Know it All's

M0nica I was just wondering, does your friend live alone? She may just enjoy being with you so much because she can rattle on knowing you are intelligent enough to have a deeper conversation with than just the weather or pictures of grandchildren.

You have made me think. I certainly do NOT know everything - hardly anything in fact, but I have noticed that with a few people I have been talking a lot more than I used to. I was fairly quiet as a rule and listened more than spoke but over the last maybe couple of years, I have noticed I chat away to people more. I think it is because I live alone and don't see anyone for sometimes weeks on end. I can't get out that easily with the pain I am in. But lately if a friendly person chats to me I really enjoy it and I used to be a bit shy about it. Is it living alone or old age?

I found the only way to 'deal' with this type of person,was to avoid them altogether. I used to have someone like this living next-door-but-one to me,so it was inevitable that I bumped into him from time to time. He really was the world's biggest know-all. It didn't matter what subject you talked about,he'd been there,done that and written the book about it. I swear if I'd said that I was training to be a naked trapeze artist,he would have gone one better! Was I relieved when he moved to live quite a few miles way,so I was only at risk of seeing him once in a blue moon in our local town I would hide if I saw him

Tillybelle, you described my late husband to T! I eventually caught on about 11 years ago, after reading about a murderer who was diagnosed by a psychiatrist as a Narc, all the traits fitted my husband. He love-bombed me too, showered me with gifts and seemed to be my soul-mate.
Until we got married, then it was as if a switch had been flicked and he became almost a monster. Extremely controlling, extremely tight-fisted, and not a shred of empathy. Yes, he knew it all, and was impossible to argue with. However, once I realised that he was a Narc, I actually pitied him, because he was completely empty - basically a very inadequate person, who used his bullying to boost his massive ego. Apart from being ALWAYS right, he loved to pick arguments, and disagreed with almost everything I thought or said - a way of demeaning me, and destroying my self-confidence. And I learned to ignore him, and turn the tables on him whenever possible.
He died 7 years ago, from heart disease - I nursed him through several years of illness, but still felt great sadness when he finally died, but also a massive sense of freedom.

I have a friend like that. She has a good heart... but oh boy does she THINK she knows it all, has done it all etc etc. I have to limit my time with her. The other choice is to cut contact with these toxic (because that's what they are) people

Quote from Oldwoman70 - 'My stock response is "Well I could agree with you but then we would both be wrong"' - love it, love it, love it !

Tillybelle, Yes, she lives alone - when she is at home, but she is very sociable so is rarely there and being very well off, jets off all over the world to visit friends and family.

I think her behaviour springs from having had a very successful career in the financial sector. She has got used to being in charge and no-one disagreeing with her.

I do not find her particularly toxic. As far as I am concerned, I just shrug it off, it really doesn't bother me (although I do find the constant waffling on about her DGC, very boring). I know that behind all the bombast is a very true friend and someone who quietly, over the years has put a lot of her spare time and money into charitable work that has helped an enormous number of people.

I've never walked away yet, if someone is being a bore, won't change his/her mind and won't change the subject, I will change it myself. As we get older we gain more experiences so we tend to have opinions on many subjects and indeed direct personal knowledge of the topic
Personality disorder, if it is then all politicians and anyone who shows leadership must be included, a disorder is surely a harmful condition that either affects the individual of another person(s)

I know someone like that so I try to avoid listening to her views and have given up trying to get her to accept anyone else’s view on a subject. Just not worth the effort.

Anja brilliant, DH and I just had a laugh listening to that!

Have some sympathy if it's down to something like Asperger Syndrome
Sometimes it's difficult to tell though, Baggs, if someone has Asperger's or is just a pain-in-the-butt Know-it-All who is unpleasant and also enjoys putting others down in public.

We did have a more pleasant Know-it-All briefly attached to our family and sometimes it was difficult to keep a straight face.

Love it!

I meant Pam Ayres, not the know it all!

thanks tillybelle, I have done intense reading especially in my 50s which made sense of my chaotic child and adulthood with what I now describe my father as a narcissitc monster,the sad thing my brother is even more narcissitic than my father-nature/nurture? sadly people don't find out about them until the damage is usually done. they leave a trail of damage to others

That is a great response !

The behaviour of people with Aspergers can be a pain in the butt, jalima. My point was that maybe it isn't a 'curable' fault, this know all trait.

The older I get the more I realise how little I know! Yet I seem to have become the family "agony aunt", got a problem? they ask me, want to complain about something? whinge to me, need advice on what to do? ask me

Just because I am of a "mature" age, doesn't make me the fount of all knowledge

you got two fingers ready... or a raspberry will do. or how about a bucket of cold water.....me i would just say oh really !! good for you and walk away. you can scream later...

I quite like different opinions, to get a different perspective on something can make me rethink and change my mind.

I know someone like that! fortunately I don't see her often but she (and her DH) are the sort who have done whatever better/sooner/faster/ etc and always have an opinion!

She's also the person who 'talks a good game' - if anything is being done (she helps with a group I'm part of) she seems to be doing things but if you watch she's just talking a lot and doing very little! Grrr!

just interrupt with 'That's interesting that' then walk away

I had a relative like this - I'll call her Mabel. Always knew more and better, had to go one better.

My mother was once telling me about a friend who'd been diagnosed with a rare disease.

Straightaway my father chipped in with, 'For God's sake don't tell Mabel - she'll know someone who's had it twice.' ?

I have a long standing good friend but her husband annoys me so much with his opinions.
I don't have any problem with anyone having their say but there are things that he says which are rude and nothing to do with him.
I honestly don't know how she deal with this, it's his way or no way.

The trouble with people who think they know it all is that they spoil it for those of us who do..

Hahahaha, MA I really laughed at that.

My friend is always saying "oh, you're not like me, I would say this, or do that, or tell them so and so..."
Sometimes I just say "nope, I'm not like you; because I'm like me!"

My friend's husband is the very epitome of know-it-all, even when talking to an expert. We were once at a party and the KIA was giving loud advice to a surgeon (KIA is a humble IT tech).
The surgeon said, 'Hmmm, good point but I wonder if you'd feel like that if you were intelligent.'

Collapse of KIA.