Arriving “empty handed”. Parallelling *mawbroon*’s post

When we lived in Portugal, the first summer we were there two couples came to visit at seperate times.
They constantly complained, the worst was that we were not taking them out, we kept pointing out that we were working, not on holiday.
I then heard that one couple had told all our old neighbours that we were unfriendly and did not spend time with them.
One pair would rise late, when we were already at work, my DS1 had gone back to our house for something and found them at the table waiting for their breakfast. He explained again, where the kettle was etc !!!
We had told them they would probably be better hiring a car and had provided maps and lots of local details.
The other pair argued with us when we would not let them take DD to a waterpark, said we were selfish and cruel.
She was at school, I asked if they would take their children out for the day during the school term, and they were horrified at the suggestion.
Never again, and if people suggest coming to visit here I give them a list of Hotels in the neighbourhood.

Goodness me how rude! I was brought up to always bring a gift when invited to someone’s house for a meal never mind staying as a house guest! This rule applies for me even if it’s family!
I would speak to the AC and say that you are always happy to see friends but good manners are essential! It sounds as if they treated you like a guest house or hotel!!

It was rude of them. And it smacks of a sense of entitlement and arrogance! Dear me!!

Was anybody, oldbatty ?

My kids are nice and polite. They have had a variety of friends, some rude , some polite.

Please do not have a have a go at my parenting or my family because you don't like me.

Thank you.

Very rude, in my opinion.

A Canadian cousin I'd never met before asked to come and stay - he was with us for 10 nights. He brought nothing, not that I was really expecting anything. Took him to see the London sights, etc. - paid for it all! and after he left we had not so much as an email to say thank you.

He was about 50. One night he wanted to go to a pub with dd, then mid 30s. She bought 2 rounds, while he sat back and let her. Only when she said, 'Your round now,' did he put his hand in his pocket.
Talk about a freeloader. Never again.

Remember those hard up days of the sixties and seventies? Bottle parties were all the rage and DH would help me clear up cheering that we'd made a profit!!

First lot were just rude entitled prats. I would have a word to your offspring to let them know that group would not be welcome again. I can understand them not inviting you to their dinner but with no expression of appreciation for your hospitality, no gift, no thanks of any sort then I wouldn't have them again.

Whenever we go to anyone's home for a meal we always take a token gift: wine/ flowers/ chocs. That is to family, friend or acquaintance. If we were staying then a card afterwards as well to say thanks is essential.

Are your kids nice and polite all the time baggs
? And all their friends? Amazing.

When we lived in Spain we had visitors that would turn up for a week usually self invited.

We provided all the food and drink plus all the hard work that went into making their stay enjoyable. They also expected us to pick them up at the airports (60 kms away) and return them their at the end.

Their idea of a gift was to buy us a meal at the end, and meals out in Spain were cheap.

We also had good friends and family that we loved to see and who were very generous.

I got the idea from these 'friends' that they had paid for the air fare and everything else should be free.

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Fancy that! What are you trying to say exactly?

Hmm. In my experience if one's kids are nice and polite so are their friends.

My son had a friend here ( female) for 3 days and nights.....small house so lots of adjusting going on. Lifts given, meals made, wine provided.
Not a word.

I think it's really rude to stay with someone for several days and not show some appreciation. Even when I stay with my best friend who I've known since childhood I don't take it for granted and arrive with flowers and wine and contribute to shopping and she does the same. Poor show in my view

lemongrove. Both sets of visitors were friends of DC. DC accompanied first set but not second set who called up and asked to come and stay. The thing is we do not want to put DC off coming to stay and I guess we try not to be boring but ...

I get that Feeling but I thought the second round of guests were not your friends, but friends of your DC?
We used to live in a tourist destination too, but we only ‘put up’ thise friends of ours who used to visit us before we moved somewhere scenic ( sorting the sheep from the goats)

Sounds as if you are very welcoming and ideal hosts....could I please book the first week in Julywith you? I will definitely bring flowers.

It is not a gift as such that matters, but the difference between being apppreciated or no.

lemongrove. We live in a tourist destination so lots of self invited guests arriving for scenic holidays. Majority of guests good friend whom we are just delighted to have stay (for three days). Any longer and I start to feel like a hotel. If the visit is reciprocal, no problem. We like to feel guests are coming to see us rather than “hotel”.

mother not other.

My other would run around like a headless chicken in the event of a last minute invitation so she would not arrive 'empty handed.' I wonder when the term first arrived because it's definitely one I grew up with.

No motorway services as a last resort in those days.

Gosh that was rude. I can cope with the idea of not necessarily bringing a gift if it is just a meal - but to avail themselves of your hospitality for several days with no attempt to recognise your efforts is really rather rude. In both instances thanks would be the least that should be offered.

Yes they were rude but I don't think you should expect to be invited out for a meal with them all. I had one of my son's friends living with me for 6 months last year, we got on well and he needed somewhere to living temporarily. I got a box of chocolates when he moved out and I was happy with that I certainly didn't expect more. In your case a bottle of wine and some flowers would have been a nice gesture but really it's not worth getting upset about.