To find the use of 'passed' instead of died irritating?

Oh, that really is beautiful!
I have never come across that before, and I'm so glad I did.
I think!

Annie your comment about how no-one can feel your pain resonates with me. One of my favourite poems is Envoi by Kathleen Raine:

Take of me what is not my own,
my love, my beauty, and my poem-
the pain is mine, and mine alone.

See how against the weight in the bone
the hawk hangs perfect in mid-air-
the blood pays dear to raise it there,
the moment, not the bird, divine.

And see the peaceful trees extend
their myriad leaves in leisured dance-
they bear the weight of sky and cloud
upon the fountain of their veins.

In rose with petals soft as air
I bind for you the tides and fire-
the death that lives within the flower,
oh gladly, love, for you I bear!

I wish someone would start a thread so we could discuss all these things.

Keffie, you expressed my own views entirely. I know, without being able to explain how I know, that death of consciousness is impossible. That applies to all conscious life forms. We are not 'in the universe'; rather, we all, collectively, create it. I don't believe in 'matter'. I believe in consciousness. It is part of quantum physics, and not 'airy-fairy nonsense'.

One of my favourites is :
Do not stand at my grave & weep
I am not there,I do not sleep
I am a thousand winds that blow,I am the diamond glint on snow
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,I am the gentle Autumn rain
When you awake in the morning’s blush,I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds In circled flight,I am the soft stars that shine at night
Do not stand at my grave and cry,I am not there I did not die.

Mary Elizabeth Fryer

Maw ❤️

A poem by the Scottish poet Thomas Campbell contains this verse

But strew his ashes in the wind
Whose sword or voice has served mankind -
And is he dead, whose glorious mind
Lifts thine on high :–
To live in hearts we leave behind,
Is not to die

I am thinking of having the last two lines on Paw’s stone. .

I do sympathise with the dad in the poem!
I still have my long-dead dog's water bowl in the kitchen, in case her little ghost thinks I've forgotten her. (Yes, I know.). Plus it does come in handy now and then for visiting waggly ones.

I love it. It always reminds me of my grandparents, possibly because Nana was always popping out to get something.

I love that poem.
I came across it when I was looking for the right one for my daughters' funeral.
It really touches me

gillybob- for your dad.
Long Distance 11 by Tony Harrison
Though my mother was already two years dead
Dad kept her slippers warming by the gas,
put hot water bottles her side of the bed
and still went to renew her transport pass.

You couldn’t just drop in. You had to phone.
He’d put you off an hour to give him time
to clear away her things and look alone
as though his still raw love were such a crime.

He couldn’t risk my blight of disbelief
though sure that very soon he’d hear her key
scrape in the rusted lock and end his grief.
He knew she’d just popped out to get the tea.

I believe life ends with death, and that is all.
You haven’t both gone shopping; just the same,
in my new black leather phone book there’s your name
and the disconnected number I still call.

Really people can use whatever term pleases them. When my mum died recently I used the words "died and dead" because I knew that what remained was my mum's body (now her ashes) and whatever she had been was no more. She isn't lost because she is remembered by all of us and we still talk about her. Some cultures believe in 2 deaths, the first the real physical death and the second when the dead person is no longer spoken of and is forgotten.

I will follow your example Grandma70 but for me it will always be died or dead.

This thread has made me see why some people prefer euphemisms, and I’ll try to be more tolerant about them in future, though I’ll never use them myself.

I think it’s often very hard to use the word “dead” or “died” because it seems so brutally final. My dad can’t bring himself to say that my mum “died” and tells people that he “lost his wife” which is true.

How unkind some posts are.

My husband died young, we had two small daughters, I lost the love, hopes, dreams we have in only eight years of marriage.

I had two babies who died at birth so I lost those babies, ,
they didn’t die because they only lived minutes, I lost them.

My first love didn’t die he was murdered because he was a black S.A. So I lost him.

My parents died and I still miss them , again I lost much.

Last November my adored elder daughter took her own life, she didn’t die, she jumped in a river and drown , I lost the person I adored, my best friend, my joy, my world

They all died, I lost them, I didn’t misplace them .

No one can ‘feel my pain’ , those who have buried their parents, husband, babies, adult daughter can understand how I hurt, how lost I am but my grief is mine , my pain is mine .

I know my beloved elder daughter will no longer suffer so she has found the peace which passeth all understanding, she has passed on from the dark world her illness took her to into the light of the ever loving God.

I have lost their love, their presence, and I too am lost.

Don’t nit pick words people choose to use, don’t make jokes about kidney stones and driving tests. Allow people to use what ever words helps them through the darkness of their grief.

1) irritated is not the same as offended!
2) my OP did not suggest I or anyone should confront anyone who used words they found most appropriate.
3) I clarified my post was in response to a news item I had read & not a face to face.
I only list these things as this thread has illustrated how easily people make huge assumptions about others, how use of language is so powerful and how quick we are to take umbrage and that I must take care more time in constructing any comment / post to ensure absolute clarity!

I can't see how anyone can be offended by saying passing or died, the person saying it has lost someone they love.

An additional thought – my father died and many years later my mother died. They are dead; their deaths are losses to me and other members of my family because they are no longer a living part of our lives. They are, of course, a remembered and massively valued part of our lives.

I have no problem with people who use euphemisms for dead and would never try to "correct" them. But dead is dead – and, however painful, there are no two ways about it.

Me too NanKate it’s all about the feelings of those who have lost a loved one.

I don't personally like it. It certainly doesn't fit my experience of death where a young person was killed in an accident - he certainly didn't 'pass away' - neither did my father who suddenly had a heart attack out of the blue. However if it helps people I am not going to criticise. It is a lot better than 'fell asleep' which can be very worrying for children.

Whatever people are comfortable with saying when someone dies is fine with me.

MissAdventure I could not agree more, I lost my son and that's how I describe it, it was a loss.

MissAdventure So sorry for you. (I was going to say, 'So sorry for your loss'.) But your daughter isn't 'lost' - just from your side, for a little while. There is a wonderful poem by Canon Henry Scott Holland (Too long to type here, but you will be able to find it on the Internet.) "All Is Well." It begins, 'Death is nothing at all, I have only slipped away into the next room ...' I do hope it brings you, and others, some comfort - as it did me. It echoes keffies post.

Now everyone can discuss slipped away!

SpringyChicken 'Brown bread' is cockney rhyming slang for 'dead'. And, Yes!, it's still used by Londoners. (In my family, anyway.)

A long time ago, a London cabbie told me that in the cafes where cabbies take a break, they never say someone is dead, they are brown bread ( to soften the shock of telling someone). Of course, it might be different now.