Fear for Daughters Labour

I totally understand how you feel basslady I was exactly the same with my DD when she had her babies but she was a natural when it came to childbirth.
My DIL who was expecting at the exact same time as gillybob's DD was classed as an older new mum at 35 and the poor girl had an emergency c-section and it was only after I was told this did I go to pieces with worry for her,5mths on and we also have a beautiful baby girl.
Filling up their freezer is the best gift you do for them it will take untold pressure off them as they ajust to their new addition. enjoy your DGD xx

I've just seen my daughter for the last time before she gives birth in a month, 250 miles away, and I feel a little teary, as part of me longs to be with her and is faintly hurt not to have been asked, yet I know it's a special time for her and her husband, they don't need me, and I wouldn't have wanted my mother anywhere near me when in labour! I am a worrier and DD is a haemophilia carrier so could have bleeding problems, so it will be interesting to see whether they let us know when labour begins.

First, basslady, let me say, it's refreshing to hear from a mum who doesn't really want to know about her dd's labour. So often one hears of a mum or mil who's offended that she wasn't called the minute labour began or invited to be in the delivery room. Good for you for caring more about the mum-to-be than yourself!

I think you've been given a lot of good advice here. I'm glad you're going to take on a knitting project or something. And I truly hope they don't tell you when dd goes into hospital, unless she feels she needs you there. Otherwise, I hope they don't call you till baby is actually here.

I know it's hard to think of dd going through labour. Been there with my own dd and know how it feels. One of the things that helped me was to remember that, hey, I got through it , and if I could, so could she. Maybe that will work for you, too.

Meanwhile, congratulations to all on the coming baby! Once baby is here, there will, I'm sure, be much joy!

It seems unthinkable to say only be told when it's all over, and mum and baby are safely tucked up but, it's not a bad suggestion. My own dd had the most terrible labour (all ended beautifully) and my mind was in turmoil for 3 days. It didn't help that I'm on my own and, because her blood wasn't clotting, I thought we had lost her. In the end I rang the hospital, expecting to speak sensibly but, as soon as the midwife spoke I blurted out "I think my daughters bleed to death". oh the shame of it! Thankfully I had the most wonderful human being speaking to me and she reassured me everything was just fine.
I can honestly say I never thought to tell them to not inform me but, in the event of a second baby, I will do so.
Basslady , I wish you and your dd the very best of luck.

I have 5 grown up kids. Oldest 3 lads married and I have 2 grandchildren. I get on with my dils and love them to bits but the thought of my own 2 dds going through labour is different.

I get you op.

My dd will be induced. I have very little to do with anything during this pregnancy as her husband's mother has taken over. She has been present at pretty much all the scans and other hospital appointments, will be looking after my dgd during the event and will be first to see the new arrivals. This woman always has to come first, is very competitive with regard to my dgd and has attempted to take over everything. She even told my dd that she was insulted that she hadn't been present when she picked out her wedding dress and that all my dd had needed was my credit card!

All seven of my grandkids were born overseas in various countries so it was a matter of just waiting for a phone call ?

I think there are some very good ideas on here for occupying your mind and for letting you know when it is all over. I was at the hospital immediately after the births of my two oldest DGC at the request of my DS's which was quite magical. After that I have been caring for siblings while Mums gave birth, then visited as soon as was convenient. My oldest DS and partner are expecting DGC number 6 in March and strangely enough I am more worried about them than I have been with the others, maybe because they are older. Perhaps this time I will request to be informed when it is over!! What will be will be but a new life is so exciting!!

I was with my DD when she had her DD - one of the magic moments of my life. I was happier being there, than I would have been in the waiting room - knowing what was happening was very comforting. Best wishes to you and your family !

My DD2 asked me to be with her during her labour in hospital withmy first DGC so was with her all the way including driving her to hospital as her partner had left for work and was stuck on the M25!
With her 2nd baby, who was early, I was in hospital and knew nothing at all until my DH came at visiting time to tell me!

DD1 just wanted her DH with her for a home birth.

DD1 said she would let me know when the midwives arrived and that her DH would call when she was ready for us to pop in to say hello! We got the call to say come round and say hello to a new grandson about 2 hours after he had been born. Same with her second son.

I guess I just did not worry other than checking my watch every so often. Maybe because I hade been with DD2 through her (protracted) labour I worried less.

I think the ideas for keeping your mind busy are helpful though!

Just say ring me if you want when you go in. Then it's up to her but my DIL was 2 days starting and stopping even went out for McDonald's half way through lol

My dgs was born on the last possible day as nearly 3 weeks overdue by the time he was born I would have been relieved if she had given birth to a puppy!
It`s extremely likely that all will be well good luck.

I just wanted to say to basslady that it is really thoughtful and considerate of you to think about this in advance., I have given birth twice in the last two years and both times I preferred not to have the stress of worrying about constantly updating close family, particularly after the birth when I was finding recovery difficult and it was emotionally draining having to call round various family members and tell the whole sorry tale over and over. I would just stress to your daughter that you want to be there for her when she needs you, but you also don't want to push any extra stress onto her by needing constant updates etc. The ideas people have given to distract you would be a lovely and welcome touch, I'm sure. I found cross stitch a great distraction and quite easy to produce something nice quickly. I wish you and your daughter all the best.

Batch cooking is a wonderful gift for new parents.

Depending on what's available and what you know they like, you might see about getting a cake mix and making that up. Or, you could purchase a cake. You might think about getting a "0" number candle and asking if they would like you to put it on the cake to celebrate the new baby. (Just make sure you ask about the candle first - some parents like to do this themselves.)

Thank you all for the good advice. I will start some crochet or knitting and go for a walk if I know or just keep praying and thinking positive thoughts until I get “the call ! “ Have been batch cooking today so I can give them some good food for when they come home. I might even try a cake ? but Im not a good baker.

I think a good solution would be for them to do what we did and not tell anyone I was even in labour! We just told them that DD had arrived safely and we were all well. That way you're not sat at home thinking "oh it's be hours" or "it's taking too long"

I think it very sensible and sensitive to recognise that you need to contain your own worry and leave your daughter to manage her labour and support as she wishes.
I think the suggestion about knitting (or of course, crochet) a very good one. Another is to go out for a good walk with a good friend who will understand both your anxiety and your need to manage it.

I can tell you the 'other point of view' if you would find it helpful. We had told our son that we really didn't need to know the details of labour etc., not even to tell us that DDiL was in labour - only to do what was helpful for them. What we did was take 'venting' phone calls from him as he tried to manage his MiL, who was anxious & distressed. This 'other granny' is a lovely kind woman who did not mean to add to the anxiety, but once she knew her daughter was in labour, couldn't help turning up at the hospital, demanding to be kept informed, questioning everything etc. Afterwards she recognised that she had been unhelpful, so second time around asked not to be informed (unless needed for childcare, in which case she would be occupied!). It actually worked extremely well as child went to nursery as usual when DDiL was in early labour, and by the time her mum was needed to collect from nursery, she had just given birth.
I do hope all goes well for you all.

Sympathies, OP! I think you're almost bound to worry, at least if you're anything like me. I knew I'd be in such a tizz with dd's first, I asked not to know until it was all over. And just as well, since she did have a hard time, but her dh was there throughout. After all, there would have been nothing I could do (except worry!) anyway.

Because the first had not been easy, I was in a serious tizz when she went into labour with no. 2 only 15 months later - couldn't avoid knowing since we were there after looking after no. 1 for the day. Thank goodness that one was very quick and easy - she only just made it to the hospital.
I do hope your worries will be needless.

Do you knit. There are very simple garter stitch patterns. Trying to finish and sew up the garment for a deadline could keep your hands busy and stop you pacing. Or garden. Or bake. Otherwise your worry reflects the depth of your love for her and that is a lovely thing.?

tell them to call you when its over.My late mum was a worrier ,my dads mantra was "dont worry your mother",so we never told her when I was in labour.

Only worry about the things you can change. To do otherwise is stressful and emotionally draining and achieves little.

I would second asking not to be told unless they need you.

Unless they've asked you to come to hospital, don't just "rush in" as soon as you hear the baby is born. They may want some time to themselves.

It may be helpful to have some sort of "labour project". If you're crafty you could knit, crochet, or sew something for the new baby, for example. My aunt had her mother present during labour. Her mum loves to quilt and had brought in a quilt to work on. My cousin was born so fast my aunt's mum didn't have time to leave the room. The quilt she was working on now hangs on my aunt and uncle's wall and my aunt can point out the square her mum was making when my cousin was born!

Oh how I feel for you - I have several DDs and their births were anything but easy, all 7 babes born from back-toback labours and one with full-blown pre-eclampsia which the midwife refused to recognise - she said she thought the BP machine was out of order (!) while my dear lass was lying there with arms and legs like massive sausages and covered in a rash - silly bloody woman!!!

OK - horror stories over!! All 7 babes were just fine and all of the DDs too - I really think I would have coped better if I simply had had no idea what was going on and just received "the call."

I do know how hard it is when it is your own DD and I do not think you are being silly. Just think ahead to that happy moment when you will be cuddling that new little one. Keep us posted!

When DD had an emergency Caesarian at 30 weeks I knew nothing until the next morning. Her DH, after a difficult night for them both, phoned me in the morning. I know he did the right thing.
All families are different but we should be prepared to fit in with what the parents want even if their wishes don't coincide with ours.

If you don't know that she will want you with her, then I would not ask to be told when labour starts.
Having been through this scenario several times now, the best ones were just being phoned to be told "you have a new grandchild."

ninathenana is right, not knowing timings definitely helps.