AIBU to feel a bit disgruntled?

Mabon1 That is truly heartbreaking. May you find the strength that you are going to need at such a troubled time

My OH and I always buy birthday and Christmas cards together; I write them and he addresses them (well, he prints out the address labels!). Obviously we buy separately for each other.
I understand why you would be peeved that the card giving is so one-sided but maybe you need to agree to do it jointly and drag him off to a card shop!
We seem to have a lot of family birthdays in the same few months so do a 'bulk buy' all at once. Then it's just a job of remembering where you put them!

I never buy Christmas or birthday presents or cards! My wife does that, I get lumbered with other things! At Christmas, I buy all the food and do the cooking on Christmas day for all the family and any friends who have been invited along. Minimum of 12 and could be another half dozen.

After 40 odd years, it's the way we've always done it and it works for us!

In this household my H designs and makes the cards as I request them and then I write and post them. Works well for us. Always joint cards but we are an original pairing which I appreciate makes things simpler.

If the OP's husband has sent a card before it may seem strange. We don't know how long they have been together so don't know the history. Blended family dynamics can be difficult. I do know that if I didnt send cards my husband wouldn't even think of doing so. I don't get one from him for birthdays so this year I did the same. One of my sons does send cards, to me at least, as his wife wouldn't send one. So he does buy 3 cards a year and I expect for her too.

From your post it seems that he does for his own two by taking them to dinner (and you collaborate with cake, gifts, card etc.). It appears also that he makes no similar effort on behalf of your children.

Has your H ever acknowledged your children on their birthday? If not, I think you may be feeling more hurt than annoyed. It would be nice if your H made more of an effort, but I wouldn't expect him to send a card. Men usually avoid having to 'hand' write anything except a signature.

Perhaps you could improve his awareness by including him on speaker phone (or facetime?) when you call to wish a happy birthday!

DH says to me 'did we remember so-and-so's birthday card?!!!

I've always sorted out cards 'from mum and dad' for the whole of our marriage. I've even bought cards for his family and written them out. Been doing that for over 40 years.

icbn2802. Does this daughter live with you and your husband, in which case did he wish her a happy birthday? Or has she left home, in which case I would expect it to be a joint card.

For my grandson who doesn't get many cards, I buy 2 and get my husband to sign one. But more important my husband would facetime my grandson and have a long chat with him on his birthday.

Hmmm OP obviously isn't too impressed with the replies she's getting!

Just read this thread and realised it implies there are men who send birthday cards.
I'm shattered.
I had no idea men even knew where to buy birthday cards.
They are good at signing their names in them but I've always assumed there is some kind of genetic malfunction that prevents them doing anything more.

My husband and I send joint cards, I buy them, write out and my dh signs his name if he is about when they are written if not I just add his name to card. I do make him write out his Mum's card though as she would be disappointed if she saw he had not written it himself and he adds my name. Then I buy stamps and post off. You are probably more upset by your dh not treating your children as well as his own when you go to trouble to treat his children well.

Not for the first time, I am amazed by what posters on GN take for granted! Men don't write cards? We do all the C cards jointly, except for "work" ones when we each do our own. Don't you guys talk to your husbands about this?

Sorry to say this but most men (IMHO) just do not invest in (bother with/notice) these commemorative things. You decide whether to care or not. - Written as one who for 31 years excused husband not 'doing' WA - always excused him, (busy, poorly etc). When same happened after he'd retired the penny dropped - he just does not think of me as I thought he did. Odd feeling to have ones past rewritten. Wish it had never happened - nicer to live with illusion but hey ho.

Sorry answer to question is...no of course not

We sent joint cards...step children or not. Strange

I think you are more bothered than your daughter, as previously mentioned its more usual for a joint card to be sent unless your husband usually sends a separate one?

I think if you are peeved Icbn then that is perfectly valid and I would say its worth mentioning in a more general discussion with your husband about how you deal with birthdays in the family. I think its always worth talking about these things in a non emotional kind of way otherwise it will go on annoying you when it could be cleared up. I must say my kids, who are in their 30s, seem to find cards a rather quaint and bewildering thing that older folks do, and are much more likely to post on Facebook, send a text or an e-mail, or sometimes if we are lucky even phone up! My daughter told me its all too much to have to go to the shop, choose a card, write it, buy a stamp and then walk down to a post box, particularly when she is walking round with her phone in her hand. Of course I still buy her and her OH cards but I doubt they really notice and I am sure they would be just as happy with a text. Like other people who have posted, my OH is oblivious of cards and family birthdays, although he does usually remember mine.

Has there perhaps been a 'custom' of the step parent sending a separate card to emphasise their commitment to/acceptance of the step ' child '?

We always sent a joint card to my three sons.

I too am feeling upset because my daughter in law is dying of cancer, they have a 10 year old son. Get off your backside and be thankful for what you have icbn2862.

Goodness, my husband hasn't sent a birthday card or Christmas card since I met him. It's always a joint card from mum and dad when it's our childrens birthdays. Don't sweat the small stuff!

AIBU to feel a bit disgruntled?

No definitely not.

This isn't really about whether men do or don't bother to buy cards although as adults I'd assume they are just as capable of doing it as a woman is but often choose not to.

Maybe its more about the fact that Ichn (who may well have been frightened away by now by many posters being so astonished) puts in quite a bit of effort making a cake and buying a present & card for her hubands children whereas he doesn't appear to reciprocate. I'd certainly feel hurt and resentful in the same situation. Life isn't always fair but it seem particularly unfair that the children are treated differently when it would be so easy to do the same for all of them.

Have you spoken to your DH about this difference in treatment op?

If he's happy with the status quo maybe it's ok for you not to bother so much with your step childrens birthdays ~ perhaps a cake is quite enough and instead keep the money to put towards your childrens birthdays instead.

icbn, If it gives you pleasure to give a small gift or card to whomever that's fine but it doesn't mean other people have to follow suit. On the whole men don't do cards etc very well and increasingly neither do women. I do think you are getting your knickers in a knot about nothing. Listen to what your 'inner daughter' is saying to you.

Maybe Ichn will come back and give us an update? Or will they?