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Internet safety

(34 Posts)
Maddcow Mon 08-Oct-18 14:33:21

AIBU to expect parents to control their offspring’s screen time/safety etc? I write this as a nanny (nursery nurse) for a 10 year old boy with whose parents I had a blazing row today as there are no restrictions in place re what he watches/plays or for how long. I am only a few years older than them, with two grown up kids & a 3 yo GS & I’ve been nannying for 40 years. I keep up to date with safeguarding good practice and am worried about my rather naive charge getting into trouble, but not sure I’ll keep my job if I push this too far-help!

BlueBelle Mon 08-Oct-18 15:03:32

Well I personally don’t feel a blazing row is the way to go You can’t educate someone by getting angry with them There are gentle ways to get people to listen to you I think there’s a Chinese proverb that says something like the warmth of the sun will make the man take his coat off faster than a strong cold wind
Personally it’s up to the parents how they bring their child up and not you, you are their employee and even if you have a lot more experience and knowledge than them they pull the punches obviously you have their child’s safety at heart but have gone about it in the wrong way
I d let it go for now if you value your position otherwise you probably will be walking

muffinthemoo Mon 08-Oct-18 16:51:52

If I paid someone with 40 years’ experience to take care of my child’s welfare, I would pay bloody close attention to their advice.

Kids need serious restrictions on their internet usage and access. Especially kids who are not too streetwise.

BlueBelle Mon 08-Oct-18 16:55:11

Of course they do I m not disagreeing with Maddcow or her need to advice just the way she went about it, if you go in guns blazing you are only going to put people’s backs up there is a nice way of imparting necessary knowledge

To have a blazing row with your employers even if you are completely in the right is not helpful in my opinion

Jalima1108 Mon 08-Oct-18 17:19:01

They must surely be aware of safeguarding and putting parental restrictions in place when he uses the internet. I don't think having a blazing row with them is the best way to express your concerns - but he is their child and the amount of time he spends on the internet is up to them.

It seems ridiculous to me to be paying a nanny to just be there while he is online - surely he must have other activities/hobbies he could be doing?

Diana54 Mon 08-Oct-18 18:07:26

If I was a nanny( heaven forbid) I would do my best for the child, within the limits set by the parents. Pointing out that he is spending too much time online, suggesting restrictions is one thing, having a blazing row is out of order.

There are plenty of spoiled brats that have been raised by nannies and allowed to run riot by indulging parents, you as an employee can only do so much.

muffinthemoo Mon 08-Oct-18 18:27:25

Oh Bluebelle I was naughty and didn’t read the other replies to OP before I posted, sorry blush

Yes, agreed, the parents are in the wrong but the ‘blazing row’ is likely to end badly

sazz1 Mon 08-Oct-18 18:48:45

Got to be honest if my nanny had a blazing row with me I would be letting her go. Although you are right it's the parents choice what restrictions they place on their child and you have to respect that.

Maddcow Mon 08-Oct-18 19:34:01

When I said blazing row in the OP, let me clarify! I merely mentioned I was uncomfortable with my charge being in his room alone on his iPad & could they please explain the dangers to him and then they both exploded, shouting at me about telling them how to bring up their child! I kept calm, apologised, explaining my safeguarding experience etc etc. All fell on deaf ears, no apology to me forthcoming; all I want is for my charge of over 6 years to stay safe so AIBU?

Jalima1108 Mon 08-Oct-18 19:37:51

I think I'd be looking for another job!

muffinthemoo Mon 08-Oct-18 19:41:37

No Madd on the basis of that information they are being thoroughly unreasonable.

You have cared for this child more than half his life. They have to expect and respect your interest in his welfare.

sazz1 Mon 08-Oct-18 20:28:48

They are unreasonable and obviously don't understand the risks. Unless something nasty happens like someone sending him creepy messages they won't take it seriously. I would look for another job as previous poster suggested as if anything goes wrong they will probably blame you

Marydoll Mon 08-Oct-18 20:32:18

Before I retired from teaching, I was IT co-coordinator for my school and very much involved in piloting LA initiatives regarding Internet safety.
Every year, at the Primary 1 induction day, I had to deliver a presentation to the P1 parents on Internet safety. It never ceased to amaze me how naive some parents were, few parents were aware of parental controls.
Despite all our initiatives, some parents of older pupils allowed them to go online unsupervised, have under age Facebook accounts, film themselves in their bedroom and then upload the films to You Tube, which gave away their identity and where they lived.
They had no idea what their children were doing ( other pupils told us) until we alerted them.
Maddcow, could you perhaps direct them towards:
They are lucky to have someone like you looking after their child.

BlueBelle Mon 08-Oct-18 21:07:41

Well Maddcow your second post is the complete reverse of what you said originally in your first post you said I had a blazing row today in your second post you say you were calm and apologetic so obviously the second post puts a whole different meaning to it all

Melanieeastanglia Mon 08-Oct-18 21:23:53

Technically, you're correct. A child ought not to have no restrictions with screen time but I guess he is their child and, ultimately, it's up to them.

gramma2three Tue 09-Oct-18 01:35:11

my 8 yr old gd is currently in big trouble with her parents. My SIL set up something on their tablets so that he gets an email with ALL websites visited and any communication with others. He set them up with the games they wanted and kids youtube . SO our GD the other day.. was chatting with someone.. it was innocent (we hope) hi my name is..what is daddys name is..what is your daddies name..and so forth..innocent on the surface. But my GD has lost her tablet for a month. Her brother has been rubbing it in that he still has i took it away this morning much to his dismay..hahaahaha. mean gramma here

Diana54 Tue 09-Oct-18 09:05:15

I would not be happy with an 8 yr old being able to go online, games on an IPod not online, too much risk. Giving children boundaries and restrictions is all part of growing up, letting them have Carte Blanche with everything is not good parenting.

Bridgeit Tue 09-Oct-18 10:04:24

No Maddcow you are not being unreasonable to hope, beleive that parents have control over their children’s screen time.But you are being unreasonable to assume parental control. Are you a nanny at the home or in your home, if in his own that is definitely a decision for the parents, if in your home you may be in a more authoritative position to restrict the time allowed.

sarahellenwhitney Tue 09-Oct-18 10:57:49

Maddcow. He who pays the piper calls the tune. This was unsolicited advice on your part that went down like a lead balloon. Much as you dislike what you observe if the parents approve let it go.

Fennel Tue 09-Oct-18 11:09:38

It sounds as if the parents could have reacted like that because of guilt.
They perhaps know at the back of their minds that the boy shouldn't be spending so much time online, but are too busy to do anything about it themselves.
If they really care about him they might have a re-think. He must be fond of you by now and would be upset if you left.

ReadyMeals Tue 09-Oct-18 12:09:06

It sounds to me like you are not compatible with this family and they need a nanny more in tune with their views on how to bring up a child. I am sure it won't be hard for you to find a new position with a family who will appreciate your policies more.

grandtanteJE65 Tue 09-Oct-18 12:56:51

I am entirely with you on this, maddcow and I think Fennel is making a valid point as to why the parents reacted as they did.

If this is the first time they have blown up when you have expressed a concern then I think in your place I would try to let it go.

If not, you might want to consider waiting til they have cooled down then asking them for a talk where you can fix some guidelines or a job description. Frankly, IMO, any parents who employ a nanny are likely to expect her to bring up their child, so I don't understand why they blew up, unless they were just having a bad day.

I assume they employ you because they don't have the time to be at home with their son after school. If they often have felt you are interfering then even although the child will undoubtedly be hurt if you leave, you may have to. Conflict between his parents and you will do harm too.

willa45 Tue 09-Oct-18 15:26:21

Your counsel has already fallen on deaf ears and caused a row, so I wouldn't risk going for round two and getting fired.

You are their employee. That means that while you are 'on their clock' so to speak, you are bound by your employers' rules. If they deemed it OK for their child to enjoy endless hours of screen time, then you need to abide by that, whether you agree with it or not.

So the way I see it, you have several options.... Mind your tongue, Look the other way. Keep your job. You can also maintain above options if you decide to search quietly for a new job. If and when you get hired and as you prepare to walk out the door, consider talking some sense into those fools one last time, blazing row or not!

Elrel Tue 09-Oct-18 16:11:12

Gramma - it sounds as if your SiL has a good system in place to supervise his children online. What is it, please?

The 8 year old needs advice about not sharing information with unknown people without becoming overly scared. How did she get in touch with the person she was chatting with? From what you say it could have been anyone.

I guess her brother was just winding her up, being deprived of his tablet for a while won't hurt him and may make him be a bit kinder to his sister.

Fennel - my first thought was that the parents may have felt guilty. Possibly they've already argued about their son's screen time and use and overreacted to having the OP bring the subject up. Although screen time should of course be limited more important is what the boy is actually doing online.

IC13 Tue 09-Oct-18 16:50:42

Maddcow. I too am a nanny ,with the same family for 11yrs. Parents and I are almost always on the same page and if not we listen to each other then the parent makes the decision. Not me. We have respect for one another and by the sound of it your parents don't. I'd be looking for something else jobwise.