives a long way away, so if I see him once a year I am lucky, difficult for me to travel as I am disabled. My daughter, we speak daily and I usually see her once a week, my other son has recently (a year ago) moved a bit further away than he was and I hardly ever see them, yes they both work, plus there is an 11 yr old granddaughter, but it must have been many months since I have seen them. They go out and about with friends etc at the weekends, camping, meeting up and doing things but they don't come here. I keep telling myself they have lives of their own to live and of course they do, but I do miss seeing them, their new home is not easy to get to either if you don't have a car.

Luzdoh I found that your Mothering Sunday 'gift' was shockingly callous and beyond rude and I almost wish my DH was absolutely speechless because he can't help but keep making yet another comment about it!
I think you should consider what oldmeg says and to actually put it in your will rather thsn on your wall and in fact I hope you have not thrown the book away and will leave it to them in your will with at least that quote written to them on the fly sheet.. How on earth did it get to this point?

Legs55 Thought my step MiL was being harsh when she said that on the birth of first son (she had an only son). Now I realise how true it is. Friends with daughters don't understand.

My DM lives 300 miles away, I visit twice a year for a week. My DD & her family go once a year, I ring every 2/3 days.

I live about 10 miles away from my DD, we rarely ring each other preferring to use Messenger, this really started when she was expecting DGS2, combination of 7 year old at School & a difficult pregnancy, this works well for us, meet up when we all have sparetime.

I don't have DS but I believe men are less thoughtful than women.

"A Son's a Son until he takes a Wife

A Daughter's a Daughter for all of your Life"

600 miles for a weekend!! You are mad woman. Why not Skype to see your son and save yourself a lot of trouble and angst. One of my sons lives 500 miles away and I wouldn't dream of going for only a weekend. The expense for airfares/ trains/petrol would take my enjoyment away. Only if there was a situation where I was needed would I think of going for 2 nights. Perhaps I am just too mean!

Sons, eh? Don't be offended.

I've only skimmed some of these replies so apologies if this has already been answered, but it isn't clear how long you have waited.
If he is so busy at work that he needs to go in when everyone else is away, he needs people to give him a bit of peace so I would try not to take anything personally and leave him be for a while. If he hasn't got back to you in 2 or 3 weeks, then maybe contact him again but it is very difficult when you are under pressure at work and not finding enough time for your immediate family and what seems to you as a reasonable request may feel like additional pressure to him. It is not that you are asking for anything unreasonable, just that he may not have the resources in time, energy, etc. to give it to you. People can care and be close but just not be able to see each other very frequently. It is just life.

Texts are supposed to be brief and therefore come over as curt. Please pick up a phone.

OldMeg You are a gem!!!

sarahellenwhitney I am ashamed to confess this;
Many A few times I have thought "I hope your children do this to you..."
Not about brevity of texts but many other actual callous things like for Mothering Sunday being given "The Little Book of Death Clearing".

one's expectations are what can cause one grief

I will put this on my will.....never mind my wall luzdoh!

???

Grannyris What a brilliant idea! I used to camp at a local camp site. I enjoyed my bit of independence that way too. It's a bit too much now as my pain situation has grown worse. However I shall save up and copy you in a hotel! Thanks!

Worthingpatchworker What a mine of golden advice you give! I love what you say; ..

one's expectations are what can cause one grief.

I will put this on my wall!
Thank you!!

JuliaSeizer44 I feel for you as curt response hurt me too, esp from my adult children. However I am with OldMeg, don't be hurt, he probably can't write more while at work and it is right that he consults his wife. Our generation can't quite get the quick message idea of texts, so we feel hurt when there's not even a x (kiss) at the end, but our children are used to sending very quick messages and don't mean anything untoward about them.

Actually be glad you got a reply! I sent 2 emails to my daughters recently and haven't heard back. I assume they are really busy though.

Do try not to read anything into your son's messages. He's under pressure at work. All of them are these days.

Lots of love, Lx

I also have a son who lives 4 hours travel away and has not come home since his daughter was born 5 years ago. We do the travelling. He has always been the master of brevity on texts ( once sending me '4' when I asked what time he would be free) I don't think he is being rude, it's just a text thing with lads. He would also check with DiL if I asked to visit. I understand your feelings as I have often felt the same but I expect we will just have to grit our teeth and carry on as I would be so sad if I never saw them. On the bright side, he has offered to come here late this year! I'm not holding my breath but it's the first time he has ever offered. I think it's jst the way some children are with older parents.

Loopyloo Be available when it suits..Let your family need you not the other way round. Give it time then see who gets the most invitations.

I think you need to phone them in the evening. I have a similar problem with stepgrandchildren new twins. My husband wants to see them -he phones and phones, no response. Meanwhile I find out on Facebook the twin babies have been taken to visit the real Gt Grandmother and they failed to call in to see us, a mile away. It is normal and courteous to consult with wife - obviously a polite son ! I wouldn't be too worried - he thinks you have loads of time while he has to work !

A case of 'overthinking'. One of my sons takes days to reply to me. Actually, I find it far easier to make arrangements with my daughters inlaw. Most daughters inlaw make all the family plans anyway.....

JuliaSeizer44.Only when our kids have kids of their own will they understand what it is like to feel how their parents may have felt.Ease back on the gifts and send a message.'Would love to visit, let me know when convenient'.Don't get upset if it doesn't happen immediately just get on with your life.

Actually if I got that quick a response I would be overjoyed, he already was prepared to say he thought it would be ok, just wanted to check. From one son in particular it is once in a blue moon that I get a reply at all, unless he wants something!

Hello JuliaSeizer44. To me you are not being oversensitive at all. I don't know how long has elapsed since your text and his reply but I had a similar thing with my DS a couple if months ago. We live 2000km away from him and were planning a trip to England. The hotels in England and for the return had already been booked so asked if we could meet up on the xx June. Got the usual will have to consult the calendar so I said can you let me know within a few days because I need to get booking the journey. I waited 8 days and heard nothing so went ahead and booked as planned so we would be in France on the 26th. 3 weeks later I got a message to say xx was okay. So I had to message back that sorry it was too late as everything was now booked. His reply was he would have to pull his finger out in future. Sad thing is I know it was because his wife had vetoed it not because he had forgotten. So be like us and just live your life and leave them to theirs. None of my children even contact each other much either. Life today I suppose which is so very different to life when they were growing up and all the family were close.

Is so difficult to comment on such threads because we have NO idea about your relationship with your son.

So whilst on paper it looks like he has been rude, there is a chance he is actually being very polite given how treated him as child for example.

Yes I do find that when I'm not needed I'm dumped a bit. I do a lot of child care but the other granny rarely does but is invited round at weekends for meals! Where did I go wrong?

The way we manage visiting far away family now is to stay in a hotel somewhere nearby (could be a b&b sometimes) and make it into a holiday. We arrange to meet for a meal somewhere (our treat), and perhaps visit a couple of times for an hour or so. I find it's quite an imposition having people to stay now, although we do love to see visitors - so we don't tend to impose ourself on others who have busy lives themselves.

Oh, for goodness sake - texting is so impersonal - why not phone and actually speak to someone - it used to be called 'having a conversation!' Texting at work would be my last point of call.