AIBU...to expect my friend to leave her dog at home?

The one and only time I took my first dog to visit a friend (by her invitation) he cocked his leg up against her Christmas tree and wee'd over all of her wrapped presents.
Never again

I don't think you are being unreasonable in the least. If you wanted the dog you'd have issued an invitation.
I agreed to look after a friend's dog for 3 months while they were in the States. They didn't come back when they said and stayed for a year!!. We liked the dog but were moving house and had to move with the dog. I realised what a tie it was to have a dog in tow. She hated being left at home alone and used to whine loudly. She couldn't be taken out to many places. I just had to meet friends in the park.
I must say it cured me of wanting my own dog.

Weighs nearly the same as my poor OH! - but he doesn't steal food (unfortunately).

He sounds like a handful Muffin but obviously much loved.

For over a decade I’ve owned a six stone Dalmatian with a compulsion to steal any unsupervised food he can reach.

I would only bring him on a visit if I wanted to make absolutely certain I would never be invited back.

I like my dog more than I like a lot of people, would never expect anyone else to. Grandma70 you are definitely not being unreasonable.

I would never dream of taking her to a friends house if she hadn’t been specifically invited , it’s just rude.
My dog has brain damage so has some problems with her manners therefore I ensure anyone I ask to my house is aware of this .If anyone’s not keen on the dog when it’s my turn to host I am happy to meet up elsewhere rather than not reciprocate an invitation we can have coffee out, my shout.

Just to add, I can understand why people have dogs, especially elderly people who need company.

Luckygirl My DH gets annoyed if a dog is bothering us and the owner says 'he won't hurt you'. DH always says 'has he told you that?'. My brother always had dogs and made no attempt to train them. I can remember sitting in his house waiting for them to get ready as we were going out. I had a cup of coffee in my hand and their dog was being a real nuisance. Eventually he nudged my cup and the coffee went all over my white trousers. That was my night out up the swanny. He didn't mean it apparently.

I have a friend who takes her dog everywhere as she considers him to be her "comfort" animal. We meet in dog friendly pubs and cafes.

However, the dog is completely untrained and she insists on having him on her lap and cuddling him all the time, whilst he is always struggling to get down and yapping. On one occasion he was yapping so much the pub landlord actually told her to keep him quiet or leave as other customers were complaining.

I would never dream of taking my dog to someones home,she is left in her bed at home and if we are going to be out more than 3/4hrs my neighbour will pop in and let her out in the garden sometimes she has even taken my dog into her home for a wee bit of company.

If there is one thing that pulls my chain it is misbehaving dogs whose owners just laugh or trot out phrases like: "He's just being friendly" or "Aaw- he really likes you!"

Well, I don't like him!!!!

I had a relative in law who used to bring her dog to our house even though we asked her not to as we had cats which I always shut in another room when we had visitors. The dog was a blinking nuisance, jumping on furniture, knocking things over and even weeing up the side of my sofa!She just thought it was funny!
Then one day my 5 cats somehow got into the room with the dog and became a pack of lions hunting prey! Exit one relative with one very sorry dog! She never brought the dog again!

I am allergic to dogs, all our friends and family know this. Our home has always been a dog free zone. When we visit a home that has a dog I have to take extra medication.

I love dogs though and wish we could have one here, we have up till recently had cats.

Yes, I have put up with it, though it is obvious I’m unhappy about it. Some people just can’t take a hint, or even a direct suggestion. I’ve had enough now.

But NonnaW the OP has clearly stated that her friend won’t go anywhere without her dog (in the singular) so I don’t think she will change.

Presumably then she has brought her dog on all previous visits but now the OP is saying she wants to stop this.

So therein lies the dilemma.

I have 2 dogs and would not dream of taking them to others houses unless specifically invited to do so, and even then I’d think twice. They are fairly well trained but do jump up quite a lot (we failed to train that out of them!) and love stairs (we live in a bungalow so no stairs). They are happy enough left at home with their beds and water bowls. We never leave them for more than 4 hours. We understand the bond with dogs, but we also understand that others don’t want dogs in their home.

Then I was correct in posting that you don’t understand the bond between a dog and a besotted owner. Dogs give unconditional love. They are a child substitute. They don’t judge us. It takes very little to make them happy, a walk, a stroke or food. They don’t talk.

Partners, children are far more demanding and judgemental. Believe me.

I’m not judging you for not understanding that bond G70 it is a very mysterious one I agree.

I would suggest the bond she has with her dog is no stronger than the bond we have with our partners or children (at least I hope not!), but we don’t expect to take them on every visit we make.

My friends and family are happy for me to bring my dogs with me when I visit or we meet up and vice versa. It’s usually only for an hour or so. They are rescue dogs and taking them out and about is part of their rehabilitation.

I do leave them at home when I go shopping as learning to be left is also part of their training. Again for an hour or so.

Any longer and I pay a dog sitter, by the hour.

When I take them to a café or pub they are now learning to sit quietly under the table. Most of the time you’d not know they were there.

I’d suggest that the OP doesn’t understand the bond her ‘friend’ has with her dog as it obviously is her real best friend.

If it bothers you so much OP just tell her it’s either you or the dog.

I do have to say as well that cat owners are often thought less about the behaviour of their pets. Up till a few years ago I was quite phobic about cats, but owners found it amusing when their cats jumped on me and often made no attempt to remove them.
I can't stand the thought of dogs licking plates either, yuk. Our dogs know they are not allowed in the dining room when we are eating and stay on their beds until we have finished, even though there is no door to separate them. The only time they disobey is when they hear the sound of a yoghurt pot top being removed, they love yoghurt.

Some dog owners can hardly believe you don’t love their dog like they do. Well, it depends on the dog. If it’s like a friend’s dog who was completely—ruined— spoilt as a puppy, then no, sorry, I don’t. I dislike being jumped all over, my furniture being scrambled about on, and having to constantly watch out in case I end up wearing my coffee.

She just laughs, while the dog takes absolutely no notice of her at all. I make sure I go there now. The dog is still a pain, but it bothers me less.

I think I have recounted before about my bil and sil who take great offence if we ask them to not bring their dog as it upsets our cats and this is their home.

We asked him to tie it up in the hall while we ate once (they had ignored us again and we blinked first!!) but halfway through the meal he brought the dog in as 'it was unfair ro leave her on her own while we are having a nice time'.

We now add a rider to every invitation and they rarely come here at all.

We do not allow dogs in our house but it has never been a problem because our friends would ask first. One friend was travelling from Scotland to Yorkshire and called in on the way, he was happy to leave his well behaved dog in the secure rear garden.
DH is allergic to cats and dogs.

I wholly agree with sodapop
I also have three Horrible Hounds and would not dream of taking them visiting, other than to DD1 whose elephant of a dog has inexplicably been my spaniels most adored canine friend since they were puppies together. DD1 is also the only person who visits with her dogs....and we both cheerfully put up with the rampaging play, because it is a mutually agreed choice.

It really makes me quite cross that people create separation anxiety in dogs, with this "can't possibly leave it" behaviour. It is entirely the owners fault if they train a dog to be constantly in company, and then the poor thing barks incessantly or is destructive on the inevitable occasions when it must be left.

Sadly, most owners of that sort seem to be completely irrational on the subject so I think it will be a case of offering your friend a straight choice, OP.... no dog, or no visiting.

She’s not a very close friend now, but we go back a long way, to schooldays, and it’s nice to catch up now and again. I don’t invite her. It’s usually her suggestion that she comes here.

She isn’t alone, but her husband is much older than she is and disabled. I’m not sure that he could, for instance, feed the dog or let it outside if it needed to go.

She just worships the dog, and finds it hard to believe that anyone would be indifferent to it. She once said to me “I don’t how anyone could look at that face and not love it”. I can’t say it’s badly behaved, but it’s big (a golden retriever), hairy and a bit smelly, though she;
is quite unaware of that. If I ask her not to bring it, she makes me feel very hard-hearted, and she is the sort of person who takes offence easily.

I think on the whole I’m going to be hard-hearted and just say I’d be glad to see her, but definitely not the dog. There’s always the phone. She may never speak to me again!