Well not replying, bringing nothing and not saying thankyou are just plain bad manners in my view!
The flowers ...I think everyone feels differently about this sort of thing and some prefer not to put flowers on graves etc. However I also think that they could have thought about you and your feelings in this and explained if this was their preference.
I myself think that the living are the important ones here and if I knew. that a relative appreciated flowers /a token to ark their loved ones grave I would bring flowers out of respect and caring for their feelings
So overall I would say thoughtless and selfish, probably not deliberately unkind! I hope that you can move on now you have vented a bit.
Maw, you are not being unreasonable. We were always brought up to never go empty handed when visiting.
I can understand how upset you are about them not bringing flowers to put on Paw's grave.
DS1 and DIL are like that, we never brought up our children to be like that. I just don't understand it, but it seems to be the way of the world nowadays in my experience.
I'm sorry you have been upset at such an emotional time for you.
Def not Maw, you are right to feel the way you do. I think it's only manners to bring a small gift or whatever you wish but to come empty-handed is not acceptable at all. Thought it was some of the younger generation just to act like this but obviously not, especially under the circumstances. Just calm down though it's not worth getting all flummoxed about. You know you would never do that but we are all different. Try and relax. 
No, of course not unreasonable maw, hope you were able to sleep after expressing your frustration and hurt. I’d have been more than surprised too. Let it go now if you can .
I need to let this go, but I also need to let it out first!
I invited Paw’s brother and two sisters to lunch on Sunday as it is one year since he died and I thought they might wish to visit his grave.
It took a week before I actually got a response (Saturday afternoon) but luckily I always have the wherewithal in the freezer to put a Sunday lunch together.
Fine.
I’m not bothered on my own account but I was brought up (and I know they were too) to always take something small, flowers, chocs or a bottle -depending on who you are going to, as a gift . In German they call it a “Mitbringsel” -literally a little thing you bring. .
So no flowers for me apparently, no wine, fair enough, they are family, I thought, but when I suggested we walk up to the church to their brother’s grave I expected somebody to say Oh I’ll get the flowers from the car.
????
Nope. Nothing, Zilch. Nada
I am too chicken to say anything and I was too slow to say “innocently” “oh have you left the flowers in the car?”
When we got there they would have seen the pink roses I took on Saturday and the white roses DD laid on his grave when she came to stay. Did anybody say anything?
Did anybody hug or talk about him?
I know his sisters loved him but I was so disappointed at this lack of a gesture either to me or even to each other. 
When they left I wished them a safe journey, asked somebody to text me to say they were back or expected to hear this morning.
Did I?
A text, phone call or email to say Thank you?
Just a bit brassed off frankly. The sisters are very kind women and help DD2 with one day a week childcare between them so I know they are not mean or rude(not so sure about BIL, he only ever thinks of himself) but I know that my own DDs would always remember to say thank you and show their appreciation. And my Mum would have given me more than an earful!
Years and years ago I had an absolute houseful over Christmas, MIL 2 SILs, BIL plus his then wife, Niece and her friend from Brazil, all staying and after they had gone MIL was the only one to drop me a note to say thank you.
???Seething just a bit!
AIBU?
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