Internet safety

I do think the comments saying just look for another job are rough, because this involves abandoning a child the OP has cared for over four years to their fate.

Glammagran there are situations - and that applied typically to the children of royalty, where the nanny stays in the family for years and years and becomes a proper mother figure to the child - and retains a close relationship into adulthood. I think if this bond is allowed to develop then it's not really so sad at all.

I think as a professional nanny you should try and get your message across to parents without loosing control.
I'm sure this is totally close to your heart and you have a need to protect children I understand that.
Education is the answer unfortunately parents have the right to bring their children up as they wish and you have no say in the matter unless they ask for advice.
The only time you should step in is if a child is in imminent danger.

I’m only holiday in Dom Rep atm and funnily enough have been chatting to a nanny of 20 years standing. She said one of posts involved herself and s team of nannies caring for the children of extremely rich clients. She said sometimes the children didn’t see their parents at all for days at a time. How very sad is that!!

Maddcow I feel for you! I just do not know how Nannies survive especially today! In my experience, my friends' DCh are taught how to bring up their children by their Nanny! Bluebell is right of course, you must keep a polite relationship with your employers, but I would still have to put in place a few "Nanny's Rules" about safety especially - you can't negotiate on that! As for TV and computers, I would try and tell them what your professional advice is, and say you insist on a certain amount of time in the fresh air and for other interests.

My first career was as a teacher, it was easier to say "That is how we do it in School" than for a Nanny working in their employers' own home.

If you cannot agree, I would tell them they would have to find another Nanny as you cannot reduce your standards.

Wishing you the best of luck!

Could you take to your charge about the dangers involved? Children really like to know that an adult is looking out for them.

I see you say your age is only a bit adrift from the parents, its just possible they don't quite realise all the possibilities of leaving him to do what he wants on line. It might be time to look for a family with younger children, its very difficult for you to do your work with no support from them.

if you have been a nanny for 40 years, and perhaps started at age 20....you must be in your late 50's now. These parents are of a different generation and see things differently.

I suppose all you can do is state your point of view to them.

Gramma I would also like some info of what your son put in place if possible

Maddcow. I too am a nanny ,with the same family for 11yrs. Parents and I are almost always on the same page and if not we listen to each other then the parent makes the decision. Not me. We have respect for one another and by the sound of it your parents don't. I'd be looking for something else jobwise.

Gramma - it sounds as if your SiL has a good system in place to supervise his children online. What is it, please?

The 8 year old needs advice about not sharing information with unknown people without becoming overly scared. How did she get in touch with the person she was chatting with? From what you say it could have been anyone.

I guess her brother was just winding her up, being deprived of his tablet for a while won't hurt him and may make him be a bit kinder to his sister.

Fennel - my first thought was that the parents may have felt guilty. Possibly they've already argued about their son's screen time and use and overreacted to having the OP bring the subject up. Although screen time should of course be limited more important is what the boy is actually doing online.

Your counsel has already fallen on deaf ears and caused a row, so I wouldn't risk going for round two and getting fired.

You are their employee. That means that while you are 'on their clock' so to speak, you are bound by your employers' rules. If they deemed it OK for their child to enjoy endless hours of screen time, then you need to abide by that, whether you agree with it or not.

So the way I see it, you have several options.... Mind your tongue, Look the other way. Keep your job. You can also maintain above options if you decide to search quietly for a new job. If and when you get hired and as you prepare to walk out the door, consider talking some sense into those fools one last time, blazing row or not!

I am entirely with you on this, maddcow and I think Fennel is making a valid point as to why the parents reacted as they did.

If this is the first time they have blown up when you have expressed a concern then I think in your place I would try to let it go.

If not, you might want to consider waiting til they have cooled down then asking them for a talk where you can fix some guidelines or a job description. Frankly, IMO, any parents who employ a nanny are likely to expect her to bring up their child, so I don't understand why they blew up, unless they were just having a bad day.

I assume they employ you because they don't have the time to be at home with their son after school. If they often have felt you are interfering then even although the child will undoubtedly be hurt if you leave, you may have to. Conflict between his parents and you will do harm too.

It sounds to me like you are not compatible with this family and they need a nanny more in tune with their views on how to bring up a child. I am sure it won't be hard for you to find a new position with a family who will appreciate your policies more.

It sounds as if the parents could have reacted like that because of guilt.
They perhaps know at the back of their minds that the boy shouldn't be spending so much time online, but are too busy to do anything about it themselves.
If they really care about him they might have a re-think. He must be fond of you by now and would be upset if you left.

Maddcow. He who pays the piper calls the tune. This was unsolicited advice on your part that went down like a lead balloon. Much as you dislike what you observe if the parents approve let it go.

No Maddcow you are not being unreasonable to hope, beleive that parents have control over their children’s screen time.But you are being unreasonable to assume parental control. Are you a nanny at the home or in your home, if in his own that is definitely a decision for the parents, if in your home you may be in a more authoritative position to restrict the time allowed.

I would not be happy with an 8 yr old being able to go online, games on an IPod not online, too much risk. Giving children boundaries and restrictions is all part of growing up, letting them have Carte Blanche with everything is not good parenting.

my 8 yr old gd is currently in big trouble with her parents. My SIL set up something on their tablets so that he gets an email with ALL websites visited and any communication with others. He set them up with the games they wanted and kids youtube . SO our GD the other day.. was chatting with someone.. it was innocent (we hope) hi my name is..what is yours..my daddys name is..what is your daddies name..and so forth..innocent on the surface. But my GD has lost her tablet for a month. Her brother has been rubbing it in that he still has his..so i took it away this morning much to his dismay..hahaahaha. mean gramma here

Technically, you're correct. A child ought not to have no restrictions with screen time but I guess he is their child and, ultimately, it's up to them.

Well Maddcow your second post is the complete reverse of what you said originally in your first post you said I had a blazing row today in your second post you say you were calm and apologetic so obviously the second post puts a whole different meaning to it all

Before I retired from teaching, I was IT co-coordinator for my school and very much involved in piloting LA initiatives regarding Internet safety.
Every year, at the Primary 1 induction day, I had to deliver a presentation to the P1 parents on Internet safety. It never ceased to amaze me how naive some parents were, few parents were aware of parental controls.
Despite all our initiatives, some parents of older pupils allowed them to go online unsupervised, have under age Facebook accounts, film themselves in their bedroom and then upload the films to You Tube, which gave away their identity and where they lived.
They had no idea what their children were doing ( other pupils told us) until we alerted them.
Maddcow, could you perhaps direct them towards: www.thinkuknow.co.uk
They are lucky to have someone like you looking after their child.

They are unreasonable and obviously don't understand the risks. Unless something nasty happens like someone sending him creepy messages they won't take it seriously. I would look for another job as previous poster suggested as if anything goes wrong they will probably blame you

No Madd on the basis of that information they are being thoroughly unreasonable.

You have cared for this child more than half his life. They have to expect and respect your interest in his welfare.

I think I'd be looking for another job!