Permanent Memorials at Roadside Accident Spots

I have a strong dislike of flowers placed at roadsides, yes I do understand for some people they may bring comfort. My Dad died suddenly when I was 22 (40+ years ago), he was cremated & family flowers only, every-one else was requested to donate to charity. We continue to do this.

I find roadside memorials complete with flowers distracting when driving, not as in making me unaware of the road I'm driving on but my thoughts will be "oh I wonder what happened".

I dislike seeing all the plastic wrapping around bouquets of flowers, I hated seeing all the flowers after Diana died, all I see is the waste & how much more good all that money could have done if given to Charity ok tin hat time & hide behind the barricade . Grief is personal to the nearest & dearest. I don't like memorials but a graveyard/cemetery is the place for them.

Jay's Grave or Kitty Jay's Grave, Dartmoor is quite close to where I live, google it if you're visiting Dartmoor & want to find it, fresh flowers are laid regularly but no-one admits to putting them there.

Locally permanent reminders are not permitted but you do see flowers presumably at anniversaries or birthdays so sad for the families, if it makes them feel better no harm.

Thank you JackyB - I love it when someone gives a link to increase my understanding of the thread. The crocus idea seems so lovely Jane10. In Greece they are very elaborate, little houses with candles, photos etc. Not by the roadside, but when my friends lost their son to knife crime (he was killed 16, protecting a 14 year old from a 16 year old with a knife) they were allowed to put a bench in front of Hackney Town Hall where he died with inspirational words for other young people. They've spent the past 14 years working in his name in the community. Now that's what I call a living memorial, venerate a life by doing good, not with flowers, toys etc which cost money but are fleeting...
www.robertlevyfoundation.org.uk/.

I particularly dislike the memorials with artificial flowers and also various sorts of solar lights and lanterns. Why do people have to mark the place where a loved-one died, usually in tragic circumstances. Can you imagine if tributes were left over hospital beds etc!

I don't think permanent stone memorials along a public highway should be allowed without planning permission neither should flowers be left unless the mourners are willing to come back and clear them up afterwards. Planting crocus bulbs or similar is a lovely idea for a long lasting memorial; I must remember to ask my children to do that for me wherever I end up!.

BlueBelle I think we live close by each other. That particular event was such a tragedy ?.
I couldn't possibly say how someone chooses to mourn the loss of a loved one is wrong. Each to their own.

Everyone dies somewhere - if we all took up that space as well as the official permenant space of a grave, urn or whatever, there wouldn’t be a square inch left. I first saw it as commonplace in the Mediterranean when holidaying there in the 60’s. As a novelty I thought it quaint - now it’s here too not so much - temporary markers as a focus of grief I understand if the mourners desire, but nothing permanent is appropriate, that’s what graves are for.

Old meg , I also hope I’m never in that position either.
One things for sure I won’t be visiting the scene never mind leaving a tribute. It would be a place that, to IMO, would bring no relief either to me or to those local people who may have been quite innocently involved in the accident.
If I was someone who, however, did get some comfort from leaving flowers, beer cans (!) etc. I would like to think I would care enough to go back and remove the mess that it becomes shortly afterwards.
I’ll stick with my opinion. You are entitled to yours.

I must admit I dont feel public roadsides are the right place for permanent memorials. The temporary laying of flowers is a different matter. The trouble is these things start off innocently enough but tend to get out of hand. It might be OK if permission was required and rules were imposed. In our village the family of a young motorcyclist killed at a village junction consulted with the parish council and it was mutually agreed to fix a flower holder to a lamp-post about six feet up. The family keep the flowers fresh and it looks attractive, but not obtrusive. When we asked for Mum and Dads ashes to be interred at the local church, permission was granted even though they did not attend any church, however, a whole list of rules governs what can and cannot be left on the memorial site, so that the area looks pleasant and attractive for all.

I dislike the flowers in plastic wrapping, tied to trees, lamp posts & flyovers (have seen all of those). I cannot understand what comfort there can be in reminding yourself, family or friends of the exact spot where a perhaps violent, tragic death took place, surely a reminder in a more suitable place is far more appropriate. There is a beautiful viewing spot near me that we used visit regularly, wonderful views down the valley and when we last went about 18 months ago so much of the area was given over to markers, flowers etc., some for pets (dogs presumably) and some I think were ashes of loved ones, very recent scattered about. I would have thought this was illegal but we have not been back since. Old stone markers, the crocus idea I think are more acceptable. The sea of plastic wrapped flowers, teddy bears, toys and other sundry items left out in streets are not.

How kind of you Pamela to allow my my opinion.

It now appears that asking some people to ‘be kind’ in their posts, also draws flack and criticism.

What is life coming to?

Your initial response to my comment was criticism of me for holding my opinion.
Wasn’t it OldMeg?
What’s sauce etc.

Me thinks old meg is just looking for a fight lol. Her first post saying people were so judgemental was inappropriate then she told me I shouldn’t be driving ?. Now it’s Pamela’s turn... what is your problem old meg? There’s no right or wrong answer here. People are bound to have various opinions. I don’t think anybody would strongly object? All I read is compassion but nope not for me type of response ..and that is fine surely?

I really dislike the leaving of teddy bears and other soft toys . All that will happen is that they will get wet and dirty .

Beer cans etc left on some graves seems to have become more common for the sad deaths of young people. Whilst I do not personally like it,I accept that some young people see it as honouring that persons life, but too an older generation it seems quite the opposite & disrespectful .

There are two memorials on a road near me. One, for a young lad who, cycling from a footpath, went to cross a busy road and was hit by a lorry and the other is a shrine around a tree where a local man hanged himself. They both have plastic flowers etc., but although I find them upsetting and ugly, it means a lot to their families, so I feel I shouldn’t be so judgemental.

I don't think its judgemental grannytotwins just your opinion. Different strokes for different folks.

I think flowers tied to a tree/ lamppost/ fence is unsightly after a few days with wilted flowers etc remember the deceased person in another way light a candle /tea light somewhere instead at home in Church or just think of the person and the family left behind

These roadside shrines are quite commonplace here in Malta. I wish they would serve to make people drive more carefully as the standard of driving here leaves much to be desired.

I have no objection to the shrines and can understand how they might give some sort of comfort to family members.

I personally do not like to see them, they bring to mind people I have lost, however each to their own and if it brings comfort of any sort then so be it.

Just around the corner from where my son lives, there is a memorial spot for a lad who killed himself by smashing into a tree on his motorbike whilst he was extremely drunk and under the influence of drugs. His friends now leave beer cans and bottles there as his memorial, it’s flipping hard trying to explain it to my grandson

I have often seen the dark silhouettes at the scene of road fatalities in France where I believe they are put up by highways dept and kept up for one month and apparently have been credited with reducing accidents by making drivers more aware of danger. They were initiated by a bereaved father I read. I think it's a good idea and better than decaying flowers.

Twenty two years ago a friend's partner was killed on his way home from work when his van went off the road for no apparent reason and ended up in a garden upside down. He was a very well known locally and there were a lot of floral tributes left on the grass verge. I think this was the first time I had seen such a thing and I remember taking her to look at them. She was very moved at the messages on the cards which I think gave her some comfort - she took them all off the flowers to keep - she had a 22 month old son at the time and said she would give them to him when he was older. The flowers were left there until the occupants of the house finally asked for them to be removed as they looked unsightly after they'd wilted and I don't believe any were left after that.

It seems to be more common now and we often pass flowers tied to posts at the side of the road but the only permanent markers we've seen have been abroad.

Years ago a temporary neighbour was killed just outside the village where I used to live, wiped out by a tourist travelling on the wrong side of the road. Spring bulbs were planted at that spot by her family. Some 20 years on the area was developed for housing and the bulbs dyopped flowering. After a couple of years up popped the daffs again and they still appear each year regular as clockwork. Her family moved far away and I sometimes wonder if I'm the only one in the area who thinks of her. A true natural memorial.
There is another roadside memorial close by which I find distasteful. A 'brick' wall adorned with faded plastic flowers, ribbons, football scarves and now tatty messages to the deceased which has been there almost as long as the other.
Perhaps I should be less critical? Each to his own....