He chucked my stuff out!!

I don't suppose you can throw it out with the rubbish?
Ooh, red rags etc Rufus !!

spabbygirl I would wait and see how it all settles down and how you feel later when you are not so emotional. If it's any consolation, DH moans about my 'rubbish' but his 'treasures' are all useful

Oh Dear: Sorry about this. Really got my wires crossed. I've managed to copy it to its intended thread, but I may need assistance from HQ to remove this incriminating evidence, unless you're prepared to ignore it. I don't suppose you can throw it out with the rubbish?

One clue F (have)

Jane10, POGS; Good Afternoon; batteries re-charged and raring to go! Reply from Bletchley Park to point out you made a critical error in attempting to assist, in that F should be pronounced "Eff, not "have". which combined with 9 (nein) conveys the pidgin German meaning better. Prove it by saying it out loud, with meaning!
That's what threw me.
I wasn't a Dill after all!

thanks for that all, it has been such a help. the dogs rarely occupy all the beds, they're either on the sofa with us or or on our bed, they are much loved and have plenty of places for sleep & cuddles. It was very rude and insensitive of hubby, especially since I had suggested putting it in the garage. It was a fabric like a glorious old Sanderson style, and for the fabric addicts like myself, you can make something out of the tiniest scraps! Hubby will find himself presented with a large bill when I find a replacement, & if he does it again I will be moving out, I don't want to live with someone who cannot respect my space. He's just as bad with clutter and we have had a half finished kitchen floor tiling job, living with each others half finished jobs is just one of those things in a busy household I reckon. Thanks so much all!!

So sorry about your loss.
If the dog bed was truly shredded, better to get a new one anyway. I’m also guilty of quietly chucking out stuff from the house when no one is looking.

Not sure this is about the be but maybe about the lack of respect/care for your wishes that ou had expressed. I do think your sadness over your Mum might be making this seem so important at the moment though. I would leave for a little while and then discuss with him why he thought it was ok to ignore your express wishes and how to avoid such a situation arising again.

You could be projecting your feelings about your Mum onto the dog bed - the feelings of loss, and naturally blaming DH.

If he's apologised try and put it behind you. And buy a new dog bed!

Firstly, I'm sorry that you've had a lot on your plate recently and I hope you have people you can talk you through it and give ongoing support
Secondly, I think that your anger re the dog-bed is partly fuelled by your angst at losing your mother, which is natural.
Have you got a dog and does it have a new bed? If so, I can see that having 2 in a small space might be unworkable.
I think the crux of the matter is your recent bereavement and you can see that as a double loss because of a well loved mother...and the loss of an item which became a familiar part of your home.
Men often don't get attached to items in the home, not like we women. Forgive him and explain the loss to you, was more than just a tatty dog bed.
Be kind to yourself and good wishes going forward.

Yes Telly i did wonder where dogs sleeping,as if it was still on the old tattered bed he maybe wouldnt have just thrown it out?-also if he chucked it out weeks ago dog must have found a new comfy place to kip by now.

Treat the dog to a new one!

Yes i agree with others- youve just lost your mum,youve a lot on youre plate right now.I know, i lost my mum almost 21 years ago and still miss her terribly.But please dont make any rash descisions regarding your hubby.youve enough to handle without a split/divorce as well! Its possible he thought he was geniunely helping,as he knew youve a lot on and may not have had time or inclination to get around to repairing dog bed too.lets face it how often have we all said "ill get round to it" over something but never really had time?Or even felt up to it?Is it the last straw as he doesnt appear to be helping you with real stuff you need help with from him,like your mums death&probate etc?Give him a second chance- Tell him he has to go out& replace dog bed with a new one,out of his own pocket- and the dog might thank you for it too!Then calmly thank him when hes got it.And sit down and ask him for any real help you need from him right now.Let him help you,as it doesnt get easier so soon after bereavement.But later on if YOU think you need it,then seek out a bereavement counsellor,and if you need him ask your hubby to go with you.Dont rush into anything.And dont let it overwelm you.

Anybody else wondering where the dog is actually sleeping?

Sorry for your loss.
I think that probably both you and your husband were “right” each in your own way. The bed was “owned” by the dog and therefore belonged to both of you. You thought you could keep it and repair it, he was seeing only “ready for the bin”. He didn’t attach any significance to it, you did. Your reaction to it being thrown out would have been annoyance normally but gained huge significance due to your heightened emotional state? Probably merited a peeved discussion, soon forgotten, in normal circumstances but has produced an emotional response probably linked to your feelings of loss and grief. I would say try and get it into perspective and forgive, then forget.
Losing a parent is hard.

but one dog bed got thrown out grannygranby …..
I am just thinking about having five dogs in such a small house as this

I agree Marianne I am a bit confused OP said earlier:
‘we have 4 dog beds for our 5 dogs who are rather spoilt’
I think every dog should have a bed of it’s own.

Doesn’t the dog’s Bed belong to the dog and not you, surely the dogs belong to you both. Unless of course you sleep in the dogs bed.

If DH often chucks your stuff out, then that is def an issue here. If it’s just the bed, then it’s your sad loss that’s making you oversensitive, give yourself time ?

Sorry about your Mum.

I'm with you on this. Took me years to train husband not to throw stuff away, but it seems to be something men do. Worse here because it was YOUR STUFF.

I am glad you feel better about it all now

I'm so sorry for your loss.
I know we sometimes have to make allowances for men but your DH should be sheepish. You did talk about the bed and you said he could put it in the garage. He was thoughtless. You might have let it go yourself later but that was not his choice to make and rotten timing.
I'm decluttering but would never throw away something that's not mine. It may be gathered and dumped in a pile in their space but that's all.
You'll be in a state for a while so allow yourself to flop and rest and leave everything that might be on your mind on a written list. Losing a mother is tough x

'Sorry to hear of your loss - this is sure to make you feel exhausted, and as if every nerve end is jangling. Try to not take on anything at all until you feel stronger and calmer. Be kind to yourself, and if you can be kind to the dog bed flinger; he may well be regretting it now.

If you are horder. This might get worst with your mum passing. As grief can kick it into a hole new level.

I would imagine your emotions will be ragged atm Spabbygirl but insensitive and disrespectful of him nevertheless. My parents’ much treasured wedding photos and my degree certificate both went the same way ......hmmm!

Sorry to hear of your bereavement. Sending hugs.

I was having a stressful time - though not as stressful as yours, moving house - and when I had unpacked the boxes, I found he had taken some of by adult children's momentoes to the tip. The writing was on the wall.

Please don't do anything hasty. More hugs.

So sorry about your mum. Regarding the dog bed, I'd have been annoyed too. It doesn't matter what condition it was in, it meant something to you and he should have consulted you before throwing it out. More the principle then the action,

Get over it - it was a dog bed and sounds to me a bit of a wreck. You are being totally unreasonable.