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AIBU to be so fed up about the chaos here?

(13 Posts)
sazz1 Fri 09-Nov-18 12:27:54

Ok so DH is a hoarder of the worst kind and has decided to empty the loft (we are moving next Spring or Summer) There's so much junk in there so many boxes of papers he's saved some over 40 yrs old. Our adult kids school primary books, toddler clothes, all the contents of his late mum's house except furniture, things I have thrown away years ago he saved from the bin.
The house is full of dust as a result and as I'm allergic I have a constant cold with it. I'm feeling really depressed and just sitting around knowing every day he has off work more junk is coming down. Feel like leaving home.

jollyg Fri 09-Nov-18 13:13:44

Dont worry, we have just moved from a 46 year stay in a big Victorian house, to a smaller flat.
Himself did not throw anything ever away and is addicted to s/h bookshops, but we are surviving!

I have just come out of hospital with pneumonia, I suspect brought on by the move, and the winter gloom.

I hope by spring we will be organised, but having been ill has put everything in perspective for a better quality of life ahead

Charleygirl5 Fri 09-Nov-18 13:22:15

20 years ago when I moved to this house I decided I was no longer paying to move junk from A to B as I had with the previous house moves so after I moved here slowly I emptied the loft and for years there has been zilch in it. I only have to tackle wardrobes etc now.

GrandmaMoira Fri 09-Nov-18 14:02:18

Sazz1 - at least your DH is clearing out well ahead. I am expecting to move this month and I only got some help from my DS to clear the loft and cellar last month and this week my DB helped clear more from the cellar. Being a widow, I have to wait for someone else to help and do a fair amount of heavy lifting of old and dirty stuff myself. I'm exhausted, asthmatic and arthritic! I'm beginning to see why some people stay in the same house and leave their DC to clear the house after they die!

Feelingmyage55 Fri 09-Nov-18 14:29:16

Is it the mess or the move or both that is depressin?Your OH has made a break through - decision to clear out. Can you help him by agreeing to spend half an hour or so every evening perhaps before eating to empty/bin/dump some stuff. Is it possible for you to go to the dump maybe three times a week when he is working? If you help during the week and one day at the weekend, you could both have and enjoy one day off together?? It is sad seeing the past being broken up but hopefully, it will feel good to be rid of the junk and look forward to the next stage.

ninathenana Fri 09-Nov-18 14:45:56

Our loft, spare room and garage are full of mostly DD's stuff but DH does have piles of magazines going back 30 yrs. and other things he won't part with.
We are tentatively looking at moving next year. What to do with DD's stuff that she has no room for hmm

FlexibleFriend Fri 09-Nov-18 15:47:12

He is at least giving himself plenty of time to complete the task but as someone else said is there any reason why you can't do some clearing when he isn't there. Taking the stuff to the tip that he's decided can go would help prevent the mess being everywhere. staying on top of the dirt and dust would help yourself. It's not an easy job to clear a normal loft let alone one belonging to a hoarder. If he's been reclaiming stuff previously discarded you may need to "help" without his knowledge, when he's at work or whatever. Although you say he's a hoarder of the worst kind I find that hard to believe as serious hoarders have stuff stashed absolutely everywhere on every surface in every room and to be fair you have allowed this to happen, you knew what he was doing and allowed it to continue so you do need to get stuck in and help to dispose of it, either with or without his knowledge. If the mess is bothering you that much just think of the new house without all the unwanted crap and don't allow it to build up again because next time your kids will have to deal with that on top of everything else. That's really not fair to them.

callgirl1 Fri 09-Nov-18 15:57:54

We have a walk in cupboard under the stairs, entered from the living room, and at the very back is a large black bin liner, known as "that big black bag". It`s been there for donkeys years, full of memorabilia from years ago, birthday and Christmas cards from me to him and vice versa, and lots of programmes from brass band concerts that hubby played in, with remarks written on them, in fact I can`t remember everything, but hubby never wanted to throw any of it out, neither can I face doing it now, so it will still be there when I kick the bucket for the kids to sort through.

Willow500 Sat 10-Nov-18 07:10:30

We really need to sort our loft out - as my mum used to say about theirs there's a whole house up there! What is he doing with the 'junk' when he brings it down - is it now sitting downstairs waiting to be sorted or taken to the tip? Could you sort it into piles for saving, binning or recycling - at least then you'd be reducing the amount for when you move house.

PECS Sat 10-Nov-18 08:32:13

We culled a lot when we moved about 8 yrs ago as I decreed no use of new loft.grin.though we do have a large shed. So all DDs stuff was returned to them or binned. My remaining "hoard" is some of DDs /DGCs childhood artwork, inc cards they made plus a nightdress my mum wore. DH still has 100s of football programmes and music magazines and copies of Which! He also transferred 100s of Private Eye mags too..but actually seeing them stacked in boxes in the shed made him see how many there were & he sold them. He would keep more "useful" things if he could..but I have an eagle eye! grin

harrigran Sat 10-Nov-18 08:33:47

We need to sell our second home and DH thinks he will just sell it as it stands with everything in it. I am insisting on collecting the china and household linen, for goodness sake who else would want it ?

cornergran Sat 10-Nov-18 08:47:23

I do understand. If took me 2 years to clear our loft before our last move. I began at one side, stuff came down in manageable chunks as we could find time to sort it and was dealt with before any more was liberated. Our family came on a specified weekend and took anything of theirs they wanted. It sounds as if your husband wants to totally empty the loft first sazzi, if so I can understand you being overwhelmed. I agree with others, if you are able to sort any of it while your husband is out it can only help. If he insists on doing it all himself then can it be confined to a nominated room, garage or shed? Or maybe all three? That way you could shut the door and be less impacted. I’m sorry you are struggling with reaction to the inevitable dust, it wont help you cope. Chin up. This won’t last forever.

Blue45Sapphire Sat 10-Nov-18 10:03:45

Late DH was a hoarder and our loft is absolutely full! Unfortunately I can't get up there and have to wait for DS and DD to find the time to help clear it, but they are both busy people with their own families, so I suppose it will all stay up there till I'm gone. I have done the gloryhole under the stairs, and am in the process of getting rid of our VHS tapes. The garage will wait till next spring/summer, when I will get a large skip. I have put all the stuff I'm getting rid of in the study, and will ring a charity to come and collect it - can hardly get in the study!