I was a young carer to my mother who had physical disabilities. She did everything possible to make sure I didn’t see myself as her carer, and gave me all the opportunities that were possible. I don’t think I even thought of myself as a carer. I was just the person who did things that she couldn’t do, like helping her to get dressed, feeding her, doing the shopping.
I think it was only when I became a mum that I realised that this wasn’t how most mother/child relationships worked and how very different my growing up had been. She never said you can’t but there were decisions I made independently about my life that were based on her needs.
She never even knew about most of the things that I turned down because I knew she needed me. From saying no to being in the school hockey team to no to the boyfriend who wanted to me to go to Canada.
I made those decisions for myself, I did it for love and I don’t regret it but I know it made me fiercely determined that my children should enjoy the freedom that I never realised I didn’t have.
Maybe motherhood has made your daughter realise that her life has been very restricted and she wants something very different for her own child?
I think the time has come to realise that she can’t meet your needs any more.
If you can let her go without bitterness, be happy for her, just maintain occasional contact, she may be able to find a way back.
Eglantine21 Fri 28-Sep-18 12:18:35
DeedeeG1970 Fri 28-Sep-18 11:22:06
Day6 Thu 27-Sep-18 18:13:03
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FarNorth Thu 20-Sep-18 19:39:02
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Anniebach Thu 20-Sep-18 17:32:08
DeedeeG1970 Thu 20-Sep-18 16:49:07
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DeedeeG1970 Thu 20-Sep-18 14:40:28