Don't usually use the AIBU thread, and still not sure if this is where this post should be!

I think he might have been pulling your leg!

Ha ha muffinthemoo in that case maybe he meant he was from another part of the city!
One of the reasons I volunteer is to get something done which needs doing. Jobs which some might say our taxes go to pay but the council or whoever, never get round to it.
It also can be sociable and therapeutic.

But donating to charity/for good works (zakat) is compulsory during Ramadan, Grammaretto?

Of course it is possible the man was not Muslim but most faith traditions have a charitable tradition. Hindus believe that giving (dana) is an important part of dharma (religious duty). As do Sikhs (many happy memories of visits to the langar with friends and neighbours!)

Can I chime in here to say I believe we have a culture of volunteering in this country which possibly stems from our Christian tradition.
I was collecting for charity at a supermarket recently and the Asian doorman asked me why we did these things. He was genuinely interested in why, for no money, we spent hours with our collecting tins. He told me there was no such tradition where he was from.
It made me think. Maybe this is to political for this thread!

I'm not going to bother replying at length your post, notanan because you couldn't be further from the truth.

Sorry Notanan2 but at almost 69 years old which I was when I did the Cancer Research walk for Life, I certainly didn’t do it for the fun of it or the sake of my own health but to raise as much money as I could for a very good cause.

And yes I did pay my own sponsor money plus my DIL bought us each a tee shirt knowing that the money raised from the sale also went into the coffers

The point usually isnt that always altruistic when its sport or adventure activities. Most timed/supported races/hikes etc are charity but most people go on them for the challenge/hobby/fitness. Half the time its about the event not the charity that happens to be running it. I take part in several per year & am happy to pay the organising charity but it is a hobby/challenge/fun primarily for most participants. & people should fund their own hobbies IMO.

This isnt relevant to the OP but is to Merlots replies.

I’m sorry Notanan, I don’t think anyone is talking about sponsorship and big donations just a small contribution which most people are happy to give when they know it’s for a good cause like Cancer Research.
Otherwise what’s the point of doing a walk or having a head shave such as Phoenix has done if you can’t make some money for the cause.
When I did the walk for life, an old lady who had been very poorly herself put a £1 coin into my hand and said ‘I hear you are going a walk for charity’ to be honest it made me feel quite tearful

As a survivor of one year, I truly thank you.

My family can support me by taking an interest in my training etc. They are supportive. I dont expect sponsorship

P.s. I quite like a grueling physical challenge. Make sure I can cover my own charity entry donations though.

Supporting each other doesnt need to = sponsoring.

Where did I demand, notanan?

In my family we usually support eachother so I was not out of order to be surprised by my SisIL's attitude.

I also wouldn't describe undertaking a gruelling challenge to raise money for charity as a hobby.

And FYI, the Mighty Hike is self funded.

Im not into funding peoples hobbies Merlot. I often enter charity races and cover the charity and admin fee myself. I get miffed about being asked to fund peoples "charity" adventure sports/holidays.

I would rather give directly to the charities of my choice (and I do). I think you were wrong to expect it from your SIL. & its not tit for tat either, its optional, you should ask (once) not demand, and expect 50:50 chance of a yes or a no. Obviously nos should be polite, but if done nicely there is nothing wrong with saying no

I find people's attitude to charities totally astounding. Slightly off topic but yesterday I was in a local cancer research charity shop. There was a vacuum cleaner standing close to the till. A man went to have a look at it and asked the assistant how much it was. She told him that it had only just come in and so hadn't been PAT tested and she didn't think she could sell it to him until it had been checked for safety. He insisted that he was happy to take the risk and could easily check it himself so, how much did she want for it? The assistant went to speak to the shop manager who came out and said, provided he was prepared to sign that he'd bought it unchecked, he could have it for £5. The man immediately said, "I'll give you £2"! Both assistants argued that it was £5 But the man argued and argued until, eventually, they gave in and accepted £3.
What kind of person wants to haggle a cancer research charity out of £2?

I find some people's attitude where charity donations are concerned quite baffling. When DD did the Mighty Hike along the Jurassic coast in June (also for Macmillan) most of the family immediately supported her via the link which she put on facebook. My sis-in-law, however, completely ignored it despite the fact I've supported both her daughter and grandson with their charity events.

My not so subtle hints on messenger fell on stony ground. I felt like doing a Bob Geldof and typing in shouty capitals, Just give her the f****ng money.

The next morning there was a very generous donation from my brother. He didn't add his wife's name.

As ga said upthread. It's all about supporting the person in their endeavours.

Well I suppose it's up to them whether they give to charity, but no excuse for them being so rude to you phoenix. Why are you still seeing them?

DanniRae giving to every collection going is not compulsary (and at aby given time there is always someone you know collecting for something so its perfectly reasonable to not give to everyone always). There are polite ways to say no and its fine to say no. The issue is how they did it IMO

Thank you. All for the posts, they are appreciated.

TBH, I care not a jot if the donate or not, their money, their choice.

But I'm annoyed by the fact that they openly state that they have decided NOT to donate to charities, but are happy to benefit from them.

BTW, they also proclaim happily that when they get their winter fuel allowance, it goes towards spending money for their annual trip to Australia

You must have been very hurt at their attitude phoenix? I agree with the people who said they would give because it was you doing it even if it wasn't their favourite charity. Personally I couldn't socialise with these people any more knowing that they can sit and look at you, knowing that you had your hair all shaved off for a wonderful charity, and refused to give a penny. I am appalled at their attitude on your behalf and feel and too!! For you xx

I must say that I AM quite selective about which charities I support. Being a registered charity doesn't make an organisation good. There's a whole spectrum.

But they were just rude for rudeness sake.

I do the same as you Grammaretto, am always having ‘sort outs’ for the Cancer Research shop.

Got enough belongings to stock a CR shop of my own but find this a very painless was to donate, and the staff in the shop that I go to in my nearest big city are always so nice.

I have a close family member who is very grateful for all the help they get from CR and Macmillan

I think we all agree YANBU . I admire you. I'm at the cancer clinic often and so impressed with the level of care and the way that the Macmillan cancer support works alongside the NHS seamlessly. We know we and others are getting the best possible care.
I donate through the cancer research shop. That way I can declutter whilst also buying more books, toys and clothes

Well done Phoenix ! Don't think much of your friends they sound pretty selfish and self righteous to me.i am happy to give a donation to friends efforts to fundraiser if I'm asked especially a cancer charity. My son died of Leukaemia 34 years ago as a child and I have always supported Leukaemia Reasearch, now renamed Bloodline. I do a DD to support them every month. I also do a monthly DD to support a child through school in Uganda and hope I'm still alive to support her through. University and medical school as she wants to be a doctor for her country. It gives me a lot of satisfaction and can't quite understand your friends attitude but well done you.

What saddens me is that even if they didn't really want to support the charity I would think that as your friend they would want to support YOU; that the charity is one I'm happy to support is just a bonus
I so agree with you ga - that is exactly why I wanted to support phoenix in braving the shave and it must have been terribly hurtful for her to be turned down by so called 'friends'.