AIBU...to expect my friend to leave her dog at home?

It’s not actually all that simple, jura2, as I have explained elsewhere.

I’m amazed how many comments my topic has attracted. Thank you all!

Dogs do smell, but of course the owners are always certain they don't.

As an aside, a few years ago we stayed in a beachside Regency house. The owner told us that since she allowed dogs her occupancy rate had doubled!

Same for B&Bs and Hôtels. No dog- no go, no pay. Happy to pay supplement for dog, and we are of course scrupulously clean and wash paws, etc.

Where our flat is in te UK, we have now compiled a list of cafés and restaurants, pubs- where she is welcome- and they will get our custom and our money.

As a dog owner, I totally respect the wish of others not to want dogs in their home.

But why does it have to be such an issue with you? Just agree to meet in a Café or garden centre, etc, half way, where dogs are allowed? So simple, really.

We have just adopted a 13 year old dog- her son of 11 was put to sleep by the owners and they just left her with us. She is gorgeous and so well behaved, but at the mo, we can't leave her alone for long as she will cry non-stop and then howl like a wolf. So friends will come here, or we will meet half-way at a place where she is welcome.

Just as it is right that dog owners should respect your wish not to have them in your home- you should be tolerant and open enough to agree to meet at theirs, or somewhere else where the dog can come too. As said, simple.

sarahhelenwitney your post reminded me of a time quite a long time ago when we had just brought home two Irish Setter puppies who were 8 weeks old. A couple of days later the window cleaner arrives amd next thing he has let his dachshund from his van to run round my garden. I objected and asked him to put his dogbackin his van please as I had two unvaccinated puppies and didnt want them catching anything. He wasn't too happy about it but if he was letting his dog out in other peoples gardens who knows what it could be picking up.

I have always asked new acquaintances whether they are allergic or object to cats when I invite them for the first time.

If they are allergic, I suggest we meet outside our home, as however carefully I vacuum there are bound to be cat hair around.

If people aren't allergic, they are welcome to come, and we put the cats out if the weather is good, or into another room for the duration of the visit. Obviously, a cat-hater can't very well stay the night here, but otherwise within reasonable limits they are welcome.

Pet owners with a very sentimental attachment to their pets simply do not understand that others do not want to be visited by pets, but by their owners.

It's your house OP, so your rules, but it may well cost you the friendship.

Personally, I find it very inconsiderate of people to inflict their pets on others, but that is just me.

A dog that has not been trained to be alone at home for a few hours, probably cannot be left without whining, soiling floors or destroying furniture, but that is no reason I can see for OP or others being forced to admit the animal to their homes.

Too much affection requires too much care. I could hardly leave my pug alone for more than couple of hours. He was just too attached to me. To each his own maybe.

I'm a dog lover and we have 2 of them. Having said that we never take them visiting unless asked (sister has a dog that likes company lol) Also we shut them out when people visit unless they want to see them. DGC always do. It's just good manners not to inflict your pets on others unless they are comfortable around them

I don’t like other people bringing dogs to my house because they smell. Sometimes dribble and don’t sit quietly. Some even mark ( is that the right mark?) their territory. I have a cockerpoo. She is showered every week. Sits quietly. Doesn’t slobber. Well trained but I only take her to friends if they ask me too.

My cat wouldn't tolerate a dog in the house not even DD's dog (who cat lived with), my cat was DD's before I moved closer to her but that's another story. Cat is very territorial & isn't frightened of dogs.

I grew up in a house with both cats & dogs, I do like dogs but not in my home. I also don't like dogs in cafes etc unless they are well behaved & lie down quietly. DD leaves her dog at home for up to 4 hours, he has a cage in the kitchen with lots of bedding, he often goes in there with the door open when they're at home. She also leaves the radio on when they go out.

I do agree that you should make it clear at the outset that you will not have the dog in the house. When I visit friends who have dogs it isn't a problem for me but I hate to be jumped on & detest people putting their plates down for the dog to eat from

People have such differing attitudes to animals- I'm a cat person: they sleep on my pillow & share my dinner. However I'm not mad on dogs visiting (partly the cats' happiness; partly that they're big, smelly things.) But brother & wife adore their pooch, it accompanies them on holiday etc, so I wouldnt spoil our relationship by complaining if they want to bring it over (cats can stay in bed!)

It isnt about adoring the dog, though.
I adore mine.
Its about a reasonable approach to being able to be without them for short periods of time....without dog (or human!) pining. Or whining.
I appreciate the view that they are family, and can even understand why owners tend to "humanise" their beloved pets, but would they never leave an OH to go out for lunch....or to the cinema?

Have to say mine are usually ecstatic when I am going out. Its one of the times they get a treat.

Of course, there are a few places where she can’t take the dog, but because i’m an old friend she has assumed I won’t mind. She grumbled about a relation who had said that dogs weren’t welcome in her house. I said I thought she had a perfect right to say that. She said “But she’s family!”, as if that made a difference. She simply doesn’t understand the point of view of anyone who doesn’t adore dogs.

Grandma70.I am a pet lover and until recently always had a pet of my own, but draw the line on others bringing their pet into my house . Has anyone had the experience I had of trades people when carrying out exterior work on my property bringing their dogs with them, two in number, expecting me to allow them to wander freely in my garden AND supply them with water?. Why did they not leave their dogs at home. I asked ?, because, I was informed it was not fair leaving the dogs in an empty house. I allowed this once but would not allow it to happen again.

We do usually go out for lunch, but then we have been in the habit of coming back here for coffee and a longer chat. That’s when she assumes she can bring the dog in, not to mention letting him wee and poo in my garden. (She does pick the poo up, but ugh all the same.) Perhaps we should just have shorter visits.

I don't mind people bringing dogs to my home but if other people don't want that then it is perfectly reasonable to refuse to have them but it needs to be said after the FIRST time of it happening. Why do people keep putting up with things and then coming online to moan about it! Just do whatever you feel you want to do straight away!

It seems your lady visitor even has a husband at home too. If he's disabled, she could just leave the kitchen door open and the dog could go in and out at will and would be a companion for him when she's out. What happens when she goes shopping or to the theatre etc. The dog can't go then.

I think that the suggestion that your friend drives to near you, and you both meet in a dog friendly garden centre seems to be a good suggestion. She obviously loves her dog but you don’t need or want to have him in your house, so finding a compromise could work well for you both.

Until we got our lovely friendly smallish rescue dog, I was with the ‘OMG, a dog visiting’ brigade but now, I have an entirely different view! If I go out, I take him with us if I know we are welcome in other houses, or I leave him at home for up to 4-5 hours, or with a neighbour. I never leave him in the car (too many dog thieves about I’m afraid) although I know others do.

When we go to other houses, I keep him with me and on a short lead even when indoors - far too many children are inadvertently rough with him and adults can be thoughtless. He is my dog and MY responsibility.

Dogs can be a joy, but only where they are welcomed. And, of course, humans can do far, far more damage to dogs, than the other way round. ?

I don't dislike dogs. Certainly not. But, nor do I love them or would care to have them in my house, well behaved or otherwise. Would someone please enlighten me as to what would be wrong with asking a friend/visitor to simply tie the animal outside for the duration of the visit? I would certainly pander to basic essentials like water, rug and whatever other comfort items was requested. Would that not be enough to enable a visit? Yesterday I visited a new eatery. Excellent. However, three dogs were present which means, unfortunately, I will not be returning. Don't do the animals in public indoor eating places other than guide dogs, of course.

My dog accompanies me most places but we go in the car and he is left in the car for no more than an hour and a half, so if your chum has a car then why not suggest she leave him/her in the car while you have a chat.

How does your friend get to your house? If by car can the dog be left in It with your friend going out to check or let it have a "toilet" break. Dogs can be left at home. Surely she goes shopping, visit dentist,Drs and not take the dog with her. Ask her how she deals with those occasions highlighting that the dog can be left at home for a few hours. Failing that arrange to meet in a local tea room.

I've lost good friends over this - but NO I am not happy to have your slobbery, frightening dogs ('Don't worry they mean no harm') accompany you on visits - or jump, bark and bash at me when I call. Some people just have no self awareness.

Depends on how much you value your friendship. Seems that this is only a very occasional visit, but of course you have a perfect right to ask her to leave the dog at home. In your shoes I would suggest meeting up for coffee somewhere. Our local garden centre is dog friendly, so might be worth checking out. I do sometimes take my dog on a visit, but would always ask in advance if it is OK.

Training a dog to be left is something that needs to be started as a puppy.

I am a dog owner but never assume he is welcome in other people’s homes it is hardly fair on them. Can you meet elsewhere, perhaps better to just say no often easier.