Caught in adult kids conflict

It is up to your son and his wife to clarify this situation with your daughter - not up to you. I'd be telling my son to phone or text his sister and making this very clear. It's cowardly of him to expect you to enforce his new "rules".

Having said that, unfortunately we can't always make our children remain as friends when they grow up. My two never speak to each other except at family events, which I find heartbreaking, but you can't make people like each other . We can only live with what we've got and love them all . Good luck to you dealing with this awful situation.

I think rubytut has summed up this disgraceful situation perfectly. They are childish and selfish for involving you in this and for using their children as weapons. Depending upon how ghastly it is, could you not ask that they project forward and think how they would feel if it was their two children that had fallen out?

We obviously do not know the reason for the fall out. If it is petty stubbornness I think I would be inclined to intervene and tell both my children how ridiculous they are being and how much it will affect THEIR children. But if it is a serious issue which you understand then presumably your daughter understands too and will realise what an impossible situation you are in?

If that’s the case I would be honest with her and say I absolutely hate this and love you both but if you really can’t kiss and make up then there are going to be times you will have to stay away as I am not going to lose my grandchildren over squabbling.

Good luck

Luckygirl is right, its up to your children to sort this out themselves not down to you.
They have placed you in a difficult position quite unfairly.
I don't think you are being unreasonable but sadly you have to agree to the parents wishes.
I hope things work out well soon.

How badly behaved they are involving the children and you in this conflict. I think that what happens in your house should be up to you but as they are so immature they may ban you from seeing the children, difficult situation. Sorry I have no advice, just wanted to comment in support as it makes me so angry when children are used in an adult row.

How very sad for you.

I think you should place the responsibility for telling your DD she cannot call while the children are there fairly and squarely on DS and DIL, whose decision it is. It is not down to you to tell them, nor indeed to "police" this.

I think if DS and DIL find out the kids are having contact with their aunt at your house when they have told you they specifically do not want that to happen, there is an excellent chance you will find yourself cut off as well.

I think you will find the situation much easier to manage if you only see your grandchildren at their own home, or on outings, or generally somewhere that your daughter is unlikely to turn up.

I think whether or not you find their actions reasonable, you have a pretty stark choice between going along with it to maintain your own access to to the children, or siding with your daughter and finding yourself cut off too.