Gransnet forums


Don't usually use the AIBU thread, and still not sure if this is where this post should be!

(46 Posts)
phoenix Sat 11-Aug-18 21:09:17

Hello all, as many will know ( and have very kindly supported me) I have done the "Brave the Shave" for Macmillan Cancer Support.

There are a couple who we meet up with every Saturday lunchtime, have done for some years.

When I told them I was doing this, they made it quite clear that they would NOT support the cause.

e, stating "the money only goes to fund the cars for the executives" shock

So, today, I go in with my number 3 on top, number 2 on the sides and back, to have them make all sorts of remarks (Mr P, you poor thing, having to be seen with her", Phoenix, people will think you're a lesbian! "

But do you know what REALLY makes my bloody furious?

They sit there saying that they don't give to charities because they aren't convinced it gets where it should go, but she has a white roller ball stick, courtesy of RNIB, and gets audio books, again courtesy of RNIB (and has the nerve to complain about the lack of choice!

phoenix Sat 11-Aug-18 21:11:25

Sorry for all the typos blush

Luckygirl Sat 11-Aug-18 21:11:45

Are you sure you want to meet up with these folk every week!!!!

Well done for braving the shave!!!

janeainsworth Sat 11-Aug-18 21:18:43

P give them the names of a few smaller charities that they could support, where the chief execs are paid a relatively modest salary, like Crisis.
Don’t let them spoil your pride in your achievement - jolly well done you smile

muffinthemoo Sat 11-Aug-18 21:24:30

B*gger them wine

Riverwalk Sat 11-Aug-18 21:30:05

It's a bit sad that they don't give to charities …. don't think I know anyone who doesn't give to charity. I'd drop them if I were you!

As for your new look …. I'm thinking Jean Seberg or Sinead O'Connor smile


Willow500 Sat 11-Aug-18 21:32:18

Not unreasonable at all - I'd have been furious too and Mr W would certainly have given them short shrift!!

MissAdventure Sat 11-Aug-18 21:33:45

Miserable swines!
Maybe they feel a bit rotten for being so mean, hence the snippy comments.

Bathsheba Sat 11-Aug-18 21:41:48

Heavens! Hypocrites and double standards immediately spring to mind. I'm not sure I'd want to meet with these people phoenix hmm.
I reckon muffin's got it right wink.

callgirl1 Sat 11-Aug-18 22:18:02

With friends like those, who needs enemies? Ignore them Phoenix.

phoenix Sat 11-Aug-18 22:26:21

Bathsheba you've got it one, it's the double standards that really invade my nasal cavity!

Riverwalk, If I looked a quarter as good as that, I would be a very happy Phoenix! grin

Melanieeastanglia Sat 11-Aug-18 22:33:10

I am happy to give to certain charities and feel that, these days, the money does go to the right place. Obviously, you have to be selective or you would end up giving away all of your money.

Years ago, I think some of the money was hived off in the wrong direction but the legislation these days is, I am told, much stricter.

I like to be optimistic about it anyway. Well done on braving the shave.

PECS Sat 11-Aug-18 22:35:12

Well done for your support for MacMillan. phoenix Whilst some charities appear to spend a deal of cash on infrastructure and admin salaries you can always find their accounts on websites which shows how much spent on charitable works. Have a look at Macmillan to see if you can present 'friends' with facts and figures of the good your fundraising will support.
Sad that people do tend to look for reasons not to support charities. The recent scandals have not helped but for the sake of a few (very) bad apples all the massive good work is sad.

Glitterknitbaby Sat 11-Aug-18 22:42:06

Last year I did Cancer Research walk for life, all my friends, neighbours and acquaintances were so generous, I had set out to raise £50 and ended up with £310. The only refusals was from the members of a monthly group that I had been going to for quite some time who like the people you mention, said no they wouldn’t sponsor me I was quite shocked as I’ve never refused anyone.
When I told OH he said ‘and you spend some of your precious leisure time with these people’
I thought about it and I’ve not not met up with those people from that day to this, do I miss them, no!

phoenix Sat 11-Aug-18 22:50:33

PECS sad to say, that they would take not a jot of notice of that!

merlotgran Sat 11-Aug-18 22:51:45

I think I'd be telling her where to shove her white roller ball stick.

Chewbacca Sat 11-Aug-18 22:52:57

Macmillan and Cancer Research are my 2 favourite charities and I would support them at every opportunity phoenix. I imagine that pretty much everyone either has been personally affected by cancer or has someone dear to them who has been affected. And all of them have felt the benefits that these 2 charities have brought, as a direct result of people like you - who have got out there and actively raised money, or people like me who have donated money. We shall just have to hope that your friends never have the need to draw on Macmillan at any time in their lives, won't we? Because otherwise, they might have to reflect on how they turned their backs on you when you were trying to raise money to help them. Can you tell I'm steaming mad on your behalf?

cornergran Sat 11-Aug-18 23:14:31

I’m saddened at the attitude of your friends phoenix, also infuriated on your behalf. I’m also wondering if you want friendship with people with such a narrow outlook. I always think friends come in concentric circles, from the closest to those way out on the edge. Guess where I’d place these people? My family have had cause to value Macmillan in the past and who knows about the future. I can only hope these people support RNIB and are more sensitive in the way they speak to others. Ignore them, congratulations on braving the shave.

grannyactivist Sun 12-Aug-18 00:06:58

What saddens me is that even if they didn't really want to support the charity I would think that as your friend they would want to support YOU. To be quite candid that's why I sponsored you; that the charity is one I'm happy to support is just a bonus as far as I'm concerned.
My little charity had a big fundraising concert this week and my classical-music loving mother-in-law bought tickets, not because she particularly liked the music, but because she loves to support me.

Greengal Sun 12-Aug-18 00:34:46

Bravo to you, phoenix, for your courage and caring heart!

I think your the couple who refused you have a very sad attitude. However, if they choose not to give to charities, that's their right. What astounds me is how rude they have been to you over this! Perhaps they "protest too much" and are really feeling guilty about their selfishness?

Anyhow, I agree with those who are questioning this so-called "friendship." I think you and DH should at least table it for a while.

Oldwoman70 Sun 12-Aug-18 08:44:45

I think I would ask these "friends" whether they feel guilty accepting things from a charity if they do not donate to it? I would also point out that if everyone thought the way they did she would not have her stick or audio books.

I know from personal experience how difficult it can be to get people to donate to a charity so well done to you for raising money for such a good cause.

Bathsheba Sun 12-Aug-18 09:26:32

What saddens me is that even if they didn't really want to support the charity I would think that as your friend they would want to support YOU; that the charity is one I'm happy to support is just a bonus
I so agree with you ga - that is exactly why I wanted to support phoenix in braving the shave and it must have been terribly hurtful for her to be turned down by so called 'friends'.

TwiceAsNice Sun 12-Aug-18 09:39:13

Well done Phoenix ! Don't think much of your friends they sound pretty selfish and self righteous to me.i am happy to give a donation to friends efforts to fundraiser if I'm asked especially a cancer charity. My son died of Leukaemia 34 years ago as a child and I have always supported Leukaemia Reasearch, now renamed Bloodline. I do a DD to support them every month. I also do a monthly DD to support a child through school in Uganda and hope I'm still alive to support her through. University and medical school as she wants to be a doctor for her country. It gives me a lot of satisfaction and can't quite understand your friends attitude but well done you.

Grammaretto Sun 12-Aug-18 12:55:13

I think we all agree YANBU . I admire you. I'm at the cancer clinic often and so impressed with the level of care and the way that the Macmillan cancer support works alongside the NHS seamlessly. We know we and others are getting the best possible care.
I donate through the cancer research shop. That way I can declutter whilst also buying more books, toys and clothessmile

Glitterknitbaby Sun 12-Aug-18 15:12:14

I do the same as you Grammaretto, am always having ‘sort outs’ for the Cancer Research shop.

Got enough belongings to stock a CR shop of my own but find this a very painless was to donate, and the staff in the shop that I go to in my nearest big city are always so nice.

I have a close family member who is very grateful for all the help they get from CR and Macmillan