AIBU for being angry?

I don't think you should be making yourself ill and stressed looking after her, particularly as you have to sleep on an airbed.

You need to have a Conversation. If she is unable to care for herself would it be a good idea for your partner and her to think about looking for a suitable home - you could visit her regularly.

I wouldn't like anyone telling me which doctor I could or could not see about my own health.

By the way I do actually realise I am being manipulated by her but she is stubborn enough to starve herself. Last year her weight went down to 3st 7lb because she refused to eat anything until she was admitted into hospital.

I do feel that this betrayal from her is the straw that broke the camel's back. My partner does try to help out with his mother and he does the things like getting her medication and taking her to appointments etc but you are right I do most of the care giving.

There is no help out there anymore, my partner organised help to come in via SS but his mother cancelled it because she didn't 'want to get up early for them'... SS will not help apart from helping get her up and ready for the day and possibly getting her to bed but as she has refused this we/I have to do it. She has an eating disorder and refuses to eat anything other than the food I cook for her (I have learned over the years what she will eat and what she won't eat). Her weight is just over 4st (she is very short but it is still dangerously underweight). I feel like I can't walk away because I worry that if I do she will actually starve herself.

Can you not get help looking after your MIL? She may not want "outside" help, but no-one will thank you if you run yourself into the ground looking after her.

Surely you must be entitled to some form of home help? Perhaps you should ask CAB what you or your MIL is entitled to.

The thing that troubles me most in your post is your partner “forbidding” you to see male doctors.

Sue, is this the only thing he is “weird” about? Are there other “rules” you are supposed to obey?

You are entitled to see whatever medical practioner you like whether they be male or female.

So sorry to hear about your problem with your partner's mother. It very much sounds as if you are being run around mercilessly by her whilst your partner does what? Undoubtedly you have run out of steam and it is not surprising. Is there any external support you could access. In the same situation with an extremely fractious/ungrateful husband I resorted to counselling earlier this year to cope with the feelings of anger and resentment. The knowledge that I had done this made him mend his ways...although he is still very very tetchy. You need someone to unload to so you can restore your sanity. I hope so much that you can sort this out so that you benefit and your partner and his mother learn how much they have pushed you.

I agree lucky girl, it is a question I ask myself often.

Two people are out of order here: your partner for controlling who you seek medical advice from; and your "MIL" for betraying your confidence.

Are you sure you want to be with this controlling man? - let alone his mother?