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AIBU

To find the use of 'passed' instead of died irritating?

(206 Posts)
PECS Thu 02-Aug-18 15:55:49

I see the use of passed or passing in place of died or death is increasing. I find it an odd turn of phrase and quite irritating. I wondered when we became so afraid to use death / died/ dead?

Mapleleaf Thu 02-Aug-18 16:01:31

Yes, I find it a bit strange too. I've noticed it creeping in on the news.
I think there's been a thread on this topic before, though can't remember which forum, so don't know if you'll get many responses, but I didn't want to read and ignore. 🙂

GrandmaMoira Thu 02-Aug-18 16:02:31

It irritates me as well. I don't know when passed away was shortened to passed but why not just say died.

lemongrove Thu 02-Aug-18 16:04:36

Yes, we have had this thread at least twice before, but if you're new to GN you are not to know that.

Anniebach Thu 02-Aug-18 16:08:01

Whatever people are comfortable with, it’s choice

Poppyred Thu 02-Aug-18 16:08:57

Does it matter?? If you believe in an afterlife, it’s whats happened.

BlueBelle Thu 02-Aug-18 16:09:47

....or if you have a bad memory Lemongrove
I find all these euphemisms strange why do people write on headstones ‘so and so who feel asleep on....’ I even find lost a funny one you have experienced a loss which is different to losing something which makes me think of carelessness
I suppose they are all comfort words or maybe come and go in and out of fashion

Anniebach Thu 02-Aug-18 16:17:35

, I don’t understand why people are troubled with how others choose to speak of death , if one chooses to say died say it, if passed, passed away , fell asleep, fell of their perch, snuffed it then say it, personal choice and all worthy of respect surely

MissAdventure Thu 02-Aug-18 16:19:46

I say my daughter passed away, and if it irritates or offends, just thank your lucky stars you aren't having to face what I and some other mothers here have had to.

lemongrove Thu 02-Aug-18 16:22:02

Hear hear MissA
What is it to anybody else, it is a very personal choice.

MissAdventure Thu 02-Aug-18 16:23:04

Oh, I also say she died too; it depends on the situation and how fragile I'm feeling on any given day.
Sometimes I just let people assume she is still alive, because its all I can manage.

MissAdventure Thu 02-Aug-18 16:27:15

I think that came out more harshly than I intended.
I didn't mean to be rude.

Anniebach Thu 02-Aug-18 16:28:48

Same here MissAdventure, I say she is dead but I also say - she is as peace now, no matter what the pain is the same

Nannarose Thu 02-Aug-18 16:32:18

Although I agree in principle it's a personal choice, the result is that kindly people find themselves using "passed" as they don't want to offend. I loathe it, and only use it if the person I am talking to uses it, which is more and more.....
I am fairly laid back about language, but my plain speaking mother thought euphemisms unhelpful and sometimes harmful.
I feel it will just creep in because saying "died" to someone who is upset by the word seems impolite and unkind. It also feels slightly off the wall to tell people that I am offended by the term "passed" although those close to me know.

GrannyGravy13 Thu 02-Aug-18 16:33:02

Sometimes I feel saying my Mum is dead is just so flipping hard. I use whatever I am able to verbalise at the time, if it offends the person I am speaking with, I cannot help that. The fact that she is dead and I have lost the best friend and one person in my life that was always on mine and my sisters side is hard enough to cope with on a daily basis.

MissAdventure Thu 02-Aug-18 16:37:30

Yes, it is just down to personal preference. We all have them, and we can all rub along fine.
I suppose the most offensive thing to me would be if someone questioned my choice of words to my face.

humptydumpty Thu 02-Aug-18 16:42:22

It's completely beyond me why anyone would be offended by "passed" - why?????

Surely it only concerns the person using the word, whatever they are most comfortable with. Personally I find that viewpoint quite rude.

Anniebach Thu 02-Aug-18 16:47:13

Why would passed offend anyone ?

PECS Thu 02-Aug-18 16:47:53

I did not make it clear enough , sorry. I was referring to media announcements. I had just read an article about the death of a local person which referred to his "sad passing". I am not diminishing the pain or trauma we feel when our loved ones die or forcing anyone to use any phrase. I just wondered if I was the only person to find the increasing use of death euphemisms irritating. Sorry to have restarted an already talked about topic. Thank you to those who were kind enough to respond and not be snappy.

humptydumpty Thu 02-Aug-18 16:50:28

Sorry if you were offended PECS, my comment was not a reaction to your OP but to the post by Nannarose

Nonu Thu 02-Aug-18 16:56:11

To true

MamaCaz Thu 02-Aug-18 16:56:19

I see nothing wrong with not liking such euphemisms, or even saying so in a discussion like this (though I can't see how on earth anyone would be 'offended' by them!), but of course it would be incredibly rude to say so to someone who has just used one!

Lazigirl Thu 02-Aug-18 16:56:40

In the obits in the paper today only one person had died, all the others had passed away. I personally don't use it because I do not believe in an afterlife and I think passed on/away or just passed has religious connotations. I think the term "passed" is in common usage in USA. I agree that it is totally a personal choice, and bereavement is difficult enough to bear without worrying about terminology.

Nonu Thu 02-Aug-18 16:57:08

Too true.

Anniebach Thu 02-Aug-18 17:02:05

I don’t think people are afraid of the word death, just find passed away less harsh