Thank you tradition.

He's a university student, BlueBelle. Please believe me you have been helpful, and thank you. Yes, that is true, all the rudenesses were childish. He is very intelligent and has friends.

Alexa, with respect, given how he behaves I wouldn’t give him a bl**dy thing from now on.

whoa! I'm getting cross now....he yawned in your face?

Oh dear Alexa I wasn’t suggesting anything out of the norm in your relationship just trying to help you see it may be normal for 21 year olds to pull away I was hoping my post would giv evyou some comfort Sorry if it didn’t
Yawning in your face sounds very childish behaviour Does this young man work ?

BlueBelle, My loneliness is a fact, although I deal with my situation quite well in the circs.

Please believe that I don't seek unrealistic comfort or companionship from him, just lack of unleasantness( such as yawning in my face,)and some normal courtesy on the rare and brief occasions when we do meet.

gmelon, I was not a significant part of his life when he was a child. Perhaps this is the reason for his lack of respect now. He perhaps genuinely lacks any feeling for me at all as I am now irrelevant. If so, it's too late for me to do anything about the relationship or lack of.

However since he became an older teenager he has several times been positively rude for no good reason as I am quiet and unassuming, don't force myself on his attention, and hardly ever see him.

I agree that I cannot change another person's behaviour. I am simply puzzled how to go on from now. It really could be bad for him for all this to go unremarked, and I suspect a little upsetting for his father who is an exceptionally good son to me. I think it is actually bad for someone to be rude to his grandmother and consider that is okay. I never told his father what happened between the boy and myself.

Sometimes grandkids especially boys although in my case the boy who lives nearest me and the elder ( late teens )is still demonstrative and will come give me a kiss in the street but his slightly younger sister is totally embarrassed by me I don’t do anything I don’t think to embarrass her but she is quite shy and doesn’t like any attention and I m an old gal who waves like a crazy woman if I see her and I can see her shrink When I went with her to the city and she was going to meet some friends after our meal I was politely asked to please not come past the area she was meeting up with them ?
Could he be shy/ retiring or Just past being out and about with a gran ?
That doesn’t forgive the lack of thank you but could it be the reason around the lack of being together I m really not sure how many 21 year olds are really wanting to be with theif grans to be totally honest
I think your loneliness is at the heart of this and looking for comfort or companionship from a young man is not the answer That may be more of the answer to your concerns

This would really annoy and upset me too Alexa

This question of thanking someone for a present applies to EVERYONE, young and old.

If I have taken the time and trouble to buy someone (friend or family) a present, or had given them money as a gift, it should be acknowledged by a 'thank you'.

I am not interested in any excuses about 'oh it's how things are these days with he young'. To not thank you is incredibly rude isn't it?

In your position I would make my feelings known to the young man, and if nothing changed then the gifts would stop, grandson or not.

oops sorry missed the mention of aggression. ignore my ramblings

Gifts should always be acknowledged and a thank you issued.
So you are not being unreasonable.

By the sound of it he is involved in just his own life and has no time or regard for your relationship when he was a child.
You mention he was fine at the family meal, Indian meal I think you said.
So he is able and willing to be friendly to you when you are in front of him but you aren't part of his immediate life any more.
Maybe that's the way busy young men are. Probably girls too.

I think it is a shame that families are like this sometimes and more so this generation.
Some adult grandchildren dismiss the past relationships once they grow up.

Trust your instincts Alexa, if he is showing aggression to you, you must tell the family.

Alexa, this stuff isnt easy is it. Its brave of you to say you are lonely.

What would you like?

Maybe meeting on neutral territory with an activity would help. I may be talking rubbish here but an Art Gallery or a walk.

Just an aside you mention his feelings. Massive generalisation but young men don't always do feelings terribly well.

One thing you could do for a laugh is research the latest twaddle, memes and music and slip a few into the conversation.

I believe that it is the modern way not to say thank you , I call it just bad manners ,my late Mother in Law used to say if it is not worth being thanked for it was not worth buying, very true.

Bridget, it's not only the not saying thank you, it's also some minor petty aggressiveness, or let's call it rudeness,which it's too laborious to go into details about.
There is no chance that I 'm mistaken these incidents did happen. Its how to interpret them that worries me a little.

Now that he is 21, it is surely a good time to stop giving gifts ( perhaps quietly save some money for him without him knowing)
To be blunt if he can’t be bothered ( arsed as they say) why should you . That’s not being horrible or nasty it’s just being realistic & saving yourself a lot of pain,I know how this feels & was pleased when I realised that it was me who was actually hurting myself. You can’t alter others behaviour but you can alter yours , good luck & best wishes

oldbatty, you did not sound harsh to me and I like your advice. Unfortunately for me I lack confidence in my ability to say it like it is and not give offence and this is why I will tweak what Mawbroon suggested I say and say it if the opportunity arises.

I understand about passive aggression and it is good to be reminded about it.

As for me trying to reach out and be friendly, I am very lonely sometimes and long for the willing company of my grandchildren, perhaps especially this grandson as he has such a lively mind.

My gifts to him have no strings attached, as he has shown himself unfriendly too often for me to be mistaken about his possible hostility or whatever it is. It's still possible that he is shy or something and that makes him awkward, and that is what I'd like to believe. I do enjoy his company as what he is interested in interests me. However the feeling seems not to be returned. There isn't much point in going into details.

My son did once take us all out to a little Indian restaurant that we all like, and that was fine in every way. I never ever would have thought I could ask him out for a drink as I simply don't have that in my lifestyle. It's an entirely new idea which I will allow to simmer for a bit. Thanks!

Maybe your gifts are an attempt to reach out and be friendly. Is it possible to meet him for a few beers[

Alex, sorry if I sounded harsh. My mother never gave freely and sulked if the appropriate thanks was not given. This then continued with my sons. The pressure to be "grateful" exceeded any pleasure.

I wouldn't mess around. Just tell it as it is. The young man will probably apologise and all will be well.

I am quite traditional when it comes to 'thank you's' and think no matter who it is or what you are giving it's only courtesy to say, text or whatever nowadays to say 'thank you'. I have given many presents to my DD's friends on marriage and new baby presents and I get quite annoyed if I don't get a thank you. What happened to manners these days? It costs nothing to be mannerly. I certainly hope my GC or DD remembers to say it no matter when they get.

I like thst Maw
My 6 yo GD always writes me a note, usually with a picture (of me?) to say thank you. Well of course “always” hasn’t been fir too long, given her age. Before that mummy wrote the note and she signed it. Her 4 yo sister has started to do the same. I blame their parents!?
GS lives close by and so thanks me in person.
I feel very strongly about these acknowledgements but I also know thst not saying thank you is not uncommon. There have been other, similar, threads on here about it. We used to write our Christmas Thank Yous on Boxing Day. A chore I used to hate but I made sure my own two always wrote a note, although later on it was a ‘phone call. I think you should try Maw’s strategy.

Thanks Maw. It sometimes is actually money. I don't know him well enough to know what he needs or wants.

Nice one Maw

It really bewilders me that, in an age when communication has never been easier, saying thank you for a gift seems to have become harder and harder for some people to do .
No Alexa you are not being unreasonable. It is a simple courtesy that no 21 year old should need to be reminded of.

“Darling (or whatever) I love giving you things, but never know if you like them as you never acknowledge or say thank you. If you would rather I didn’t bother that’s fine by me. Just tip me the word”
(And if you would rather it was money, just bear in mind grandma can’t afford all that much on a pension )

I think its how things are, 'nowadays'.
It was a very big deal when I was young, to receive a present or money, but these days, not so much.
Plus we had my mum breathing down our necks to make sure we said thank you, which I think is less likely to happen now.