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AIBU

AIBU to want a new home and an expensive holiday?

(64 Posts)
HomeOrAway Wed 12-Sep-18 18:06:48

DH and I are in our early 60s, and thankfully we are reasonably fit and well. Several months ago, we booked a really exciting holiday for early January (a week in Lapland, complete with log cabin, husky sledging, snowmobiling etc, not to mention the possibility of the northern lights - just the two of us). It’s already an expensive trip, so we have opted for the cheaper early January time rather than Christmas or New Year. We’ve paid a £300 deposit, which we will lose if we cancel before the end of September, but if we cancel after that we will lose a lot more.

Since making the booking, my mother has become ill, and we have decided to move to her part of the country in order to give her more support (and maybe even care for her in our new home if it comes to that). So we now have the cost of the move to take into account, and all the related expenses like decorating, furnishing and so on. Technically we can still just about afford the holiday, but something seems very wrong about forking out that much on top of the move, and I don’t want us to suffer in the future as a result. On the other hand, we are now at the age where I have to question how much longer we will be able to do such things easily, so from that point of view I want to go ahead with the trip now. It has been going round and round in my head and I can’t come to a decision.

I realise that we are in a privileged position to even have the option, but we have worked very hard for our money over the years and we don’t spend on much else at all.

Would you throw caution to the wind and go, or be sensible and stay at home in the new house? I would really appreciate other points of view on this.

GabriellaG Sun 16-Sep-18 00:53:07

Why didn't you consider moving your mother up to your area, possibly moving in with you? Then she could sell her house and perhaps you could convert your garage or add an extension at a later date, after your holiday. Meantime, your mother could rent an assisted living property near to you so that she has some help for the week you are away.
It saves you buying new furniture (don't you have any to take with you?) and the aggro of selling your home and buying another in a short window of time.

annep Sat 15-Sep-18 22:33:00

Pensionpat I'm pretty sure if you earn over £120 pw you won't get it.

CW52 Sat 15-Sep-18 21:52:08

Please GO! It’s the most amazing experience and one you will never forget. It’s your life and you/we never know how long we have left. 🙄 (I can provide many examples if you need them 😳).

pensionpat Sat 15-Sep-18 16:58:40

Neither Attendance Allowance (claimed by the person with health condition) nor Carers Allowance is means tested. Although if you are in receipt of a state pension you can’t claim Carers Allowance.

annep Sat 15-Sep-18 14:30:09

Go...while you can! No one knows the future. I have left it too late to do some things. ( incidentally pretty sure carers allowance is means tested- someone mentioned it)
Hope you have a lovely time.

Bijou Sat 15-Sep-18 12:17:18

Go . My husband and I spent money on camping and caravanning rather than the house. After he died I went on coach holidays until arthritis stopped me. My home is shabby but I have a comfortable chair and bed and pleased that I travelled whilst could.

wondergran Sat 15-Sep-18 10:55:21

Go and have a wonderful time....you have lots of stress ahead with the move and caring for your mother so go and recharge your batteries while you can; it may not be so easy to do in the years ahead.

graninthemist Sat 15-Sep-18 08:25:40

Me again. Four years ago we had a holiday booked with Canterbury travel to go to Lapland at Christmas with our daughter, son-in-law and granddaughter. Disaster struck a few days before departure: I was admitted to hospital with suspected bowel cancer, and my husband and I were forced to cancel. After some exploratory surgery, I was told the day before we were due to leave that I could travel after all, and my husband and the travel agent pulled out all the stops to make it happen. What a wonderful time we had: unforgettable! No Northern lights as there was too much light pollution, but a truly magical holiday. Please go and enjoy.😊

graninthemist Sat 15-Sep-18 08:11:17

We are in the same boat as you because my husband has PD, and we have holidays booked into next year because we still have places to see. Hope you can keep travelling too.😊

Stella14 Fri 14-Sep-18 21:26:02

I completely agree with Eglantine21. Travelling is wonderful and worth every penny to me. Hubby and I enjoy reminiscing about past trips. The memories so good. I say, go, and have a wonderful time 🙂

Apricity Fri 14-Sep-18 18:59:48

Go and enjoy the trip. Don't feel guilty, think of the trip as a reward for being such a caring couple that you were prepared to move to a new area to look after and support your mother. Hopefully you will be reasonably settled in your new house by the time you leave. You can't guarantee seeing the Northern Lights (I was unlucky on my attempts) but the trip sounds amazing. You will always regret it if you don't go and it's only a week. Bon voyage.

Shazmo24 Fri 14-Sep-18 18:05:44

Just go or you will feel resentful towards the move & may even towards your mum.
You don't know when you will have the opportunity to do another trip so just go & enjoy

Barmeyoldbat Fri 14-Sep-18 17:44:40

go, go, go. You will regret fit if you dont.

NfkDumpling Fri 14-Sep-18 17:36:46

We went for one week on the Hurtigruten ferry trip last winter and saw the Northern Lights on the last evening. We would have stayed up if we hadn’t been travelling home the next day as apparently they get better as the night goes on. It was an incredible experience. The glow was all around us and gave a wonderful feeling of euphoric calm.

Caro57 Fri 14-Sep-18 17:10:23

Go - went on similar a while back - no Northern Lights but fantastic fun. You have the rest of your lives in a different home and a lot of work ahead of you - enjoy!!

chrissyh Fri 14-Sep-18 16:52:16

Having, suddenly, just lost a very dear friend it has reinforced my and my DH's philosophy, that you do what you want, when you can, as tomorrow isn't promised. As you moved your mum near to you to give her more support, and with her health most probably worsening, you may not be able to go away later. You say you can technically afford it so go and have a brilliant time.

Sallyann51 Fri 14-Sep-18 16:39:09

Go. Life is too short not to.

Kittye Fri 14-Sep-18 16:34:15

Sounds a fabulous holiday , you must go or I think you'll regret it in the future if you don't. Go and enjoy it.

Daisyboots Fri 14-Sep-18 16:04:42

Yes do go. You are the perfect age for travelling now. If you do end up looking after your Mother in your home it is likely to put a curb on travelling for a while. We had my mother live with us for 11 years which I dont regret but it certainly put a brake on our getting away to travel. She died when I was 70 but of course now it's more difficult to travel to some places. The travel insurance is so much higher now and we are not as fit as we were 10 years ago. I think I would love the holiday you describe too.

labazs Fri 14-Sep-18 15:59:13

if you dont go you will always regret it i am guessing your mother will be ok while you are away its still early days re looking after her if you can move and go on holiday go for it

B9exchange Fri 14-Sep-18 15:58:06

So glad you have decided to go, you really won't regret it. We have tried twice to see the Northern Lights and they have failed to appear, but the rest is unforgettable. On the dog sledding I hadn't realised my husband had lost control and fallen off (I was lying wrapped in furs on the sled in front of him) but the dogs just follow the others, and he did manage to climb back on. Snowmobiles through the snowy forest at night are again something you will never forget. Our reindeer had a mind of its own, but when all chained together, we followed the pack with the chin of the little reindeer pulling the sleigh behind resting on my shoulder. Our chalet was beautifully warm with its own sauna, the food was very good, you will come back really energised!

grandtanteJE65 Fri 14-Sep-18 15:57:18

Go and enjoy yourselves! If necessary use less on redecorating the new house. You can do so next year or the one after. And you can pick up a lot of good furniture cheap in charity shops, or at jumble sales.

PECS Fri 14-Sep-18 15:46:38

Go! As my happy & well travelled friend says better to die owing a million than having it in the bank!

tigger Fri 14-Sep-18 15:39:01

As a friend used to say "just a short sharp pain in the wallet".

Cobweb01 Fri 14-Sep-18 15:35:58

As someone who spent 4 years caring for both my parents, I urge you to go while you can, as the opportunity may never arise again. You will be caring for your mum for possibly a long time and it doesn't always leave much time for anything else - much as you love her it can be very hard and draining mentally and physically (depending on the reason for care and how much is needed, of course). Go, enjoy every minute,just the two of you, and then put all your energy into the move and your new life. Have fun and don't forget to always look afer yourself.