AIBU to think this is pathetic?

I hate what I call, “pushing pennies around the table”. I agree with those who say the method of paying needs to be agreed before ordering.

I do dislike meanness of any sort, but the ladies I dine out with regularly always recognise the designated driver doesn't drink, and goes out of her way to pick us up and drop us off after a night out. We pay for our own meals splitting the cost of a bottle of wine or other alcoholic drinks between the drinkers. We also, between us, buy the soft drinks for whoever drives. It seems the fairest way. One friend always has a liqueur coffee after her meal and doesn't expect it to be added to the total. It can get messy if you don't have a fair system for paying on group night outs.

OH is very generous and if we take friends staying with us out for a meal he insists on paying. Sadly, we have some old friends, one couple, who never, ever reciprocate, even though they have good incomes and a wealthy lifestyle. Last time we stayed with them we went out to a lovely restaurant and at the end of the meal he made it fairly clear OH would pay half of the cost. I was mortified but the 'friend' didn't flinch and neither did his wife. OH and I had a good old chin-wag about it afterwards but he says he won't change. Most of our friends are equally as generous, which is lovely. (I might not be so hasty in inviting that particular couple to stay again, perhaps.)

That's true MOnica my husband is much more laid back about this sort of thing though and will continue to help wherever he can. I can't complain about him being kind can I ?

I agree Monica about if it's a pound or two each way. But if you have something much more (for example £10 more) it's only fair you at least offer to cover the fact you have spent much more. I always do. Sometimes people take the extra, sometimes not but the fact is to acknowledge that you are trying to do the fair thing for all

Was out with different friends this weekend for a meal. One had a steak which was considerably more expensive than what anyone else had. They insisted on paying the difference. Everyone was happy

sodapop, now you know why they are better off than you, they are spongers.

We have recently had a meal out with friends, as usual they had the cash to pay only for what they had ordered. These are the same people who often call asking us to do jobs or errands which involve travel and for which there is no offer of payment.
It is not a big thing just irritating as they are considerably better off than we are. It would be nice if they just paid half once in a while or even offered to pay the whole bill.

Last week watched as a waitress struggled with a table for 8 and a table for 6 all wanting individual bills and then forming a long queue at the till to pay.

When we go out with other people, one person pays the bill and the others settle up with them or with one couple we both pay alternate lunches. Surely if you can all afford to go out for a meal, a pound or two each way is not going to bankrupt you.

The people we eat out with as couples eat and drink more or less the same as we do, so a simple split is easy. Having said that, I wouldn’t order the most expensive things on the menu if we were splitting!
My friends have a restaurant, and say that teachers are the worst for quibbling about who owes what ( teachers, feel free to disagree!)
As for eating out as singles, we have a friend who will always remind us that she’s not drinking, though her two wee bottles of Schweppes orange and one of lemonade easily costs as much, if not more , as an alcoholic drink!
I can live with paying a few pounds extra to have a hassle free night in good company, but don’t know how I’d feel if somebody was deliberately extracting the urine!

Sometimes going out for a meal really stretches the purse, and someone drinking excessively, or having a starter and a dessert and coffee can be the reason why one person will not be able to come next time. A good host/organiser will take all the diners' pockets into consideration before the meal when choosing the venue and 'ground rules'.

Perhaps there could be a third way, ie, stating that you will put in X amount of money which will be in excess of the actual cost of your chosen meal therefore contributing to the collective, without having to pay 2 or 3 times over the odds.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Eglantine that is so not on. They must know what they are doing. I would have objected long before now.

Bit silly over such a small amount. I generally split and don't worry about whether its fair. And I usually leave a tip as well probably more than my fair share. I don't mind. But if others were drinking a lot of alcohol I dont think I would. I think I would have to say. I can afford to not care. If I couldnt I think I would have a different attitude.

When you go out in a group it's to enjoy the occasion and the conviviality. Anyone who doesn't consider others enjoyment should just be excluded. I mean greedy and selfish as well as the parsimonious.

I was out with three friends some while ago one of whom is notorious for working out her share of the bill to the last penny. On one particular occasion she excelled herself by asking to split the cost of a plate of biscuits 4 ways.......they cost £1 in total. I was both flabbergasted and embarrassed in equal measure.

Exactly Lilihu. Though we usually split the bill between us when we go out with friends these days it wasn't always the case.
When I was a hard up student ,long ago , I once went out to a 21st birthday meal with friends. I was short of cash so chose what I could afford very carefully. To my horror at the end the others agreed to split the bill! I think one has to be very sensitive about this.

We always pay separately. I hate the thought of any member of our meal party feeling they’ve paid more than their fair share. Paying separately means I can have whatever I choose without looking at prices. We often dine with a range of people with vastly differing budgets, and I’d hate to put anyone out of pocket.
Incidentally, to someone on a very limited budget, paying anything extra can be disheartening, and spoil the enjoyment.

I am afraid I have got a "bit of a thing " about this. I would probably chuck in fifty quid, leave and never speak to them again. OTT I know.

I agree but have a friend wo always chooses something expensive - she is well off and I do get miffed when we split the bill

I don't drink alcohol nor do I eat meat or seafood so my choices when dining out are invariably cheaper, that is why, unless it's just coffee and cake or fish n chips all round, I always ask for a separate bill.

If there is a next time, give her £1.50 then split the bill !! She needs to be embarrassed for such pettiness.

This can be a real pain.
I go out with a group of old school friends from time to time. Two of us have wine, the others don't drink, so we two pay for our bottle of wine, and split the rest with the others.

On the other hand we also go out with another group of friends, DH as well on these occasions. He doesn't drink as he is driving, and I only have a half of beer. One of the group goes straight on to the spirits, and when we come to split the bill we've often paid way over for what what we've had.

I'm all for not being pernickety and splitting the bill, but people have to be conscious of being fair.

I'd stop going out with her as other posts have said.

This is more difficult than would first appear. I agree with
HillyN in the main.
If there has been a problem with a previous meal with the same people then I would make it clear from the outset that I would pay my own bill next time.
Issues over payment do detract from the enjoyment of the meal and the ambience of the evening.

Pathetic. My sister in law is like this. Once paid 'her share' of a pot of tea with my (then) 14yo daughter !